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Ministry after the lesson

September 19, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Matt: Sometimes we have a plan for our students, and at the time it seems like its going to be a great night and a great lesson, but it just doesn’t go over as good as we thought it would. Sometimes I think I “over plan” a lesson. I get frustrated that my students don’t seem to get as much out of a lesson or a small group time as I put into it. That’s when it will hit me that those were my plans and maybe not the plan that God had for that night. I’ve learned that my job sometimes is just to plant the idea with students and then they have to take it from there. I’ve gotten good at letting the Holy Spirit take charge over things I know I can’t change or fix with a student, but I sometimes lack the patience.

This past week I had a good small group time with my students. We had a great discussion time after the lesson, and I felt good about the night. Later that night I got a text and then a phone call from one of my students who was going through a tough time and had a lot on his mind. He didn’t feel comfortable talking about the issue with the entire group yet and he just wanted my advice. We ended up having a phone call that lasted almost a hour. Afterwards it dawned on me that I probably did more ministry work that night with that one student than I did with all of them earlier that night.

That’s how student ministry goes sometimes – sometimes God will use you in a way you never expected or planned. You have to be open to Him using you in a way you never expected. That’s often when the real ministry work happens.

Steven: Two weeks ago, I experienced the frustration that Matt talked about above. The group time wasn’t exactly what I had planned – the boys weren’t focused, there were disruptions and distractions galore, and not much got done. By the end of our discussion time, I was pretty frustrated that the guys wasted a night of what could have been a potentially great night.

Then something cool happened. After the discussion was over, I could tell one my guys was hanging back a little. He’s the type that as soon as group is over, he’s sprinting out the door to get to his mom’s car, but not this time. I asked him what was going on and he said he wanted to talk about something from the discussion tonight. In my mind I was thinking, “Holy cow, you actually GOT something from tonight?” Keep in mind, too, that this is one my guys that is very private and not very talkative. He’s also the type that comes from a Christian family and seems to have it all together (we all know that person doesn’t really exist in real life). He told me some stuff he was struggling with, and it was a great moment.

I learned (or re-learned) two things that night.

  1. Just because things don’t go your way, doesn’t mean they didn’t go God’s way. I thought the night was a total waste, but it ended up being something that was extremely helpful for one of my guys.
  2. You never know how a particular message will affect your students. I wouldn’t have expected to have the talk I did with my student that night. I didn’t think the issue we talked about was something he struggled with, but I had my eyes re-opened.

Question: Does your small group time go the way YOU want it, or do you allow it to go the way GOD wants it?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Tips for counseling students

September 17, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Here’s a great post from our friend Dennis Beckner at Volunteeryouthministry.com  In this post Dennis gives tips for counseling students with their parents. Look for a guest post from Dennis coming soon to Gentogenym.com!

Here are a few tips for counseling your students with their parents:

- Don’t be available at a moment’s notice. If you can delay the appointment for at least a few hours after the explosive argument, they’ll have a chance to cool down and the session will be more productive

- Start the appointment with prayer. Prayer brings God into the conversation and reminds the counselees that they are Christians. That’s a little tongue in cheek. But, really, sometimes this will help the gloves not come off so much during your meeting.

- Begin with stories of what they like or appreciate about each other or a fond memory. Everybody has to share something. This accomplishes 3 things: 1. It softens everybody in the room, 2. It shows you are going to lead the meeting, 3. It sets a positive mood.

- Stay on point until the parents and student understand each other. Tackle one issue at a time. THIS IS ESSENTIAL!!! The tendency will be for the conversation to go down secondary paths not related to the current topic. You are in control of the meeting. When somebody (parent or child) takes the conversation down an unrelated bunny trail, it’s important that you pause and redirect the person back on track until a common understanding is reached. You’re not looking for buy in or agreement, you’re looking to help them understand each other. Good questions during this time are often, “How would you have handled that if you were the parent?” and “How would that have made you feel if you were the child?”

- Keep the conversation moving. The tendency will be for families to harp on a subject much longer than they need to. They’re pouring out their pain and it feels good. You’re leading the conversation so it’s your job to come to an understanding and move on to the next topic. Once understanding is met, announce, “Now that we have an understanding there, we’re going to put that on the shelf for now and not revisit it again in this session. What’s the next issue?”

- Summarize and suggest action steps. Repeat every issue discussed in the meeting as well as the understanding everybody came to on each topic. Give some ideas that could help them communicate better or be more considerate of each other.

- Close in prayer.

Filed Under: Counseling, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Retro Friday // Bumper Sticker Jesus

September 16, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Here’s a post we did for Josh Griffin at morethandodgeball.com  You can check out the original post here.

Do we show our love for Jesus in a “bumper sticker” or in how we live our life? Either way, its the example we are showing students.

Driving on the freeway today I saw a bumper sticker that said, “No Jesus, No Peace…Know Jesus, Know Peace.” Cute, I thought to myself. But it made me think, am I showing students how to love and praise and worship Jesus in bumper stickers or in the way of living my life? Bumper stickers get right to the point, but I want to be an example to students, not in sound bytes, but in the way I act in all situations. When it comes to words, I’m good and witty and clever, it’s one of my spiritual gifts. But I don’t want students to think that “God is my Co-Pilot.” He’s the pilot. Period. I’m not even worthy of being the guy who cleans the plane after a flight. Students need to see that when I get angry, I don’t start spewing a ton of four-letter words, when hard times come my way, I still praise God for what is good and try not to dwell on the bad.

I used to be the “bumper sticker Jesus” guy. I knew the right things to say, but usually didn’t put them into practice. I knew about tithing, but didn’t, I knew about prayer, but usually waited until I was in a bind before I would turn to God in prayer. I knew about the need for a quiet time everyday, but I seldom made the time for one. I’m happy to say I’m not that guy anymore. If I go a day without a quiet time I feel it, I begin to feel disconnected and I don’t like how that feels. I’ve learned to pray throughout the day, not just in the morning or when I go to bed. I want to help students by-pass the “bumper sticker Jesus” time in their life and have them put good, solid ways of worship and praise into their lives. I want to be a good example.

It’s not just about saying the right things at the right time. It’s necessary to live out what you talk about with your students. I can say “love your neighbor,” but if I don’t live that out, what good is it? It not only pushes me backward as a Christian, it shows my students that I don’t really care about what I’m teaching them. If I don’t care, why should they? Is it easy to tell people what they should do and then continue living our lives the way we want? Absolutely. But it’s not what we’re called to do. Maybe you’re not realizing that you do this. Now is the time to evaluate: am I a “bumper sticker” Christian, or am I someone that people know live out God’s Word in my life every day?

 

What are some steps you take to make sure you’re more than just a “bumper sticker” Christian?

Filed Under: Retro Friday, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Seekers or Followers? Part One

September 15, 2011 by 1 Comment

 

Note: This post started out as a quick thought after talking to a student today that I see on the Saddleback Church Campus on a weekly basis. Before I started writing I did my normal time of praying to God for the right words and thoughts and before I knew it I had a two-part post! This is Part One.  Part Two will run next Tuesday. In the meantime, I’d love your feedback on this please!

Are we working towards turning out a generation of seekers or followers? Ask yourself that question and just let it rattle around in your head for a moment before you answer and before I explain what I’m talking about.

Are you working towards getting your students to truly seek Jesus everywhere and not just at church on the weekend? Or are they just being shown what it is to be a follower?  By follower I mean someone who is just following the crowd he is with at the time. He is there in spirit but his heart is not in what he is doing. Church is something he does on the weekend with his or her friends, but once the weekend is over there is not much talk or thought or mention of Jesus or God in their life until the next weekend when they come back to church.

I guess this is what I mean when I say that students don’t need religion, they need a relationship with God.

When you have a student in a crisis, is God the first call they make or is He an afterthought? Do they have a regular daily quiet time with God and communicate with Him or is their communication time with God just that hour they are in a student ministry service on the weekend? Are they in a small group? If they are in a small group do they just go there each week or do they participate? Maybe they are still at a stage in their walk with God that they are still “baby Christians”. If that’s the case then we need to work towards their spiritual maturity.

Maybe they are at a point where they have lost the passion for God. (Click here to see Steven’s post on this topic) As leaders we need to do all we can to help them work through this time, and once again become a seeker.

Want some tips on how to get your students to be seekers and not just following the crowd? On Tuesday I’ll share what has worked for me in my life and how I translate that to students.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

The beauty of awkward silence

September 14, 2011 by Leave a Comment

One of my favorite youth ministry tools is the awkward silence. You know, it’s that moment when you ask a question during small group, expecting an answer, and all you see is blank faces staring back at you. They understood the question, but no one wants to answer. That’s when the awkward silence kicks in. For a lot of leaders, this is WAY too much discomfort. They get awkward themselves when they have twelve pairs of eyes staring back at them. For me, I think it’s the best way to get meaningful answers out of a group.

I’ve found that it comes in handy most when you’re talking about something uncomfortable or foreign to your students. There’s always going to be a natural inclination for your students to keep to themselves or not be as vulnerable as we want them to be. When they’re faced with an awkward silence, they feel pressure – pressure to end the silence. There will usually be one person that speaks up to end the silence, and then the rest of your students will follow the leader with responses.

Students hate silence way more than we do. They don’t like the awkwardness of twelve people in a room, not saying anything. The next time you’re discussing something a little deeper and you ask a soul-searching question, don’t move on right away when you don’t get responses. Wait it out. You’ll be amazed to find that your students have more to say than they’re letting on.

Question: When are some other times you use awkward silence? Big group settings? One on ones? Reply in the box below.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

How Do You Connect With Students?

September 13, 2011 by Leave a Comment

 

 But Moses protested again, “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?”  Then the Lord asked him, “What is that in your hand?”   “A shepherd’s staff,” Moses replied. “Throw it down on the ground,” the Lord told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake! Moses jumped back. -  Exodus 4:1-3 NLT

Whenever I read that passage from Exodus, the message it sends to me is, “Use whatever tools or talents you have available to you at the time to accomplish God’s mission. If you’re working or volunteering in student ministry one of the most important things you can do is figure out what spiritual gifts God has blessed you with that you can use when working with students.

You might need to use different talents or skills to reach different students. Some may love your sense of humor where others might not “get you”. You might find that you have something in common with a student, a favorite sports team, hobby, etc. Each student is different, but once you find the way to connect with that student you begin growing the relationship with them. Once you make the connection and begin growing the relationship, don’t stop!

Another way you can connect is to show students that you’re human and you do dumb stuff also. The first few weeks with my new high school small group I started off each week’s small group time by telling them dumb, embarrassing (but funny) stuff that I have done. When you can laugh at yourself, you make yourself more approachable.

Here’s the bottom line, we all have different talents, tools and skills that are God given, when you take inventory of those and know what you have at your disposal, it makes it easier to connect with your students at a one-on-one level. Be real and be intentional with students and they will be real with you.

Have you taken the time to figure out what talents and skills you have in your toolbox for student ministry?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

What happens when “normal” changes

September 12, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Steven: We will never forget. It’s the phrase that every American recognizes as a reminder of the events that took place on September 11, 2001. Those words represent a single event in history that forever changed the way Americans view our lives. Ever since that day, a lot has changed – air travel, airport security, police and first responder tactics, and citizens’ views of a particular group of people. We’re even involved in a war that was sparked by the events that took place on that fateful day.

Similar to what happened with America on 9/11, our students face the same thing in their lives. At some point, something will happen in your students’ lives that forever change the way they think, operate, and go about life. After that point, there are some things that they “will never forget.”

Maybe that thing is a divorce. One day your student feels loved, accepted, and comforted at home, and then tragedy strikes. His parents tell him they’re not going to be together anymore. From that point on, all your student knows is that he is constantly going back and forth between homes, not feeling the same love and security that was once there. This kind of life-changing moment is the exact thing we have a responsibility to identify and respond to.

It’s our job as mentors and leaders to our students to help them understand that God didn’t intend for these things to happen. God’s intention was to create humans and have them live perfect lives in His glory, but instead we messed that up and rebelled. From that point, our world has never been the same. We can’t blame God for wrong in the world. It all falls back on the faults of humans. Our responsibility is to point our students to God when this kind of life-change happens. They need to realize that God is the one that can bring them out of it; He can be the one to restore things back to the way He intended them to be before tragedy struck.

Matt: 9-11 changed our world forever. It was Alice through the looking glass, up is down, inside is outside. I still remember that day as a day we all kept saying, “Why?” and then, “How and who?” When I relate that to how a student’s life can change literally overnight I think of my own teen years. About a year after my parents had died it dawned on me that what I use to know as “normal” would never be normal for me again. I didn’t know it then, but the whole time God was walking beside me getting me through that time, I wouldn’t have made it without Him. I also had an adult figure in my life that was there for me during these hard times, helping me all the way and letting me know that God would not give me more than I can handle. Are you doing that for your students? Do you know what might have changed in their life that could be earth shattering for them? And do they know you are there for them?

Several things happen when “normal” changes for us. It’s scary and uncomfortable, its the fear of the unknown just to name a few. That’s when we need to step up to the plate and be a presence in a student’s life. Be intentional with them. Let them know you care, let them know you are there for them, and more importantly that God is there for them. Students who have parents going through a divorce will also be asking the same questions we did on 9-11.  Why?  ”How and who?” Why them? Why their parents? Most will even blame themselves.

Remember, you might be the only part of “normal” they have to hold on to. Be patient, above all be loving and let them know you care. We show our love for Christ by loving others, there is no better time to do this for a student than when they are going through a crisis.

Question: How do you recognize when a student has been through a life-changing event?

Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Is Anybody Listening?

September 10, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I read this post from Russell St. Bernard, the Youth Minister at Reid Temple AME Church in Silver Spring MD. This is a post that will make you think about how your ministry is working. We’ve posted a tease of this blog below, the rest can be found here. 

A few weeks ago, during my visit to a local Chick-Fil-A, where we host some of our student small groups there, I saw a guy playing the guitar and singing.  Although I frequently visit this Chick-Fil-A I had never seen this before; I assumed there was a private party or that Chick-Fil-A hired this person. What was more interesting to me was what seemed to be the lack of interest or engagement  from the people in the Chick-Fil-A.  This made me wonder to what extent those we serve in youth ministry are listening to us as opposed to just putting up with us.

I believe that sometimes in youth ministry even though we mean well, our audience the people we serve aren’t really tuned into what we are saying but are more engaged in what is going on around them.  Now to the defense of the guy in the Chick-Fil-A, his songs were pretty good and there were a few families and students moving their hands and heads to his music, but he was also competing with other music and the noise of the indoor play area.  In youth ministry we also have other things that we are competing with when it comes to serving our students and families, but how do we do so in an effective way?

  • We need to be engaging – Just like the guy in the restaurant we are often times never going to have the FULL attention of every student, but we need to engage them in what we are doing in a way that pushes them to focus on the ministry.  Engaging students can look different from church to church and from youth ministry to youth ministry, but what is key in all engagement is that we focus more on what they NEED and less on what our agenda might be.  As a result, engaging students might include pulling a current song, movie clip, or story from the news that they know about and would talk about with their friends and using it as a way to bridge the gap between where they are and where we want them to go.
  • After we engage them, we need to encourage them – Often times in youth ministry students “check out” or seem to be uninterested because what is being shared or taught has little “encouragement” value to them.  I have seen this in youth ministry and have been guilty of it sometimes as well, where we talk more about what they are not doing instead of what they are doing well, and what good we see in them and what we believe they can do.  Students are like seeds, in order for them to grow to their fullest potential they need the nurturing aspects of the soil, water, and sunlight.  We need to encourage our students to be the seeds that can produce 100 times what they have now and what they believe, because it’s already inside of them.
Filed Under: Repost, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Retro Friday // The Bottom Line

September 9, 2011 by Leave a Comment

This is a 6-month anniversary post we wrote for VolunteerYouthMinistry.com. It takes some of our favorite posts from those 6 months and breaks them down into a short refresher. Enjoy!

—–

This week marks the six month anniversary that we have been writing this blog. The time passed quickly to be honest, but when I look back there has been a lot we have learned in these past six months. We’d like to share a few of those lessons with you.

1. Student ministry takes three things: a heart for students, a willingness to be an example and a lot of prayer! There were times when I thought we would run out of things to write about, but I don’t think that is ever going to happen. God continues to place us in situations where we are learning and growing and we pass those on to you.

2. Pain is real. We both have had to deal with some messy situations with some of our students this year. Their pain is our pain, and it kills me when I think of some of the stuff that my small group guys have gone through. But I keep Phil. 4:13 in mind, and use it when I talk with students. I try to point out the lessons that God teaches us with each pain and trouble that we go through.

3. We grow as our students grow. I think I have grown more spiritually in the past year than I have at any time in my life. We learn as we teach, we grow closer to God as we show our students how awesome their life can be when they grow closer to God. When we love on our students, we realize how much God loves us.

4. We get blessed just as much if not more than our students. I call this the “dirty little secret” in student ministry. All of us choose student ministry because we have a heart for students and we want to help them, we want them to have a blessed life, and we want them to grow closer to God and find salvation in their lives. Truth is, God blesses us as we do that.

5. Keep growing, keep learning. Leaders are learners, when you stop learning you stop leading. I want to be able to answer the tough questions for my students. Learning more about the Bible and about God draws me closer to Him. My quiet time each day is vital to having a close relationship with God. There have been times when I have read a bible passage and that very day a student would come to me with a problem that would relate to scripture I just read. I call those times, “a total God thing”. God knew the situation I was going to be in, and he gave me the ammo to fight the battle before I even got on the battlefield.

6. When things get tough, you’re doing something right. The enemy loves to kick us down a peg when we start doing good things for God. If you experience spiritual warfare, you know you’re either getting close to a breakthrough, or the enemy doesn’t like where you’re going. The hardest, most discouraging times in youth ministry are times when I know I’m doing great things.

7. Our time isn’t our time. Even with all the time we put into this game we call “youth ministry,” we have to remember that we’re not living on our time. Just like everything else, God has given us the time we have and we need to keep in mind that things will happen on His schedule. We might want something really badly, but if it’s not the right time, it’s not going to happen.

Here’s the bottom line in student ministry...how many students will be in heaven one day because you took the time to volunteer your time and pass on what you have learned from generation to generation?

Filed Under: Retro Friday

Where did the passion go? – Part 2

September 8, 2011 by 1 Comment

On Tuesday I wrote about the problem of losing your passion. If you haven’t read that yet, head over there and you’ll get the setup for today’s post. Today we’ll go into how to bring the passion back if you know you’ve lost it.

When I realized I lost my passion, I got very troubled. I didn’t know how long my passion had been gone, why it went away, or even how I could get it back. All I knew was I saw people with passion, and I wanted to be like them. I wanted to have this burning passion for God and a passion for seeking Him and wanting to pursue Him. So how do you do that if you feel like that inherent passion is gone?

The answer is actually quite simple, but most people probably don’t think about it. We need to pursue that passion even when we don’t feel like it. Let me explain: If you feel like your passion is gone for God, you need to pursue God by bringing yourself closer to Him. If you feel burned out in youth ministry and don’t feel like your passion is there, you need to immerse yourself in it.

Most of the time when you lose passion for something, it didn’t go anywhere. You did. In order to get back to the “on fire” stage, you need to move closer to where you were before. For me, this meant seeking out God more. I spent a lot more intentional time in prayer, asking God to light the fire I know I have. I also made sure to spend more time in His Word. By seeking God, I brought myself closer to Him. It was difficult at first because I didn’t feel like what I was doing made a difference, but I soon realized it made all the difference in the world.

I don’t know where your passion went. Maybe it’s just part of the normal cycle, or maybe there was a specific event that killed your passion. What I do know is that your original burning passion is still there. You just have to draw closer to it, and you’ll escape the “lack of passion” stage and go back to being “on fire.”

Filed Under: Spriritual Life Tagged With: , , , ,
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