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I HAD a lesson prepared for my small group…

February 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last week I had one of those events that I call “a total God moment”.  It’s amoment when God just kind of speaks to you and pushes you in a direction and you have no idea why, but at the end of the night you realize how awesome it was and why God led you there.

I had a lesson prepared for my high school small group guys. I was going to talk about the Beatitudes  and how they apply to our lives today. I did a lot of research, I borrowed a commentary from Steven by D.A. Carson on the Books of Matthew and Luke, I spelled out practical applications, and by the time I was done I had 5 pages of notes. When I was done with this lesson my guys were going to be totally schooled on the Beatitudes, they would be reciting them in their sleep. I knew I had nailed this lesson, heck, even I understood the Beatitudes better than I ever have! About 30 minutes before my group meets I did my usual routine of going into my office in the Student Ministry building at Saddleback Church, closing my door and having some serious prayer time with Jesus before hand.

When I was done with prayer time, I don’t know why but something kept telling me that tonight was not the night for the lesson I had prepared. “No”, I thought…it has to be I’ve spent a lot of time on this and it’s good if I don’t say so myself!  But the closer the time got to my small group meeting time and my guys started arriving I kept getting this feeling that I need to skip the lesson for tonight and do something else. I put it out of my mind until we got into our meeting room, and began talking about everyone’s week. It hit me again…not tonight..put this lesson away. By then I figured it out and knew it was God telling me something else needed to be talked about tonight. The next thing I knew I started asking them to tell me what the definition of forgiveness is, and do they need to forgive anyone? Or do they need to ask forgiveness of someone? One of the guys asked me for my definition of forgiveness. I told him to me, true forgiveness means that I forever give up the right to hold against you what you have done to me. Once I say “I forgive you”, its done, its gone, it never happened.

At that moment one of the guys began talking about something he had done and needed to ask forgiveness for. It was a pretty tough issue and I was so proud of him for putting his feelings out there. And then another one, and by the time the night was over two more had text me about issues they needed to ask someone to forgive them for. That night our group’s Facebook page lit up with comments from the guys thanking me for the lesson and for helping them make some tough decisions tonight. WOW! If I had kept with my original plan none of this would have happened! God definitely knew what was best for the lesson last night and I’m thankful I heard and followed His direction. The awesome part is that I got to just sit back and watch them minister to each other! Tears were shed, hugs were given out and accountability partners were chosen.

My question is….are you far enough along in your faith to recognize when God is moving you to or away from something?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Taking the temperature of your small group

February 27, 2012 by 2 Comments

Matt: I think it’s important from time to time to take the temperature and pulse of your student ministry small group. You need to take some time before a group meeting and ask yourself if there are students in your group that maybe need more attention than others or a student who has a special need that the rest in the group do not have. Ask yourself who is participating each week and who is just sitting back while others do the talking. Ask them how their quiet time is going. Ask questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no. If you get a one word answer be sure and ask follow-up questions. Make sure you’re checking in with parents to see if they have any issues that are of a concern to them that you don’t know about.

Text or call your students during the week. If your students are like mine, texting is the way to go. Let them know you’re there for them, and if they reach out to you, by all means reach back! When I have a student going through a tough time I make sure that I contact him in some way every single day. If I don’t hear back from him, I keep at it until I do. One more thing that is important in checking the health of your small group…who is showing up every week and who is just hit and miss. If you have a student that is missing a lot of meetings, get to the bottom of it. I have one student who misses every other week because his eagle scout meeting is also on the same night as our small group night. The week I don’t see him I make sure and contact him and let him know what we are talking about that week so when he comes back the following week he is not lost or feels left out.

Steven: It’s one thing to have great discussions with your group, teach great lessons and form great relationships. Those things are really the heart of any great group, but they’re useless if they’re not tailored to fit your group. You can write and teach the best lesson in the world, but if your group doesn’t connect with it or aren’t in a place where they need to hear it, they’ll get nothing from it.

That’s where evaluating the spiritual direction of your group comes in.

Until you know where your group is spiritually and what they need help in, there will be no growth. Ultimately our goal as youth workers is to grow students closer to God and equip them to do so on their own. When we are able to evaluate which areas they’re weakest in, it gives us a huge advantage in meeting that goal.

One of the things I’ve used to evaluate the health of my small groups is a simple “where are you?” form. I’ll hand one out to each of my guys during a small group meeting and give them some time to fill it out. (Side note: Give them time to do it there in front of you, rather than take it home and bring it back next week. That way you’re ensured to get responses back!) It will ask basic questions like:

  • How would you describe your relationship with God? Have you been baptized?
  • What are some areas you’ve been struggling in?
  • How can we as leaders help you better?
  • What are some discussions you think we need to have as a group?

Once I get those back, I’m able to compare them and see a trend in where the group is. Sometimes they’re all over the board and we need to cater to individuals’ needs on a one-on-one basis, but other times there are definite trends that can be addressed in a group setting to draw our students closer to God and each other.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Five Questions with Craig Gross

February 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This week I met a good friend and trusted advisor, Josh Griffin for coffee and we had an amazing hour together. I’m unique in that one of the mentors in my life, is younger than me but I can’t begin to tell you how much he has guided me on the path of working with students. One of the things we talked about was major issues facing students today. In my opinion pornography and pornography addictions are right up there with spiritual emptiness. If those of us in the trenches don’t address this issue with students and if we try to pretend it’s not there, it will keep getting worse and more teens are going to suffer. If you’re a female leader of a girl’s group please don’t stop reading here, girls are getting addicted to porn too!

If you don’t know who Craig Gross is…you should. He’s the founder of XXX Church.com.  Recently Josh sat down with Craig and asked him five questions. Here’s a tease of the post here. You can find the entire post here. Please read this carefuly…it might make a huge difference in a student’s life if you do.

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As a young pastor in Southern California, Craig Gross began to notice a recurring theme among those he cared for – a struggle with pornography. Boldly and courageously, he decided to address the root of the problem, so he went to the porn industry to ask some questions. This passion led him to start XXXChurch.com a website devoted to telling the truth about porn. It now has had over 70 million visitors to the website and almost a half of million people using X3Watch Accountability Software.

1) what are you most proud of in your work with the church and sexuality/pornography?

I am most proud that we have taken an issue that was silent in the church but widespread and in the 10 years we have been doing this we have seen openness to talk about this issue now like I never would have imagined. I find myself speaking at different churches each weekend in different parts of the country that I always ask myself.. are we sure this is the right place? Along the journey, I have met a lot of people that tell me they are accountable now using our software. It’s not about the software, it is about the relationships that I believe are changed and challenged because of this conversation and that means a lot to know that we have 1 million people now using our accountability software.

Filed Under: Repost, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Should we move toward multi-generational ministry?

February 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

A common trend in youth ministry that seems to be getting more popular in the blogosphere is inter-generational (AKA family) ministry. Youth ministry greats like Mark Oestreicher and others like Jim Candy are predicting (read advocating) that churches are going to start moving toward this unification and integration of teens into the “big church” setting.

Is this the right move?

My gut reaction to the inter-generational movement is negative. I’m not a big fan of bringing teens and adults together, but I think that’s because of one particular reason–I’ve never seen it work. I come from a church background where we have all of our generations separated: kids, students (teens), college-age and adults. I serve in a youth ministry that is not only separate from adults, but split between junior high and high school. As far as I can tell from my years growing up in the church, I think it’s been extremely successful.

Maybe it works better in a smaller-congregation church. Again, I don’t have much experience in this kind of setting, but maybe that’s the difference in this debate. When you put everyone together in a small church where everyone knows everyone, it would seem more logical to keep families together. But then the question arises: are the younger kids going to be appropriately spiritually fed in an adult-led service? Or, if churches cater more to a younger generation, what happens to the spiritual growth of the adults?

It will be interesting over the next few years to see how this idea develops and either gains popularity or fades off into the distance. One thing is for sure: students, whether integrated into a family setting or set apart, need to hear the gospel and be fed just as much as adults; maybe even more-so.

Question: What are your thoughts on multi-generational ministry? Share your thoughts here.

Filed Under: Culture, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

You Can’t Feed Students If You’re Not Getting Fed

February 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the amazing things I have noticed about teenagers is how perceptive they are, when they want to be. I make this point because I think as a leader of a high school small group, I can’t preach to them about doing the right thing if I’m not doing it myself, they see right through you. I don’t want to get preachy here but you can’t teach and lead students about living Godly, biblical lives if you’re not doing it yourself.  When we decided to be involved in student ministry, either as a paid worker or a volunteer, we all made a committment to live our lives as examples to students and not just go by the “do as I say, not as I do” rule.

I could give many examples of living your life in a way that’s a great example to to students but one that really comes to mind is in your own daily Bible study. Teens know when you’re faking it. We can’t tell them how important a quiet time and daily Bible study is if we are not getting fed by the Word ourselves every day. Getting in the Word keeps you connected to God, it helps you stay true to your morals and values, it helps you with problems that come up in your life and also when students come to you with a problem. 

It’s like someone who has never run a marathon deciding that tomorrow they are going to run a marathon. You might make it for the first mile or so, if your lucky, but you’re going to fall out of the race pretty fast compared to those who are committed to running. Same thing applies here. If I’m getting fed from the Bible on a regular basis, its easy for me to turn to the Bible in times of need and also to refer students there. The Bible is God’s love letter to us and for lack of a better term, it’s an “owner’s manual” for life. The more you know the Bible, the more you’re able to use it in life applications.

Question:  Are you getting in the Word on a regular basis?

Filed Under: Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Too Old, Too Soon; Too Young, Too Long

February 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment

If you’re a junior high youth worker, be sure to check out this post from Kurt Johnston, the student ministries pastor at Saddleback Church. His post is more JHigh specific, but if you’re a high school or college youth worker, this could give you some insight into what will be coming your way in the next couple of years. Excerpt below; follow the link at the bottom for the whole thing.

Do me a favor and re-read the title of this post one more time. I believe it accurately states the current adolescent journey.
For those of us who work with junior highers, it presents a unique opportunity (challenge):
How do we help young teenagers hold onto childhood/youthful innocence while adequately preparing them for young adulthood in our culture?

(Read more)

Filed Under: Culture, Repost, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Have we moved to a desensitized culture?

February 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Steven: It seems like we have a change in culture happening right now. This may be something that has been going on for a while, but I’ve been noticing it more and more in my students and people I come in contact with. It seems that people are becoming immune to certain things, usually entertainment, that don’t quite fit in with a lifestyle that is honoring to God or portrays Christianity in a healthy way.

This can take many different forms, but the one I see most often is in music.

Music now more than ever has a huge influence on our culture. Since the iPod made music so readily accessible, students are constantly surrounded by it. When my small group starts on Tuesday night, half of my boys are going to be arriving with earbuds in their heads, blasting the latest top-40 hit.

The problem isn’t music in general, but rather the lyrics associated with the music our students are listening to these days. One of my boys, who otherwise is solid in the way he lives his life for God, has a knack for finding music with the trashiest lyrics in it. References to drugs, sex, truckloads of profanity, it’s all there. For some reason though, he sees no problem with it. There’s no connection in his mind between the words he’s hearing (on repeat) and how they might be affecting his life.

I don’t know how long this problem has been going on. I’m sure it’s been around longer than I realize, but we need to be hyper-aware of what our students are immersing themselves in and try to get the message across that music isn’t always just music.

Matt: The other day while walking through our student ministry building I ran into a group of students that I would call some of our “core” kids. These are the students that are at every service and are very involved and serve in various ministries. As I got close I could hear them singing a rap/hip-hop song and I was kind of taken back by the words. I’m no prude and it’s not like I hadn’t heard these words before and it wasn’t even swear words, but the lyrics were so degrading to women and and they made sex and drugs sound okay and glorified. What shocked me more than the words were the kids singing them. When I asked them about it they seemed like it was no big deal, these are not things they would do, they just like the song. It make me think…have we become that desensitized to these topics?

It reminded me of my career in law enforcement and 20 years ago when gang shootings began to occur here in Orange County, California. Those things happened other places not here. A gang shooting would not only be front page headlines but the lead story on the six o’clock news. Now its so commonplace that I don’t think a drive-by shooting even makes it onto page 22, below the fold.

We have posted before about when you fill your mind with junk, trash is what will come out of your mouth. We need to find a way to talk to with students about this without being too “preachy,” but at the same time undo some of the desensitizing that has occurred. If garbage finds its way into students’ heads from music, it just opens the door to get there form other places as well. One of the questions I asked that group of students I encountered was, “Would you like someone talking about your mother or your sister that way?” The answer I got back was “NO.” Well then, why is okay for you to say those things? I think I saw the lightbulb come on…at least I hope so.

Question: How do we move from being desensitized to aware of what’s going into our minds?

Filed Under: Culture, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

How Big Is Your Discipleship Vision

February 18, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Love this post from Andy Blanks, probably because it starts out talking about walking through a spider web which I hate doing, but it’s a great visual for this article. You can find a tease below and the entire article here.

A question: How big is your discipleship vision?

The other day I was running through the woods around our neighborhood. I came to an area where there are woods on the right and left bordering an open field, maybe 15 yards across. As I was running, I ran through a spiderweb that stretched all the way across this field.

I immediately thought to myself, “That is one ambitious spider!” I didn’t think anything more of it. Until the next morning when the exact same thing happened again! Same spider web, same field. It got me thinking . . .

Here’s what we know about this spider. He’s ambitious. That’s a heck of a goal! I don’t know what it takes to spin a web across a 50 foot span, but my hunch is that it ain’t easy. His efforts were rewarded by me crashing through it. But, we also know this about the spider: he wasn’t easily discouraged! The next day, another audacious goal. He went big, suffered a setback, and went big again . . . only to suffer yet another setback! (I really wish I had run the trail a third day to see if the spider had gone big once more.)

Filed Under: Repost, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Generation to Generation to Generation

February 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last week we posted about  one of Steven’s former students and how he has gone on to lead a kids small group. This week we feature one of Matt’s former students who is now helping to co-lead a high school small group. We asked Parker to write about his experience:

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Matt was my Small Group leader when I was in high school and he had one of the biggest impacts on my life. I was just a regular messed up high school student and didn’t have much sense of direction for my life. I went to church all my life but never grasped the true meaning of what having a relationship with Christ was like. When I was asked to join a small group I was kind of hesitant but I went anyways and man did I get a reality check. Matt and my other leader Mel instantly became my role models. Their hearts for high school students and ministry was an inspiration to all of the students in our group. I began to see how my heart changed once God was in control and was directing my life. My heart instantly changed from wanting to be a Firefighter or a professional athlete to being in high school ministry and being a leader like them.

Right when I got out of high school I wanted to get involved with the high school ministry at church. I was blessed with two offers to be a Co-Leader with two different high school small groups. One was being a Co-Leader with Matt and the other one was with my best friend Nathan; and man was the decision hard. I finally chose being a leader with Nathan only because he is closer in age and his high school students are a few years younger than me. What’s cool about this group is a lot of them were in the a junior high small group led by Steven a couple of years ago. Leading the group has been life changing for me. I love my guys and they are more than I could ask for. God has blessed me with seventeen guys and all of them are on fire for Christ.

Working at Saddleback Church has given me an awesome opportunity to see my guys all the time because most of them volunteer about four nights a week. One thing that had the most impact on my life right now was the opportunity to participate in the baptism one of my students just this past weekend. It was such a remarkable, incredible, thing that I didn’t think I would ever actually do in my life.  Being nineteen and having that much impact on a student was staggering and gave me even more motivation to keep moving in the direction to get more involved in High School Ministry.

 

Filed Under: Guest post, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

God’s Guard Rails – How God keeps us safe when we lose traction

February 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

We all go through some tough times every now and then, some more than others. It’s important to remember that what is earth-shattering to a student might seem like a trivial matter to us. Nonetheless, to a student it’s a big deal. It’s during these times that the temptation to fall away from the Word instead of toward the Word happens.

These are times when we have to depend on God’s guard rails in our lives. God doesn’t want us to just drive down the road of tough times and stress without offering us some kind of help. Carrie Underhill’s song, “Jesus, take the wheel” comes to mind, but that’s exactly what we need to do. We need to remember that if we’re steering down the path and not letting God lead you down the path, you surely will run the risk of going over the edge. But when God is steering you just gently nudge the guard rails and let his Word and prayer bring you back into the lane.

At least, this is how I’ve explained this to students. Often times when I’m going through a tough time I’m very inclined to try to fix everything myself and not ask for help. Big, big mistake! This is the time you reach out to someone in your life who you trust and  who will reach back to you and let you know, “I’m here for you, and I’ll help you.” You might be that person for a student going through a tough time. If you are that person remember you shouldn’t be steering the car either, but rather you should be praying for God to give you the words and direction to help guide a student.

Question: What scripture do you use to help a student along during troubled times?

Filed Under: Counseling, Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,
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