Happy Retro Friday! This week’s RF post is from VolunteerYouthMinistry.com. It’s the 12th week in a series we wrote called Generation to Generation. The original post on VYM can be found here.

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How do I reach the one “problem” kid in my group?

Every youth group seems to have the one kid that doesn’t really fit in. Whether it’s because he brings his Nintendo with him every week, never showers, or is just plain disruptive, he always brings a new story for you to tell at your next youth leader meeting. Today we’ll try to get to the root of the “problem” student in your youth group and talk about some ways to bring them into the flow of the rest of your students.

Matt: As you read about this topic, I bet you thought about your student group and a name came to mind. That one kid who each week seems to bring a new disruption to your group, the one kid who has no filter on what he says, the one kid who just never seems to “get it”. First off, it’s no mistake that he is in your group, God put him there, God knew you would be the one to be able to deal with him. The first thing I do is to put him on notice about his behavior. I’ve been surprised that some students have no idea how disruptive they are. I make it clear that during “social time” in our small group, that’s the time for jokes, and comments and conversation, but once we start group we don’t allow cross talk, and we have just one conversation going on at at time. Reinforce how important it is that each person in the group be allowed their time to talk without interruption. I try and involve our problem kid in the lesson. Sometimes the easiest way to get a student’s “buy in” on the lesson is to make him part of the process. That way he has an investment in the study that week.

Second and probably most important, those are the kids that need to be loved on. I think part of the reason for the disruption is an attention-getting tactic. Quite possibly that’s a kid that is not getting the attention he needs at home for whatever reason. It’s easy to sit back and make light of that kid, but the Godly thing to do is to love on them and let them know they are an important part of your group. If other students in the group make fun of that one student, you need to resist the urge to join in also. You’re the leader and the one setting the example. That problem kid more than likely, already feels like an outcast, he doesn’t need his small group and his small group leader to validate those feelings. Talk to your other students, ask that they be more patient with your problem kid. And last but not least pray, pray, pray for that kid. Ask God to come into that kid’s life and help with deal with whatever problem that is causing him to be disruptive. Ask God to give you patience and the right words to say when dealing with that student.

Steven: Even though it might be hard to admit it, we all know the one kid that seems like he’s from another planet in our youth group (I’ll call them out-there students from now on). He’s typically the one that yells the loudest, makes the weirdest comments during a deep conversation, or farts in the middle of prayer time. Whoever that student is for you (hopefully it’s not one that farts in the middle of prayer if you’re a female leader reading this), there are simple things you can do to reel that student in to meld with the rest of them. That’s not to say that we all want our students to be cookie-cutter copies of each other, but it’s usually easier to get through a serious discussion time without discussing what our favorite Pokemon is.

One of the things I always try to keep in mind is that we tend to want to bring students up to our level. We think that it’s extremely difficult to get them thinking like us, when in reality, that’s the opposite of how we should approach youth ministry. Instead of trying to get students to our level, try to get to their level. This is especially true when dealing with out-there students. For many of them, they may just not be as mature as the rest of your group, so it’s more important to get down to their way of understanding things. Rather than preaching about the philosophy and approach of Paul’s ministry, give them something they can chew on, like how to apply something from Paul’s ministry in their lives. If we get down to a student level (not just the out-there students, but all of them), we can connect with students way more effectively than if we try to bring them to our level.

Finally, if you have a really active or rowdy student, give them something to do. Some examples: have your high-energy kid pass out pens, find a Bible verse for that night, set up the game you’re playing, or just get them involved in discussion more often. The worst thing that you can do with these high-energy students is give them idle hands. If you don’t give them something to do, they’ll make up something for them to do, and it’ll probably end up stirring the rest of the group up.

Bottom line: Don’t be discouraged by the “problem” students. They need Jesus just like everyone else, and there’s always something you can do to get them to connect with the rest of the group. Not giving up on them is another way to pass on your wisdom from generation to generation.