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Moving On to College

May 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment

The end of the school year means a time of transition for eight grade students to high school and a time for high school seniors to move on to college. This transition time has been a concern of mine for a couple of years now. I don’t think we do enough on the hand off, especially in high school ministry. We need to move the goal post back a few yards and realize that just because high school is over we’re not done with these students. We need to help them transition to college ministry or often times with students who move away to college, we need to help them find a new church to attend. I just read a great blog by Kurt Johnston and Josh Griffin on this subject and they bring up some great points. This is a must read article. Click here for their thoughts.

One of the problems we have is getting students to move on from a ministry they love, especially your “core” kids. The ones that are at every service and event you have. I think they have a big problem making the move for several reasons. First off they are going from a ministry where everyone knows them to one where they are unknown.  They go from being the big fish in the small pond to being the small fish in the big pond. They are stepping out of their comfort zone. If you have a student who hates change more than the Amish this is really a problem.

We need to get students plugged into college ministry programs before they get out of high school. If your student small group is composed of all seniors, get them signed up as a college small group so they can get to know the small group leaders for college ministry and the college ministry leaders can get to know them.

We need to get college ministry leaders to attend summer camps and begin building relationships with outgoing high school seniors. I almost think we need a separate summer camp just for this!

If you have students moving out of the area to go to school, help them find a church close to their college. Don’t wait for them to leave and do it on their own, chances are unless they are really strong in their walk with God they won’t follow through. Spend some time helping them research the area and the churches there so you can find one that closely follows your beliefs. If you know of previous students in that area, connect the students together so they can know someone there before they move away.

Follow up! Keep in contact, make sure they know you’re there to help and advise them and pray like crazy for them.

Filed Under: Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Finish The School Year Strong

May 14, 2013 by Leave a Comment

We’re coming up to the end of the school year and it’s tempting for students to want to slow down, to just finish the school year and be done. I think this applies to junior high and high school students and college students as well. There is a temptation as a small group leader to just coast your group to the finish line. So much is at stake here and I could list out about a million reasons why you don’t want to do that but the most important one is the message we are sending to students. The message that gets sent is this: I’m strong in my faith but there are times its okay to just slow down and take my faith for granted.

I want to finish the school year strong. I want to know that students in my group are making some major steps in their spiritual life and that they are continuing to grow. I don’t want them to think its okay to build this great relationship with Jesus during the school year and then during the summer I just kind of put Jesus in the background and I’ll get back to him in September. If you have eight graders about to make the transition to high school or high school seniors about to head off to college you really need to make sure you’re doing everything you can to transition them off to the next stage of their life. I’m going to blog more about that later this week but for today I wanted to list some things to help your students finish the school year:

  • Consider meeting over the summer. Traditionally student small groups stop meeting during the summer. People go on vacation, and there are a lot of distractions but I still meet during the summer. I know that not every student will be there each week but at least they have an option.
  • Keep in contact with them over the summer. Text them, have lunch with them; do a movie day or a beach day.
  • If you have students who are struggling in a particular area keep holding them accountable and make sure they are keeping in contact with their accountability partners. Keep encouraging them over the summer.
  • If your church has a summer camp, encourage your students to go. I can’t say enough about camp. This will be my fifth year as a camp leader and I’ve seen so many students have a life changing experience at camp. 
Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: ,

When God Calls You In A Different Direction

May 9, 2013 by 1 Comment

*Warning* this post contains a humble brag.

Last night our High School Ministry had all of the high school small groups meet together and before hand the leaders were treated to dinner as a way of saying thanks. It was good to see and talk with leaders that I had not seen since summer camp last year. As I looked around the room it dawned on me…there were three young leaders there who I have had in my past small groups. It was a cool feeling to realize that three guys who I had a small part of pouring into their lives are now pouring into the lives of students in their own small groups.

I think I’ve reached the stage of life where maybe God needs me more as a mentor and teacher than a small group leader. Don’t get me wrong I love the guys in my high school small group and I look forward to seeing them each week and talking with them and watching them grow in the faith and seeing God do great things in their lives. But I feel more and more I’m being called into more of a mentoring and “teach the teacher” arena. I’m always honored when other leaders come to me for help with a problem student, or how to handle a situation. I feel blessed that God has given me the gift of relating and communicating with teens and young adults.

I could write on and on about knowing and feeling God’s call in your life and when you’re entering a new season. I think it’s different for all of us. But I know for myself I feel more and more that God is moving me in a new direction in student ministry. It’s something I’ve been praying about daily and I think last night was God really showing me something. I can influence a few students being a small group leader, but I can influence a ton of students by mentoring and training leaders. I’ll keep praying on this and either way, I’m excited to see how God uses me next!

Filed Under: Counseling, Mentoring, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Making The Most Of One-on-One Time With Students

May 7, 2013 by Leave a Comment

I had a chance last week for some good one-on-one time with one of the students in my High School Small Group. I had some things I wanted to talk to him about and it was also a chance to just spend some quality time with him. We went to a baseball game and it was a fun and productive evening.

The next day I thought about how I’ve learned over time how to use a night like this to the best advantage. When I was first starting out in student ministry, I would have used time on the drive to the stadium to have a conversation about some stuff going on with him. I more than likely would have forced the issue before he was ready to talk. I’ve learned to use a night like this for fun. Just some time to sit back and relax and let him see me as a human and not the guy teaching Bible lessons and telling him how he should live his life. As it turned out, he brought up the subject I wanted to talk with him about; I didn’t have to say anything.

We’ve written in the past about how valuable one-one-time can be with a student. Just remember to use that time wisely. I want students to look forward to that time instead of when I asked to spend some time with them, have them think, “Oh no, now what did I do?” During one-on-one time, be intentional. Don’t check e-mail and spend time answering and sending text messages. Don’t avoid the tough conversations but save it for the right time. If a student is not ready to talk don’t get discouraged, just wait for the time to be right. And more than anything have fun! Just be a kid for the night. Sometimes there is no better way to bond with a student than just having fun laughing and talking.

Filed Under: Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Conversation starters

May 3, 2013 by Leave a Comment

At Saddleback Church it’s not uncommon that we have students that come with their parents who drop them off at our student building while the parents go up to the main Worship Center, or what I refer to as “big church”. Because of the size of our campus those two buildings are several acres apart. It’s easy for a student who is really not committed to church to skip a service and sit someplace until service is over and meet back up with their parents. Because of the size of our student building it’s sometimes easy to just blend in and not be seen. It’s one of the downfalls to a mega church. Often times these are students who don’t live close to the church so they don’t see another student that they might know from school or their neighborhood. These are the students I try to reach out to. I look for students sitting alone in a service or students sitting someplace in the student building trying to avoid the service.

Starting a conversation with a teenager can be a chore especially when it’s a teen that has been brought to a church service by their parents and they can think of a hundred other places they would rather be. I remember when I first was starting out volunteering in student ministry I was afraid I wouldn’t know what to say or I’d say the wrong thing. Now it just comes easy to me. Here’s what I do to start a conversation:

  • Pray. I ask God to help me be able to see a student who is trying to blend into the woodwork and to be able to start up a conversation with them.
  • Be yourself. Nothing is more creepy to a student than an adult trying to act cool…and you’re not. Just talk natural. Limit your use of these two words, “dude” and “totally”.
  • Tell them your name and THEN ask theirs. If you do it the other way around you come off like a creeper.
  • Keep current in stuff that teens keep current in their world. I’m not a big rap or hip hop fan but I know enough to know names, I know who the latest celebrity crushes are, what sport teams are in the lead and what the latest stupid thing that Justin Bieber has done.
  • Ask the right questions. Don’t just be superficial. If you ask how a student is doing and they say “okay” but you sense something is wrong ask “No, really how are you, can I help you with anything?”
  • If it’s a student new to your ministry try to hold back having them accept Jesus, get baptized and sign up for a mission trip all on their first visit to your church. Don’t rush it or you’ll scare them away.

 

Filed Under: Culture, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

When Students Minister To Each Other

May 1, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. -Galatians 6:1-2  ESV

This week I had a student call me about an issue with one of the other guys in my high school small group. My first instinct was to jump in head first and start dealing with the problem. I began thinking of what I needed to say to this students and what scripture I was going to use, what I would say if he said this and what I would say if he said that. About 2 minutes into the thought process I stopped myself and said to the student who had called me, “Would you like to talk to him with me there? I’ll let you lead the conversation and help you what needs to be said, and although I’ll be there, this is all you.”

He quickly agreed and asked what I thought he should say, if he should tell him how upset he was over this whole situation. Every point he asked me about was a point I would have brought up if I was leading this conversation. I was both amazed and proud at the same time. I LOVE when students minister to each other. I love when they take ownership of a problem and want to help each other. At Saddleback Church we call our small groups, “Life Groups”. The whole idea is we’re doing life together, we are a support system. When students minister to each other we are truly doing life together.

If you think about it, student ministry is one occupation where one of our goals is almost to put ourselves out of business (at least until God puts the next group of students in your path). To get students to the point that they can minister to each other and to teach others should be a goal. That’s an excellent sign that students are growing in their faith and in their relationship with God.

UPDATE: Last night this conversation took place and it was amazing! The student doing the talking did great, he hit all the points about what was going on. The other student took this as constructive criticism and realized it was being done in love. It ended with hugs all around.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Helping Students Cross The Line

April 25, 2013 by Leave a Comment

I should have called this,” Helping Students JUMP Across The Line”. Last night towards the end of my high school small group, I asked my room full of 14 freshman high school guys to be totally honest with me and I asked, “Not counting small group last week or church over the weekend,  how many of them had read the Bible in the past week?”  I was shocked to see only three hands go up, and they were three of my students that if you asked me I would have guessed they would have been the three. I got every excuse under the sun, “I had sports”, “I had a lot of homework”, “I wasn’t feeling it this week”. The only excuse I didn’t get was that someone’s dog had eaten his Bible.

Though dismayed, I flashed back to my teen years and I probably would have answered the same way, BUT I wasn’t in a small group then, I wasn’t regularly  attending church, these guys do those things! I used this as a teaching moment with them to explain that just accepting Christ into your life is great, but you’ll never grow in your faith without having some regular quiet times and spending time reading (and understanding) your Bible. “But I go to church every week!” one of them told me. My answer was, “Going to church every week doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in the garage makes you a car.”

As student ministry leaders we need to realize that a student’s relationship with God is a personal decision, we can’t make it for them. But we can help them grow the relationship with God and their love of Jesus. It’s great to step across the line and accept Jesus into your life and become a Christian, but once that’s done you need to grow and strengthen the relationship. My entire lesson with these guys next week will be on this topic and how they can not just step across the line, but take a running head start and leap across the line.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Getting Students To Share Their Struggles

April 23, 2013 by Leave a Comment

When I have a student who is going through some tough times or is struggling with a particular issue I’m always happy to put in some extra time with him for some one-on-one discussions. Sometimes its something that they are just not ready to share with the entire small group at this time. I’ll let some time go by for him to work through some of his issue and then I start encouraging him to talk to others in the group. After all, that’s what small group is all about.

One of the misconceptions students have is that they are the only one dealing with a particular issue. Chances are there’s probably someone else in the group going through the same thing. Hearing another student talk about his struggle helps other students with the same issue to open up and work through the struggle as well.

I think there is also something that is therapeutic about talking to someone else about a problem you’re having. Sometimes it just plain helps to talk about it. If students are not ready to talk to the entire group at first, then  I encourage them to talk to their accountability partner or someone else in the group that they trust. Sharing our troubles and struggles with each other helps to build and gain trust in one another and makes your small group stronger.

A final thought: when students are struggling with an issue or a big problem in their life, remind them that God never wastes a hurt. Once they get past their current struggle, God will make them stronger and able to help someone else going through the same difficult time.

Filed Under: Counseling, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Rewarding Days Make The Unproductive Days Worth It

April 18, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Every now and then you have a day in student ministry when you know you just had a powerful positive effect on a student’s life. Those are the days that make what we do so rewarding. These are also the days we should remember when we have a day were you feel you’re just beating your head against the wall.

One of the things I need to remind myself is that what we do in student ministry, whether you’re a paid staff member at a church or a volunteer, is all on God’s timing. He knows just the right time for a student to really hear what you’re saying and for it to sink in. God knows when they are ready to hear and act on the advice or the lesson we’re teaching. Sometimes God’s timing and mine are on different schedules. I have to remind myself that his time table is the one that matters not mine.

I often judge how good my student small group was by a couple of things. First, how much discussion was there? I don’t want to be the one doing all of the talking. If you’re doing more than about 25% of the talking you’re preaching not teaching. Second, I judge how the night went based by the number of text messages I get from my group after the group is over. Last night I must have gotten them all thinking about some things because my cell phone lit up with text messages from my guys for about an hour. And while I love that they confide in me, I want them to bring it up to the small group too. I reinforce that they have a group of brothers that are there to help them, and probably most of them have the same struggles so your input will help others too.

I’m going to end this post by stealing a Twitter post from Steven today:

Youth ministry is often messy, sometimes heartbreaking, usually crazy, generally joyful, seldom easy, never boring, always fulfilling.

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Your Biggest Role Sometimes Is To Encourage

April 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment

As a student ministry small group leader, sometimes your biggest job is to be an encourager. We all need a little encouragement from time to time but your teen years are a time when you need a little more validation in your life. It’s a time when little problems can seem huge and a time when students are still trying to figure out who they are.

I had a student in my group who ran for ASB Vice-President at his high school and unfortunately he lost the election. This was a huge loss to him. I wanted to remind him that it’s better to have tried and failed than it is to fail to try. I was proud that he put himself out there and tried! Also, losing an election for ASB does not mean he is any less the great guy that he is. Maybe God has a bigger plan for him and he needs to not be tied down to ASB Vice-President. I’ve found that most of the time when God won’t give us what we want it’s because He has a bigger better plan for us. We just don’t know it yet.

Here’s some tips to help encourage students:

  • Be real. Be honest. Sometimes you need to tell someone something they might not want to hear.
  • Let that student know they are loved. Not just now in their disappointment but all the time.
  • I try to find some scripture that has to do with their situation. I don’t want to overwhelm them with scripture but I want to use this as a time to remind them to turn to their Bibles in good times and when life does not go their way.
  • Everyone needs to feel wanted and needed. This is a good time to remind them that God wants them and loves them, no matter what, unconditionally.
  • Realize there is power in presence. Sometimes just being there is encouraging.
  • Follow up. Don’t just make this a one-time thing. Wait a few days and follow-up with a text or phone call.

How would you feel encouraged? What would you like someone to do for you when you need encouragement? Well, whatever that is to you, do it for someone else.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,
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