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Small Problems vs. Big Problems

October 18, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Sometimes small problems are BIG problems to others. I have found this to be especially true in student ministry. A student will call me with a problem and he will be just beside himself with worry and my first thought sometimes is, “Wow, you’re this worked up over this trivial problem?” The answer is yes, they are! I have to remember back to my teen years and something that now seems like nothing was a big deal back then.

It’s important to remember that some times, students know the right answer to solve a problem,  they just need some affirmation. This past week I had a student call me in a panic over something and I gave him some advice and without revealing the problem, my answer to him was simple, “Honestly is always the best policy, just call your mom and tell her what happened and I bet it all works out.” I know he knew that. I know he knew that was what he was going to do; he just needed someone to tell him that was the right  thing to do.

He made a mistake, he called his mom and told her what happened and then called me back. He was totally at ease now, his mom understood what happened and he didn’t spend the rest of the day worrying about it. This was an easy problem to solve, but I felt good for a couple of reasons.  First, he trusted me enough to confide in me what happened. Second, he wanted advice from me, and third he followed the advice!

Sometimes students just need you to be there for them.  They need a sounding board, or they need someone to tell them they are doing the right thing. I don’t mind being that guy one bit.

Are you there for your students for little problems and big problems?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

What to write in a parent letter

October 17, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Matt: This year I made sure that I got e-mail addresses for all of my parents, I want to send them a weekly update of what we are talking about in my high school small group, what activities and serve projects we have planned. I wanted to have an open conduit for parents to be able to contact me about what they may see as a problem in their son’s life that I’m not aware of. At the same time, I want to insure  my guys that what we talk about remains confidential. In my parent letter I nicely explained that short of their son telling me something that would cause me to believe that he is a danger to himself or others, what ever we talk bout would remain with me. Students won’t open up completely if they don’t trust you. So, in a nutshell, here’s what I’m going to put in my parent letter e-mail each week:

1. The topic we are covering and the scripture behind the topic.

2. I want to do a lot of growing and bonding with this group outside of the normal Tuesday night small group time, so I want to give parents plenty of notice, especially since some of the events might involve a small cost.

3.  Prayer requests.I want to ask for parents to pray for the group, not for specific topics that might jeopardize the confidentiality of a student, but for what we are studying, and for general problems. The more prayer the better, every little bit helps.

4. I want to get this group involved in a serve project that will be more than just helping out at the food pantry once or twice during our time. I want to teach them that to show your love for Jesus is to show your love for others. Students grow in their faith when they are serving in a ministry.

5. I want to reach out to parents and offer any assistance to them that I can. We should be ministering to the students entire family.

Steven: Matt covered a lot of good stuff above, so I’ll try to keep my bit a little shorter and only offer things that are different. I send out a parent email every week, and parents LOVE it. They love knowing what’s going on in the group, which topic we’re discussing and how they can be helping us out.

In my parent emails I usually have three “staple” sections – the ones that are in the email every week, and some extras.The staples are:

  • This week… – this explains what we’ll be talking about this coming week and what parents can expect their kids to learn
  • Next week… – I like to let parents know ahead of time (about a week advance)
  • Prayer requests… – I have a mixed bag of parents this year – some that are total prayer warriors, and the other than have interest in Christianity but want to know what’s going on. Prayer requests give parents peace of mind, and it also involves them in the group.

I also want to try something a little different in my parent emails this year. I want to include something that is specifically ministering to the parents in some way. Whether that’s giving them practical advice for relating and dealing with their kids or something more for personal spiritual development, I think it will be very positive to specifically help them out.

With that being said, I do think it’s important to be available to parents.For me and my group, email is a great way to stay in tough and exchange information quickly.

Filed Under: Parent ministry, Small Groups, Youth Ministry

Checklist for a Successful Small Group Session

October 15, 2011 by Leave a Comment

We’ve been talking alot about the start of small groups this week. I love this post from Doug Franklin, it’s a great checklist of things you should do before every small group meeting! You can find his original post here.

Before you teach through each session, ask yourself:

Have I:

  • Reviewed the material sufficiently so that I can teach it confidently?
  • Reflected on what God is teaching me personally in this area?
  • Prayed for God’s wisdom regarding what I will teach and asked Him for insight into
    my students’ lives?
  • Identified my small group’s leadership strengths and areas still needing to be
    addressed?
  • Anticipated any new developments or outcomes that might occur as a result of this
    lesson?

Am I:

  • Enthusiastic about what I am about to teach?
  • Committed to being as open and honest as I want/expect my students to be?
  • Ready to challenge my students out of their comfort zones to reach the next level?
  • Clear about where I want to lead the group and how this session will help us get
    there?

Are my students:

  • Learning what I want them to learn? Are they “getting” it?
  • In the best setting/environment) to learn? (Is the room set up? Is it adequate? Do
    they have the resources they need – pens, paper, etc.?)
  • Growing in the areas of unity and trust regarding the team?
  • Confused about anything from a prior session that I need to address?
  • Excited about becoming all that God wants them to be?
Filed Under: Repost, Small Groups Tagged With: , , ,

GUEST POST: Sharing Christ: Reflections on Christian Community

October 14, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I have had Christian community constantly on the brain for about the past six months or so. As the small group leader of a rag-tag band of young Christian men for the past 4 years, I have seen our community grow and change. Specifically, it has been the realization that Christ stands at the center of how we relate to other people that I have chosen to reflect upon.

In his spiritual classic Life Together, German pastor, martyr, and theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes the following words about what Christian community really is: “Christian community means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ.” The simplicity of the statement should help us see that Christ must stand at the center of all of our relationships, both with fellow Christians and with those outside the faith.

This leads Bonhoeffer to say that Christian community “means first, that a Christian needs others for the sake of Jesus Christ” and “second, that a Christian comes to others only through Jesus Christ.” In the rest of this post, I want to examine these two different aspects of Christian community and how I have tried to cultivate them in my small group.

  1. Community is a gift; we need others for the sake of Christ.

This may strike us as strange. Isn’t Christ all we need? Well, yes, but we shouldn’t miss the bigger picture Bonhoeffer is getting at. Salvation is not just a future thing, but also a present reality we now live into. This is because Jesus sets us at peace with God through his life, death, and resurrection; this is the good news of the gospel. Our life as Christians should reflect the change that we have in and through Christ. One way that we experience this is through the life of the church, the body of Christ in the world. God gives us one another so that we might grow together as we follow Christ.

When I look at my small group, I see a variety of different gifts, talents, and personalities, but the one thing that we have in common is our relationship with Christ. I firmly believe that God has brought our group together so that we might complement each other as we all strive after God together. And it is from here that I want to move into the second aspect of community.

2. Community is a gift; we come to others only through Christ.

Not only has God forgiven us, but others as well. The forgiveness we have in Christ must transform the way that we relate with our family, friends, and neighbors (in the Good Samaritan sense of the word). This means that we cannot privilege anything about how we relate with one another over Christ. If I were to try to keep my small group together on my own power or with anything we might have in common other than Christ, it is destined to fade. Christ truly does hold all things together, as it says in Colossians 1:17.

But this doesn’t mean that small groups are about creating “holy huddles” of Christians. God has given us the gift of a common life in Christ so that we might invite others to join us in it. In 2 Corinthians 5:18, Paul reminds the church at Corinth that God has reconciled us to himself so that we might become ministers of reconciliation in the world around us.

One of the most encouraging things to have happened in my small group is seeing it grow organically. Others have been invited to come and see what Christianity is about because our group has been living out their faith beyond our weekly meetings.

The goal of Christian community cannot be just internal growth of believers together, but also the external growth of non-Christians being invited into Christian community so that they may also learn to know and love God. The church is at its best when we share Christ together so that we may better share Christ with those that don’t know him. These are the two dimensions of sharing Christ.

Taylor Ishii is a member of Saddleback Church and a volunteer in the High School Ministry for the past 7 years. He works at Saddleback Church in the Student Ministry Building alongside Matt and Steven and is a student at Fuller Theological Seminary.

Filed Under: Guest post, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

First night of small group tradition

October 13, 2011 by 4 Comments

When I was in 8th grade, I was in a small group of about 10 guys, led by 2 awesome leaders who were both seniors in high school. Most of the guys in the group knew each other, so there wasn’t a lot of awkwardness, but there is always some tension when you’re at a new place with new leaders you’ve never met before. That all changed with a simple act that forever changed my life.

Typically in our junior high groups, one of the guys brings some kind of food or snack each week. One night it might be cookies from mom’s kitchen, the next it will be a big bag of chips, or once in a while we’ll see someone go all out and bring Taco Bell tacos for everyone. However, this first night of 8th grade small group was different. Chris and Daniel brought the snack. They told us it was a tradition for them to bring Eggo waffles with all the fixin’s on the first night of small group. Thus, the tradition continued.

This week, the tradition was carried on yet again. This is my 4th year leading a junior high small group, and I can proudly say that it is my 4th year brining Eggo waffles for the first night’s snack. It has been an honor and a privilege to keep the tradition going strong, and I hope that when some of these guys grow up and go on to be leaders themselves, they will keep it going.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Can You Give Me One Piece Of Advice?

October 12, 2011 by Leave a Comment

in·ten·tion·al [in-ten-shuh-nl] adjective 1. done with intention or on purpose; intended. 2. of or pertaining to intention or purpose.

One of my goals this year is to be intentional with my small group guys. Tonight was our first meeting and to say that everything went great would be an understatement. I know all but three of the guys in my group, but I can already tell this is going to be an amazing year. We have already talked about some tough issues, and these guys really get into a good Bible study-discussion time.

Before our time with the students tonight, the high school small group leaders met for an hour training session. This year we have new leaders who literally signed up to be small group leaders two-weeks ago. I introduced myself to one tonight and during our conversation he asked me if I could give him one piece of advice what would that be?

My answer to him was “Be real, and be intentional with your group.” He asked what that meant and I described it this way:

Be real. Don’t try and to be something you’re not, don’t try to act cool, don’t try and impress them, just be yourself. Teenagers can see right through you if you’re not real with them. Quickest way for them to lose  respect for you is for you to be “fake” with them.

Be Intentional. Let them know you’re there for them and don’t just say it, mean it! Be a part of their lives not just someone they see for two hours a week at a Bible study. Text them, call them, meet them for lunch, go to one of their games, whatever it takes.

I think one of the most important feelings that we as humans crave is to know that “someone cares” It doesn’t have to be something big, the little things matter too! A random text during the week that you are thinking about them and praying for whatever problem you know they are having goes a long, long way.

If you had to give one piece of advice to a new leader what would it be?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Learning from my past mistakes

October 11, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Yesterday I read an awesome, authentic post on Doug Fields’s blog. Doug writes about five ways he was a “lousy small group leader” this summer, and I love how real he is. It got me thinking about what I’ve done wrong in youth ministry and how I would change it, so I’m going to take a page from Doug’s book and post a few of the mistakes I’m learning from.

Here are some areas I’ve made mistakes in and what I’m going to do to fix them:

  1. I need to be more intentional. This is something I used to have written on the white board in my room to constantly remind me. It’s vague, but what it means to me is that I need to intentionally do things for my small group boys. I would love to show up to all their football games, school plays and the like, but I don’t have a very good track record of that.
  2. I need to be more direct. I feel like I’ve missed a lot of opportunities to have great conversations with my guys because I’ve beaten around the bush. I need to remember that as their small group leader, they’re expecting me to have those conversations with them. This year I’ll be focusing a lot more on making sure those conversations happen with all my guys.
  3. I need to pick my battles. So many nights after small group is over, I’m exhausted from telling guys to be quiet or stop being disruptive. Once in a while this is necessary to stay on track, but I think I need to relax a little more and let boys be boys. They’re not always going to be the perfect little cherubs I’m expecting them to be.
  4. I need to show my boys more of Jesus’ love. So often I think I get too focused on teaching something that I lose sight of the ultimate goal – being a godly role model to my small group boys. By just loving on the guys and not being so “by the book,” I’ll be able to show my junior high boys the love of Christ they can experience in their lives.

I’m happy to say I don’t know it all. I’m even happier to say that I can learn from the mistakes I’ve made. Luckily I still have another year with my current small group to fix some of those things. I’m sure I’ll continue to make mistakes, but mistakes are what make us better leaders for our students.

Question: What mistakes have you made in the past that you’ve been able to learn from and improve on?

Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Kid in Crisis Checklist

October 10, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Steven: At some point in your career as a youth leader, you’re going to get the call or text. It’ll be from one of your students about some kind of difficulty or crisis they’re going through, and they’re seeking you out for help and advice. If you’ve never been through this before, it can seem like a nightmare. Every situation will look a little bit different and there’s no blanket recipe of steps to working through it. That being said, here is what I do most of the time in a situation like this:

  1. Let them know they’re not alone. This is usually one of my first steps. Students need to hear that the issue they’re going through isn’t unique to them. Most of the time they won’t arrive here on their own, so they need your voice to tell them. This will start to put them a little more at ease.
  2. Get details. Oftentimes you won’t get the full story in the initial conversation, phone call or text. Once you get a feel for what’s happening, get some details. Find out everything you need to know to fully assess the situation. Once you know details, it will make the advice-giving step much easier and more accurate to the student’s situation.
  3. Offer advice. If the situation is something you have some experience with, give them some pearls of wisdom. If you’ve been through the situation yourself, it might be appropriate to tell that to your student and say what you did to overcome it. If you don’t have any idea what to tell them, either point them in the direction of someone who will have good advice, or seek it out yourself and get back with the student later. If you need to choose the second option, don’t wait too long to get back to them.
  4. Pray with them. If it’s a conversation you’re having either on the phone or in person, don’t miss an opportunity to pray with the student before they leave. This can be super powerful and bonding for you as their leader, and it obviously acknowledges God in asking for his help.

Matt: When I get a text or a phone call from a student who is going through a difficult time, no matter what the problem I usually go through the same mental checklist of things to ask or tell them. Here’s what I do:

  1. I let them know I care and that I’m glad that they have trust in me to come to me with a problem. I let my guys know that if they have a serious issue that is troubling them, they can text or call me 24/7. I’ve yet to have any students abuse this, or call me at three in the morning about a trivial problem that could have waited until morning.
  2. Listen. Yep, just listen at first. Sometimes students just need someone to vent their frustration to. The second thing I listen for is God revealing to me the right words to say. I have never been at a loss for words, and I’ve always feared that time when a student has a problem and I don’t have a clue what to tell them. But it’s never happened. I pray and wait and listen and God has never failed me on giving me the right words to say.
  3. Pray. Pray for your student, and let them know you are keeping them in prayer and tell them to pray. If they don’t mind sharing with their small group, ask them to text the other guys in the group and ask for their prayers.
  4. They are not alone. Often times when students are going through a problem, they think they are the only ones who have ever dealt with this problem. When you know that others struggle with the same issues you have, it makes it easier to work out the problem.
  5. Follow up. Text or call them the next day or two and find out how things are going. Let them know you are still there for them. When they have confidence and trust in  for small problems, they won’t hesitate to call you for the big stuff.
Filed Under: Counseling, Youth Ministry Tagged With:

5 Things I Wish I Knew When I Started Youth Ministry

October 8, 2011 by 1 Comment

Check out this post by Russell St. Bernard, a youth worker in Silver Spring, MD. For all the youth workers or volunteers starting in ministry, these are 5 great things to remember. We’ve posted the first three here, so head over to the post on ChurchLeaders.com for the other two.

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5. Bigger Doesn’t Mean Better

When I first got into youth ministry I was drawn toward seeing what the “Big” church’s youth ministries were doing. I thought that the only thing I needed to be successful was a large number of students coming to my student services or gatherings. However, I now realize that size is not the most important way to measure your ministry.

Don’t get me wrong: I believe and trust that God wants our youth ministries to grow and reach as many students and families as possible. But the most important thing is not size, but effectively developing and training students to learn and then live their Christian faith in a REAL way.
If we get caught up in the numbers of youth ministry, we miss out on the “ministry” of youth ministry, which is meeting the needs of those that make up the numbers. They should be our focus! Move past size and do ministry.

4. Just Because You Can Do It Yourself Doesn’t Mean You Should

When I started in youth ministry, I was so excited about what I was doing for God that I wanted to do everything myself. I ended up doing everything myself for a long time. I didn’t understand that in order for you to have an effective and growing youth ministry, you need a team of great servants.

I have learned that one of the most effective ways to grow your youth ministry is by growing the people who serve with you. These people grow best by doing, not watching. Until I learned this, our ministry was only producing based on what I did. Once others got involved, the effectiveness of the ministry grew by leaps and bounds. Move past yourself and get others involved.

3. Everyone Needs A Break

For my first few years in youth ministry I never took a real break, or vacation from the ministry. Sure I had time off, but my mind was still going: thinking, planning, and praying about the ministry. Now I’m not saying that you need to stop thinking, planning, or praying for your ministry, but we ALL need a break in order for us to get refueled and recharged for the ministry.

If you are married and/or have kids they need you to occasionally unplug from ministry. If you are single and don’t have kids, you still need to unplug from the ministry. If you don’t take a real break from ministry at least once a year, and take your days off during the week (or at least one day, mine is Thursday, not only will your chances of burnout increase but some of your effectiveness in ministry will decrease. A good saw needs to be re-sharpened every now and again. Everyone needs a break.

Filed Under: Repost, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

GUEST POST: Bible Study Methods (Six Searches)

October 7, 2011 by Leave a Comment

As friends of Matt and Steven, I was honored to receive an invite to share on the Generation to Generation Youth Ministry blog. I was even more excited to see recent blog posts about empowering students to have a quiet time and to connect with God.  Here’s what I’ve learned recently on that topic:

As youth leaders, we should be passionate about ministering WITH students NOT ministering TO our students. In the long run, ministering TO students keeps them entertained, in a consumerist mentality. Ministering WITH students empowers them, frees them to lead and serve.

My wife and I started a college age small group this fall.  We love it soooo much! Instead of us spending 2 hours a week preparing an in depth bible study for our students, we decided to teach them a way of studying scripture. We didn’t want the study time in our group to be dependent on us. Instead, we teach a simple approach to studying the word, almost anyone in the small group can lead the study (or apply this in their personal time in the Word!)  Teaching them to study the Bible is an important key in the process of empowering them. It’s what being a Disciple of Christ is about.

We took an approach from the book called “Learn to Study the Bible” by Andy Deane. One of the approaches in this book is called the “six searches” approach.  It lists six questions to ask when studying a passage of scripture.  We are studying Ephesians together.  Each week, we read a passage from the text in two different translations, and then answer the 6 questions below:

-What did you like?

-What didn’t you like?

-What didn’t you understand?

-What did you learn about God?

-What should you do?

-What phrase can you take with you today?

It was so exciting after the first week of doing this study to experience the passion and hope that the students had by doing a Bible study this way! Too few of us ministry leaders take the time to teach students how to study the Bible, because we like being the “talking heads.”  Instead, let us equip them to ministry! This week, I encourage you to try it!  See how your students when you teach them to feed themselves on the Word!

Jim Sonnenburg is part of the Crave team (college-aged ministry) at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, CA. He heads up small groups and ministers to college-aged guys.

Filed Under: Guest post, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,
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