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Distractions

May 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the things I’ve learned over the past few years as a student small group leader is that distractions during small group time can be, well, distracting. Sometimes it’s not a big deal but I’ve had times where one guy was sharing something really heavy, some problem or issue and then another student who got to the meeting late, or a cell phone ringing with a call or text message just totally kills the moment. It breaks the stride of the person talking and it can ruin the moment or totally take the punch out of some killer Bible scripture.

There are several ways to keep distractions to a minimum and I realize that sometimes distractions are unavoidable. If you’re meeting in a host home you may have to deal with dogs barking and phones ringing. Most host home parents are sympathetic to your cause and will do their best to keep household distractions to a minimum during your small group time. If it becomes a problem you should not hesitate to approach them and ask if they can help you out with keeping noise and distractions to a minimum.

Students coming in late can be a big distraction. My group is a very close-knit group, so when one of them comes in late it usually involves everyone hugging everyone. I love that they are really close, but I hate the two-minute distraction and everyone losing their place and the momentum of the study. If I know one of them is running late I usually won’t start the meeting until everyone is in place.

I used to take cell phones and put them in a box during the meeting. This year I had seniors who were really good at not using cell phones so at about the halfway point of the year I didn’t make them put their cell phones in a box. But I made it clear that if it became a problem we would go back to that. It never did become a problem.

Sometimes I had to discipline myself, it can sometimes become easy for the discussion to wander off of topic. As the leader you need to get the discussion back on topic.

Question: Do you have any tricks to keeping distractions to a minimum?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Finishing the year on a high

May 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night was quite possibly the best night I’ve ever had with my junior high small group. After spending 2 years with this group, it was our last “officially scheduled” night to meet in our normal home, so we decided to celebrate our time together. We didn’t have a party because we’re having an end-of-the-year all-nighter next week, but we wanted to spend some time affirming and encouraging all the guys. (Check out my post from 2 weeks ago about affirmations.)

We had been telling the guys about our plan to do affirmations for about 2 weeks so they could be prepared to say something for everyone. Many of them had their affirmations written down, so we knew they had really taken the time to think through what they wanted to say. It was so cool to see all the guys talk about what they loved about everyone, and my co-leader and I had some time to do the same for all the guys.

It was such an amazing way to end our time together (even though we’ll be meeting a few times into the summer). A little time of reflection can have a HUGE impact on your youth group, and I know it will be something that bonds them even closer together and will follow them into high school.

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Encouragement, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Relationship vs. Religion

May 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the topics I’ve really tried to emphasis to my high school small group this year is the difference between religion and a relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s not enough to just come to church and small group each week, you need to truly seek out a relationship with Jesus and you need to have a quiet time every day. I wanted them to know the difference between a loving God and a God that just set out a set of rules for us to live by. I wanted them to really understand why God sets these rules for us.

One of the biggest changes in my life was when I stopped being just a “weekend Christian” and really set my identity in Jesus and sought out a relationship with Him. Nothing makes me feel better than seeing the guys in my small group make the transition and when I can really see they are seeking a relationship with Jesus. That’s where being a good example for your students comes into play.

It’s not enough to talk the talk here; you have to be walk the walk as well in this area. Students can see right through you if you’re not being genuine with them. I love the relationship I have with God now, but I love it even more knowing that I’m setting the example for students.

 

As I go about setting priorities and topics for my new group of freshman guys I’ll have next year, a relationship with Jesus is going to be at the top of the list. I don’t even know the guys I’ll have in my group next year but I’ve already begun praying about this, that I’ll be able to build upon the foundation they have gotten from their junior high leaders and that God will use me as he sees fit with these guys and that I can make an impact in their lives. 

If you’re getting a new small group next year, have you begun praying for them already? It’s never too early to start!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Small Groups, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Memorial Day and Student Ministry

May 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

At random, I asked seven students at our weekend services this week to tell me what Memorial Day was about. I regret that only one could tell me that it was a day to remember those who died in military service while defending this country. I took that as another sign of our failing education systems but I digress. Memorial Day has turned into a day that is more about half off sales, the start of summer and buying new patio furniture than it means a day to remember our fallen military heroes.

My dad, Jerry Reynolds, served in the Army for four years during World War II. In fact, he and most of the men in the small town where he lived in Tennessee went and enlisted on December 8, 1941, the day after Pearl Harbor Day. I remember when I was a kid we always celebrated Memorial day. It was a day for family, for good food and I always remember my dad had the flag flying in front of our house. In fact, I remember almost every house on the street had their flag flying on Memorial Day.

My dad took the time to talk to us about the guys he served with in the army who lost their lives. He wanted us to know the human cost of war, and that he was one of the lucky ones who made it home safe, and that he thanked God every day that he did.

If you’re a student ministry leader take the time this week to make sure your students know the true meaning of Memorial Day. That would mean a lot to Jerry Reynolds if you did.

Filed Under: Culture, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Summer Student Ministry: Grow Those Relationships

May 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

We’ve written about keeping in contact with students over the summer because we feel that’s a time when some students fall off the radar and we lose them from our ministry. Let’s face it, just because the school year ends does not mean that problems and issues for students end. It’s also a great opportunity for some one-on-one time with students. Check out this awesome post from Andy Blanks at YouthMinistry360.com on how to take advantage of summer. We have a tease below, head on over here for the rest.

Summer. It’s a different animal for so many youth workers, isn’t it?

There are a lot of you reading this that are looking forward to Summer because it’s a break! You’ll pretty much shut down the programmed aspect of your youth ministry. Save for a Summer Camp here or a Mission Trip there, you’re looking at a few months of no youth group. (Which evokes mixed emotions, for sure.) Others of you will more or less keep programming the same during the Summer months. (But the dynamics are different. With students and leaders traveling more often, and with a more laid back schedule, you’ll watch attendance be spotty at best.) Still, there’s a third group that will land somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. You’ll have some sort of programmed activities, and you’ll definitely hit the Camp and Missions scene.

Whatever Summer looks like for you, there’s one aspect that we all have in common: Summer is the perfect time to grow relationships with individual students.

To some this will seem like an obvious statement. But to others, the first response might be to disagree. If your tendency is to see Summer as a time to “check out,” let me challenge you to see Summer as fertile ground for strengthening your relationships with students. For those of you who would say that building relationships in the Summer is actually more challenging, I would agree in one regard: it takes a different kind of effort on your part. You’ll have to be more intentional about seeking out students. But I believe it’s worth it . . .

Filed Under: Repost, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

10 Thoughts for Guys: Finding a Christian Girlfriend – Part 2

May 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This is part two of a series for student ministry workers to share with guys in how to find a Christian girlfriend. Part one can be found here. 

6. If a girl constantly needs to know where you are and who you’re with and what you’re doing…that’s only going to get worse as the relationship progresses. If she is constantly texting you its a sign that she probably does not trust you.  If there is no trust you really don’t have a relationship in the first place. If a girl needs to be with you 24/7 you’re going to feel smothered really fast and the relationship will crash and burn. Been there done that, trust me on this one.

7. Okay this one is going to make me sound like a total prude so hear me out first. Do you and your girlfriend pray on dates? Like at the beginning or the end of a date? Try it! It makes the awkward time at the end of the date less awkward when the two of you are praying and not trying to figure out how far a good-bye kiss or hug is going to last, what to say, what to do, etc. It just slows things down.

8. Don’t find a girlfriend because you need someone to fix your problems and at the same time don’t think that you are going to fix her problems. Make sure you’re at a point in your life where you are ready for a relationship.

9. Don’t put the rest of your life on hold when you get a girlfriend and if she expects you to never spend time with your family or friends, move on!  This is not the girl for you. Girlfriends will come and go, real friends will always be there, don’t desert them for a girlfriend. If you do when the relationship ends you’ll find yourself all alone with no one to help you work out your hurt.

10. True Love Always Waits.  ‘Nuff said. Once you have sex you change the relationship forever. If she does not want or have respect for boundaries it’s time to move on.

Filed Under: Culture, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

10 Thoughts for Guys: Finding a Christian Girlfriend – Part 1

May 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Lately I’ve seen tons of blog posts all over the student ministry blog world telling girls what to do and what not to do to find a Christian boyfriend. Over the next two days we’ll be sharing some advice for student ministry leaders to give to the guys in your small group or student ministry on how to find a Christian girlfriend. Today is part one, be sure and check back tomorrow for part two. 

1. Make sure she loves Jesus. Nothing will make a relationship more difficult than you being a Jesus lover and your girlfriend is not. Date someone who is putting Christ in the center of her life and you’re off on the right step to a healthy relationship.

2. Date a girl who dresses in a way that you would not be afraid for your mom or your grandmother to see her. Girls that wear short shorts and tight tops or tops that show off their boobs are not looking for Christian guys, they are looking for any guys. A girl who is modest in the way she dresses is telling the world that she does not count on looks or a good body to attract a guy. She relies on her personality and her love for God to shine through and attract the right guy.

3. And while we’re on the topic, guys, watch how you dress. No shirt at the pool or the beach is fine, but it can send the wrong message at other times. Girls are no different from guys, they’re gonna look at a guy with a nice body but again, remember the message you are sending. Same thing with skinny or tight jeans. Are you more worried about showing off your body than your mind and your personality and your love for God?  We should realize that we are far more worthy of God’s eternal love than the momentary attention you’ll receive through visual, lustful attraction.  We should look deeper for the true principle of attractiveness, which is to remain appealing to the Lord, first and foremost.

4. Public displays of affection, or PDA’s. Girls that are always clingy make me wonder if they really like their boyfriend or are they just showing him off and want to make sure that everyone knows they have a boyfriend. PDA’s can get out of hand quick and just make girls (and guys) look trashy. How would you behave if your parents were sitting right there in front of you…let that be your guide. Sitting in guys laps, especially when you are alone is just asking for trouble. Sitting alone in cars is just asking for trouble. Keep some room for Jesus between you and her. Sounds like we’re being a prude but we all know that guys can sometimes just be a bundle of hormones waiting for the right signal.

5. Set boundaries. Do this early in your relationship, don’t wait until it’s too late and you find yourself in a situation that can get out of hand quick. It also helps from getting into an awkward situation for either of you if you both know the boundaries. If a girl does not want to set boundaries, move on…she is not for you.

Check back tomorrow for Part Two!

Filed Under: Culture, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Words of encouragement-the gift that keeps on giving

May 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Sometimes we forget the influence we can have on others. The least little thing you say can be remembered by someone. My parents died over 30 years ago, but to this day I can still remember things they said to me during a difficult time, or as words of encouragement, or just funny sayings. Being from the south, they had a million little sayings. One of my dad’s sayings I can still hear to this day is, “That boy is educated way beyond his intelligence.”  That was usually aimed at politicians.

What’s my point in all of this? Well, when a student comes to you in a time of crisis, big or small, what you say to them will probably stay with them and be used again and again…if you say the right thing. Once you give advice that helps a student during a time of need, they will remember that in the future. I think that even if it does not have a significant impact on them at the time, they will hopefully, remember the advice you just gave them.

I had a real-life example of this recently. A few weeks ago during a tough time with a medical issue, when I was talking to Steven about feeling kind of down, he made a comment to me. “What would you tell the students in your small group if they were going through this situation?” My answer was, “I’d ask them are they going to worry or worship? Worry won’t fix anything; worship will bring peace of mind and help from God.”

Last night during some more bad news, I could hear Steven’s voice in my head…”“What would you tell the students in your small group if they were going through this situation?” So my way of dealing with last night’s news was to go have a quiet time, get in the Word, and talk to God. Within a short time I put the bad news behind me, shut off the light and sleep very well.

Little words can have a big impact on students!

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Starting a mentoring relationship

May 22, 2012 by 1 Comment

This year, there is one student in my 8th grade group that I’ve had a strong connection with. Part of the draw is that I see a lot of 8th grade Steven in this guy, so I know his personality and what his strengths and struggles are. He has tremendous potential to grow into an amazing young man after God’s own heart. Over this past year, we’ve had a faux-mentoring relationship, but it has never been something we’ve talked about straight out.

Since he’s going to be transitioning out of my small group in a few weeks, I wanted to let him know that I was available to him if he chose to keep this relationship going. Here’s the most important thing I told him:

I think what we’ve started is great and it seems like it has helped you, but YOU need to want to make it happen way more than I do.

This is super important when starting a mentoring relationship:

  • First, let the person know that you’re available to them. If I hadn’t told this guy that I was available to him as a resource, he may have never known that I was open to mentoring him.
  • Let them be the one to start the process. I told him earlier this week to be thinking about what he wanted our relationship to be. We talked later and decided this would be the best way to move forward.

Being a mentor can (and will) be as beneficial for you as it is for the mentee. Who is someone you can make yourself available to in order to start a mentoring relationship?

Filed Under: Counseling, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

It’s never too early to start planning for fall

May 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Since it’s Monday, this would normally be a post that Steven and I would write together. Steven has finals this week so he’s taking some time to study. We’ll be back to our regular schedule next week.

This past week our junior high and high school ministries at Saddleback Church spent some time planning out the fall calendar. That might sound strange since it’s not even summer yet, but if you want to be effective and make sure that things don’t fall through the cracks you really need to plan for the future with enough time to fix any issues that might come up along the way. It made me start thinking about my new small group and what I want to do this fall. I’m going to have a new group and also a new co-leader, so here’s what I need to do before fall:

  • Spend some time with my new co-leader and establish with him what we want to accomplish with our new group and how we’re going to get there
  • I also am “mentoring” my new co-leader at the same time so I need to make sure I’m growing and stretching him at the same time
  • I want to spend some time with the former leaders of my new group so I can get to know some background on each of the new guys. And while this isn’t necessary, it sure gives you a head start with helping to grow students in their faith if you have a heads up on what life application lessons we need to go over.
  • I want to see where our High School Ministry is going this fall, what will be the weekend lessons, what do they want us to teach on.
  • I want to plan out some serve opportunities. That’s a huge way to help students grow their faith when you get them serving others.
  • I want to plan out some fun events with the new group. Those events help them bond with each other, and help bond you to them as well. It also lets them see you as a person, not just a leader. Nothing brings you down to their level faster than getting smacked in the side of the head with a dodgeball!

Question: Have you begun planning out your fall schedule for your student small group? Any good plans you want to share we’d love to hear them!

Filed Under: Mentoring, Small Groups, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,
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