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Conflict and the fruit of the Spirit

August 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control”

Galatians 5:22-23

If you’ve spent any amount of time around the church, you’ve heard the fruit of the Spirit. These are things that we are to display in our lives as we walk in the Holy Spirit each day. While they’re things that seem to be pretty simple, they can often be difficult to live out.

Recently, I was having lunch with a friend and pastor. We were talking through some things, and one of the topics that came up was conflict resolution and relationships. He told me that one thing he always keeps in mind when walking into a difficult conversation (especially a conflict) is the fruit of the Spirit. He will keep repeating them over and over in his head–love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control–until he gets to the meeting. Then he tries his best to live those out through the meeting with whoever he’s talking to.

I’ve encountered more conflict in my life recently than in any other time. Occasionally this will be a difficult situation with a student, which is exactly what’s coming up for me. Instead of getting angry, I need to remember to always keep the fruit of the Spirit in mind. Even when the tough conversations have to happen, keep the fruit of the Spirit in mind.

Filed Under: Counseling

400th Post!

August 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This post you’re reading today is our 400th post on this blog. What started as a six-week guest post spot on our friend Dennis Beckner’s blog, volunteeryouthministry.com turned into us starting our own blog and 400 posts later we’re still going strong.

We’ve seen our reader numbers continue to rise, we’ve been picked up by other blogs and had our blogs reposted on some pretty awesome websites that we read every day, and we’ve been humbled and honored because of that. We have blog ideas come to us from all over the place and from our experiences. Before writing each blog, Steven and I pray that these words are God’s words and not ours, that we are just God’s mouthpiece. We also pray that God will put our blogs in front of other student ministry leaders who struggle with the same issues we do and need some ideas on the same problems we face. Each time we get a comment or an e-mail from someone we’re never met telling us how our blog has helped them, it just encourages us even more to keep going.

God has blessed us with the talents and gifts of student ministry and one day He will hold us accountable for what we did with these gifts. We LOVE the fact that we can help students grow in their faith and through some tough times in their lives but we also love that we can help other leaders and volunteers who face the same tough student issues that we do.

I am honored that I get to write this blog each week with Steven. I love his heart for students, his gift of wordsmithing, his sense of humor and his biblical knowledge. What started as a mentoring relationship has turned into an amazing friendship between us. I’m not ashamed to admit that our mentoring relationship probably resulted in me learning and growing just as much as he did if not more. It’s the reason I’m such a huge proponent of mentoring. It’s a win-win situation.

We have tons of ideas and blogs to come yet, and we thank all of you for reading this blog each day.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Don’t give up on that one student

August 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Right now I have a student that I’m discipling one on one. He’s no longer in my small group, but he has asked me to keep our relationship going to help him work through some stuff. This is the only guy in 4 years that I’ve agreed to do this for. He is a student that I connected with really well, and I see a lot of myself in who he is and where he’s at in his current life stage.

This student is someone that has given me my most glorious ministry successes, by the grace of God, but he’s also given me my most frustrating heartaches. He gets it one minute, then turns right back around the next. I may put him in a spot that breaks him out of his comfort zone and really feel like we’re getting somewhere, then he completely clams up and won’t talk to me for days. Despite our connection and the times of obvious work being done by God, the downsides can be extremely frustrating to the point of wanting to give up.

I think we probably all have that “one student” that fits this description. The one we pour into, only to be let down by a bad decision, one bad day, or even a complete turning away from their faith. These can be some of the most crushing blows in ministry.

But God has put this student in your life for a reason. Those of us in ministry have been given a huge responsibility to shepherd God’s flock, and that’s not always an easy task. But the fact remains–God has entrusted you with your students. Don’t give up. Don’t let discouragement turn you away from helping point students to God. One day you’ll break through and it will all be worth it.

Filed Under: Counseling, Encouragement, Mentoring, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Care and Feeding of Volunteers

August 28, 2012 by 1 Comment

 The past couple of weeks the ministry I work for at Saddleback Church has lost a couple of really good volunteers. I was sorry to see them go and it will be a loss to our ministry. I read and then re-read their e-mails about why they were leaving and it made me wonder if as a staff person I could have done more to keep these folks as volunteers. Here’s what I came up with:

  1. Burn out. This one is huge. One of our volunteers just simply burned out. Between his full-time job and volunteering in a couple of ministries on our campus he simply burned out. Everyone needs to take a break and step back and rest for a while. It not only gives you a fresh prospective, it greatly reduces the risk of burn out.
  2. Not feeling like you’re making a difference. I don’t care what your ministry is; volunteers will not hang around long if they don’t feel like what they are doing is make a difference for the Kingdom. Do your best to constantly point out the good they are doing.
  3. Not growing. Find a way to elevate your volunteers either in a volunteer leader role or as a trainer to new volunteers. No one wants to stay at the same entry-level position they came in at in a career. It’s the same for volunteers.
  4. Sometimes even the best volunteers don’t really have a heart for your ministry. They thought they did and they did the best job they could but at the end of the day, your ministry was just not their cup of tea. This is actually a good reason to leave a ministry where you are serving. You need to be where God has given you the heart and talents.
  5. Use your older volunteers to mentor your younger volunteers. Every Timothy needs a Paul, every Paul needs a Timothy. This is a way for you to help your seasoned volunteers feel more useful if they are mentoring others, not only in your ministry but in their life. I am a huge proponent of mentoring!
  6. Find a way to thank and reward your volunteers. It can be as simple as a five dollar Starbucks gift card. Everyone wants to know that people appreciate what they do. Take them to lunch or meet them for coffee. Just do something to let them know you are thankful for them.
  7. Make sure your volunteers are getting fed.  I don’t mean food I mean that they are reguarly attending weekly services, are in a  small group and are having daily quiet times to keep close to God.

We’d love to hear your ideas on helping volunteers to stay strong and motivated!

 

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, Volunteer ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

7th grade & 9th grade… Where do we start?

August 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Matt: In a couple of weeks we will have the official start of student ministry small groups. This will be my third group that I’ve led, but it will be my first group of high school freshmen. I’ve spent some time over the summer getting to know most of them and I’ve already grown close to a few of them. I’m excited to begin the school year with them and start leading them on their path to a closer relationship with God.

I’m excited to see what God has in store for this group. Most of them have been together for the past two years as a small group and I can tell there are some strong bonds between them. I want to help them grow those bonds even stronger so that they become life-long friends and accountability partners.

This year I want to find the right balance of Bible teaching and life-application lessons. I want them to form some strong Christian identities that will stay the same no matter what situations they find themselves in. I’ve spent a lot of my daily prayer time praying for the guys I know will be in my group and also the ones I don’t know yet. I know God will put the right guys in this group and I’m excited to see where God takes us this year. Stay tuned, I’m betting God is going to put some awesome blogs in front of Steven and me!

Steven: In a few weeks, I’ll be starting my third junior high small group of 7th graders. I’m more excited for this group than either of my 2 groups before. Not because I hated my last 2 groups (at least not that I would admit since some of my old students read this blog), but because of how much I’ve learned in the past 4 years of youth ministry. I’m definitely not an expert, but those years have given me some great insight into how to make the most of a group of junior high students.

Side note: Last Tuesday I posted a list of notes full of things I want to keep in mind during this year. Today’s post is more about getting started in the year.

Here’s what I’m keeping in mind as we get close to kicking off small groups for the new year:

  • Pray for God to use me. Sometimes I love to be specific about prayers, but I think it’s better to leave this type of prayer more general. God will use you and your ministry in huge ways if you open up to it. I know God will place the right students in my group, I just need to let him work.
  • Avoid the comparison trap. I took those words from Doug Fields’s mouth, but it rings true. I have a tendency to want to compare my groups with each other. That doesn’t do anything to benefit my ministry, so I need to be hyper-aware of any comparison thinking. I especially can’t compare my groups in front of my new students.
  • Fill up my spiritual well so it can overflow into others. It’s impossible for real ministry to happen without us being connected and in love with the Lord. If you’re feeling spiritually dry in this season before small groups begin, take time for some reconnection. Fill up your well.
    • Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

    Small Group Lesson: When life get’s hard, pray harder

    August 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    During my quiet time last night I was talking to God about some stuff going on with me and asking for His help, support and guidance and then I thought to myself, my prayers lately seem to focus on what’s wrong and my asking God to fix the bad stuff, I’m not spending nearly enough time thanking God for the good stuff in my life. This morning I thought about what a great student small group lesson this will make. I love when God uses these times to put a lesson plan in my mind!

    This morning I was thinking about this and I thought about this line from the movie, “Apollo 13”. The scene is in a conference room and all of the technicians and engineers are telling Gene Krantz, the flight director for Apollo 13 about all that is wrong with the space craft. His question back to them is awesome, here’s the line:

    “Let’s look at this thing from a… um, from a standpoint of status. What do we have on the spacecraft that’s good?”

    He didn’t focus on what was wrong; he focused on what was good! Once he did that the answer to getting the Apollo 13 astronauts back to Earth became obvious, use the Lunar Module as a lifeboat for them.

    Lately I’ve spent too much time focused on what’s not going good in my life and not enough time on what’s going good. God wants our problems; he wants us to ask for His help.

    “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?”  Matthew 7:7-9–ESV

    But we also need to thank God for all that we do have. There are people who would feel blessed to have our problems! The issue is for us to remember this when times are going bad. When life gets hard, pray harder!  We need to reach out to those close to us and ask for help and prayer. We also need to teach students that God uses our problems and troubles to grow and stretch us as Christians. If we focus on the good stuff, the bad stuff seems smaller and it’s easier to see God’s answers.

    Filed Under: For Students, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

    Letting God put the right students in your path

    August 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    This fall, I’ll be getting a brand new small group of 10-12 7th grade boys. This has been on my radar since my last group moved up to high school, so I’ve been super intentional about spending time with our junior high ministry at summer events, weekend services and when students show up to our student building out of the blue. The idea was that I would get to meet a lot of incoming 7th graders and begin to build relationships as we move into a new small group season.

    Once that started happening, there were a few students I connected with that I started wanting in my small group this year. We connected well, so it seemed like it would be a good fit. When I dug a little deeper, I started dropping hints that these guys could request to be in my group for summer camp and small group. The problem was, they had already asked to be in someone else’s group before we met.

    Some time went by, and I had a group of 10 guys at camp that I had never met before. After building relationships with them and hearing their stories, it was clear to me that God had another plan for my ministry this year. I wanted to get these guys in my group from earlier in the summer, but I had forgotten that God already had my group all planned out, and it didn’t necessarily include the guys I would’ve picked.

    This was a great reminder to me that we don’t control how the Kingdom is built–God does. As you head into the new school year, try to be more open to who God wants to put in your path… those will be the ones he chose for you, even if you didn’t choose them yourself.

    Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

    Intentionally being intentional

    August 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    One area I want to do different with my new small group this year is to be more intentional with them. I’ve already rearranged my work schedule a little bit and set some reminders in my calendar to accomplish this. Not that  I wasn’t open and available to my students in the past, but this year I want to bring it to the next level.

    Yesterday Steven posted some ideas he has for his new small group. I knew he formulated this list last week but I hadn’t read his ideas until they showed up in his blog . It made me start thinking about some things. I asked myself what was one area I really want to do different. Being more intentional was the first thing that came to mind. Here’s what I want to do:

    •  I often have a limited number of free hours in my week. I want to make sure I use them to my full advantage. Scheduling some time each week to contact students and setting reminders on my phone will help me from getting to the end of the week and running out of time for some intentional contacts.
    • I don’t want students to feel like they are a disruption in my schedule, I want to be available to them.
    • Let’s face it some problems need time to talk through, I don’t want a student to feel like he has five minutes to talk to me about something and then I’m off to the next guy. One thing that will really help this year is having a co-leader.
    • I want to make sure I have at least one really good contact with each of the guys in my small group each week. Either in person or by text, I want them to know I’m thinking and praying about them.
    • I want to set aside some time each week before small group to meet with a student one-on-one , or two-on-one since I have a co-leader this year.
    • I want to be sure I follow-up on prayer requests each week with each student. Either myself or my co-leader will check in with them, see how things are going and offer a lot of encouragement.

    Each one of these are small things but they add up. I’d love to hear ways you spend intentional time with students, you can comment here.

    Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

    My small group ideas for the new year

    August 21, 2012 by 1 Comment

    This year I’m starting with a brand new small group of 7th graders. This will be my 5th year leading small groups, and it will be my co-leader’s 4th year. Because of those years of experience, I’ve been thinking a lot over the summer about what changes we need to make in our personal ministries to make this group the most successful yet. I also read through Doug Fields’s Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry and that got me thinking even more. As I read, I jotted down a list of notes for Kyle (my co-leader) and I to pray, think and talk through. That list is below. Maybe there are some things on the list you need to add to your small group ministry.

    Leader development (Kyle and me)

    • Consistent quiet times and check-ups (at least once a week)
      • What are you reading? What is God teaching you? How are you being challenged?
    • Prayer (at least once a week, before Life Group each week?)
      • For each other
      • For our own relationships and growth in God
      • For our students
      • For Life Group families
    • Seek God first, ministry second
      • We can only be effective if our own spiritual wells are full
    • Rest
      • Intentional time away from work and ministry
      • One day every week
      • One week every six months

    Relational ministry

    • 5-3-1 relationships
      • Know five, develop three, focus on one
    • One-on-ones/Two-on-ones
      • Ask strategic questions
        • Relationship with God
        • Family stuff
        • Struggles/temptations
        • Prayer requests
      • Nudge toward Jesus when appropriate
    • Remember the little things
      • Birthday cards
      • Random notes
      • Phone calls on strategic days (first day of school, etc.)
      • Attend the last part of sports games (last quarter, inning, etc.)
    • Let them into our world
      • Pick them up when we’re running errands, grabbing a bite to eat, shopping, working
    • FOLLOW UP ON PRAYER REQUESTS
    Ministry to families (parents)
    • Remember that we aren’t parents
      • We aren’t the primary influence in a student’s life
    • Pray for parents
    • Know every parent’s name and who their kid is
      • Always have at least one of us greeting/saying bye at the curb
    • Communication
      • Concise (no more than a 2 minute read)
      • In advance
        • Weekly emails by Monday
        • Event notices several weeks ahead
      • Consistent
    Evaluation
    • Evaluate the state of our students once a month
    • Evaluate our program style once every two months
      • Keep an eye out for too much consistency/not enough variety
    • Evaluate our fulfillment of the goals of Life Group (fellowship and discipleship) once a quarter
    Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

    Stay tuned, there’s more coming!

    August 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

    This past week or so our blogs have been sporadic at best. But there is a very good reason for this. We took own own advice and were on vacation last week. If you want to excel in ministry–especially student ministry–you need to take a break, re-charge your batteries and re-connect with God on a big level every now and then. The Bible even tells us to get rest. While on vacation we both spend some great quiet times with God and new blog post ideas came to both of us. We can’t wait to share those on this blog.

    We’ll be back this week with new posts and new ideas and ways of sharing God with students. Stay tuned!

    Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,
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