The Boys are Back in Town

On Tuesday night, I did something I had never done before at my small group. Rather than my co-leader and me talking to the guys, we brought in 3 guys from our old small group to talk to them.

Returning small group guysA huge thing we’ve been trying to get across to our group is the idea of “the more you put into group, the more you’ll get out of group.” We can preach this all day long, but we can only tell the guys stories of past experiences. We thought what better way to get this idea across than to bring in 3 guys who have lived this out.

The cool part about the 3 we brought in was that they were the 3 who probably grew the most over the course of our last small group, but they all made a commitment to go all-in for God and small group at different times. One made that choice in the very beginning, one about halfway through and the other toward the end. Because they all had differing viewpoints, it was cool to see them talk about the decisions they made and how it impacted them in the long run.

The returning guys made a significant impact on our group. I had conversations right after group with some of my guys that were a direct result of what they talked about. Even cooler: it made me one proud small group leader to see our returning guys living out and talking about things we talked about when they were in my group before.

Taking a Night Off To Just Have Fun

Big AirLast night we did a “fun night” with my high school small group guys. We went to a place called “Big Air”. It’s a trampoline park and there are a lot of things to do there. Trampoline jumping, trampoline dodge ball, trampoline basketball, etc. My guys had a blast. I think taking a night off every now and then to just have fun helps build a healthy student small group.

For me it was awesome to watch the bond between these guys grow. Last night I saw them just having a good time, laughing, throwing dodge balls at each other (and at me which seemed to be the highlight of their night, but I digress). I think these nights are so important for student small groups, probably for small groups in general. It gets you out of the routine, it’s a change. No Bible study, no sitting around and talking about the weeks problems, just a night to bond and have fun.

This morning I’m realizing that I’m not 18 years old anymore and I have sore muscles in places where I had forgotten I even had muscles. This morning I’m realizing the meaning of “serving means sacrificing”. I just wanted to stand under the hot water in the shower this morning and it let it relax my aching back. But it was so worth it and I’d do it again in a minute.

My co-leader Michael and I had a task this year of talking a group of nine guys who had been in a small group together and blending them together with seven other guys. Last night it was very apparent that they have blended into one big group. Our small group time has been pretty amazing lately and I’m watching guys grow in their faith and get stronger and stronger in their walk with God. I feel like even bigger things are coming for this group and I cannot wait to see the next level that God will take these guys to.

Rewarding Days Make The Unproductive Days Worth It

Every now and then you have a day in student ministry when you know you just had a powerful positive effect on a student’s life. Those are the days that make what we do so rewarding. These are also the days we should remember when we have a day were you feel you’re just beating your head against the wall.

One of the things I need to remind myself is that what we do in student ministry, whether you’re a paid staff member at a church or a volunteer, is all on God’s timing. He knows just the right time for a student to really hear what you’re saying and for it to sink in. God knows when they are ready to hear and act on the advice or the lesson we’re teaching. Sometimes God’s timing and mine are on different schedules. I have to remind myself that his time table is the one that matters not mine.

I often judge how good my student small group was by a couple of things. First, how much discussion was there? I don’t want to be the one doing all of the talking. If you’re doing more than about 25% of the talking you’re preaching not teaching. Second, I judge how the night went based by the number of text messages I get from my group after the group is over. Last night I must have gotten them all thinking about some things because my cell phone lit up with text messages from my guys for about an hour. And while I love that they confide in me, I want them to bring it up to the small group too. I reinforce that they have a group of brothers that are there to help them, and probably most of them have the same struggles so your input will help others too.

I’m going to end this post by stealing a Twitter post from Steven today:

Youth ministry is often messy, sometimes heartbreaking, usually crazy, generally joyful, seldom easy, never boring, always fulfilling.

My Thoughts on History Channel’s “The Bible”

Unless you’ve been under a rock for the past few days, you probably know that History Channel premiered the first of five parts of its new miniseries, The Bible, on Sunday night. The show had an astounding 13.1 million viewers and has created a lot of buzz among both Christians and secular audience members. I watched most of the episode on Sunday night and have been processing a few things since then:

  • History Channel is making a HUGE implicit claim by putting The Bible into its programming. In essence, the network is saying that the Bible is true history. That’s a huge step for a network to take. An argument can probably be made that there are shows on the network, like Clash of the Gods, that are more toward fiction, but the argument still stands: The Bible is history.
  • The show definitely took some creative liberties with a few parts. The angels drawing samurai swords in Sodom to protect Lot and his family? Probably not how it happened, but whatever. If it’s going to draw more attention, it probably has to be a little more theatrical than other projects previously made on the Bible.
  • There may be too much focus by Christians on how “biblically accurate” the show is. I totally agree that the show should be an accurate representation of what the Bible actually says, but there are some things that simply can’t be conveyed in only 10 hours of programming. Example: I’ve heard it said, “Abraham and Sarah weren’t called those names until after Isaac was born. They should’ve been called Abram and Sarai.” True. But someone who hasn’t read the Bible wouldn’t know that, and there’s only so much time the producers can give to that part of the narrative. Does it really take away from the portrayal of the biblical story? I would say no.

Update (3/6/13): There was a press release today from History Channel that the show was seen by over 27 million viewers.

Creating a Fellowship Culture

In our ministry, there is an awesome leader who is doing great things for the Kingdom. He has led his small group of 8th graders since the beginning of last year, and it has been amazing to watch the group as time passed. This leader is amazing at creating the type of culture where his guys truly know how to fellowship. These guys come from all over the place (different schools, different cities), but you would think they all grew up together.

This is the type of environment we should all be trying to create for our students. To use their leader’s words, those guys don’t have the “I’m just part of the group” mentality–they are brothers.

This is exactly what I wish my group could be. Granted, it’s a lot harder to create this type of culture when both my co-leader and I work on weekends, but it is still possible. We need to be more aware of opportunities to spend time with these guys, turning them from “part of the group” to brothers.

Student Ministry Trophy Case

Our friend Dennis Beckner over at Volunteeryouthministry.com has talked about having things in your trophy case, things from your days in student ministry where a student took time to point out that you made a difference in their life. I understood the concept, but I don’t think I truly understood until today.

I got a text from a guy who was in my last high school small group asking if we could meet and talk  tonight. My first response was to think that something was wrong and he was coming by for advice. I admit, I’m tired tonight and have had a sinus headache for a couple of days and wasn’t looking forward to this. Well, long story short, he didn’t have a problem, he actually came by to wish me a Merry Christmas and give me a gift. He asked me to open the box and inside was a mug with all of the pictures of my last group and a card thanking me for helping to make them the Godly men that they are today. I’m not often speechless but I was tonight, and not ashamed to admit I had tears in my eyes. Such a small thing, but it was huge to me. And now I truly understand why Dennis recommended the whole “trophy case” idea.

You know those times when you think you’re not getting anywhere, like you’re not making a difference…all I need to do now is look at that mug I realize that if you let Him, God will use you. I may not have been totally fired up for my role in student ministry when this day started out, but I am now!

Notes from Tic Long’s Breakout at MSMC

One of the greatest breakout sessions from the Middle School Ministry Campference was on leadership, led by Tic Long. Tic worked at Youth Specialties for 30 years, and he’s now the Executive Pastor at Journey Community Church in San Diego, CA. There are a lot of notes here, but hopefully someone will find them useful!


  • Random thoughts on leadership
    • Leadership isn’t Christian
      • “A leader takes whatever they’re given to the next level” -Colin Powell
      • Difference: Where (and for what purposes) and how you are leading people
    • Managing is not leading
      • You can be disastrously unorganized and still be a good leader
    • There are all types and kinds of leaders
      • There is no single type of leadership style
      • Pr 14.28 – a leader needs followers
      • You don’t become a good leader by copying someone else’s style..Do not copy…discover.
      • Lead in a style that resonates with who you are
      • Not everyone is a leader
    • Sometimes being a leader sucks
      • There is a dark side to leadership
      • 1 Pet 5.1
  • Temptations of leadership
    • Believing your effectiveness as a leader somehow affects God’s love for you
      • We end up believing a works-theology
      • In the church world, we often think of God as our “boss”
      • Sometimes we step back from God when we feel like we’ve let him down in ministry
    • Believing that if you are doing well as a leader you are doing well as a person
      • NEVER think, “God is lucky to have me on his team”
      • It’s not just about you–God is in the room doing stuff
    • Believing outcome is the most important outcome
      • Abusing people in the process never cuts it
      • How we move people matters – we need to do it in love and care
    • Believing your ideas about everything rock!
      • Surround yourself that are not impressed with what you do
      • Create an environment where the best idea always wins
      • Plan in advance what you want people to be thinking about. Then the quieter people are heard and the best idea wins.
    • Failing to recognize that most people are not honest with you
      • Often leaders are isolated this way
    • Failing to recognize the difference between real friends and situational relationships
      • There’s nothing wrong with situational relationships, just don’t confuse them for real friends
      • Real friendships do not have a power dynamic involved
    • Failing to recognize it’s not about you
      • In God’s sandbox, a lot of people get to play. Sometimes God takes us out of one so someone else can move in
      • Do I like being in the orchestra, or do I have to be first chair?
  • Task of leadership
    • Developing people and empowering behaviors
      • Are people moving on better equipped to serve the Kingdom?
      • Pr 16.10
    • Creating and carrying the culture
      • Practice what you intend to create. No hypocrites.
      • Pr 20.28
    • Deflecting praise and accepting blame
      • You don’t make anything great, your team does
    • Giving vision
      • Seeing what’s not there, but is possible
      • In people, we need to see what they’ll become
      • Practical way to develop this: don’t depend on only your insight
    • Willingness to change, destroy and fail
      • A good leader makes changes ahead of the curve
      • Also applicable to people
      • Pr 20.26
      • 3 steps:
        • What are my motivations?
        • Spend time in prayerful consideration
        • Wise counsel
    • Willingness to be prophetic
      • Even when it’s something you know people don’t want to hear
    • Willingness to maintain the big picture
      • Your team needs to think their area is the most important thing, but a leader needs to keep an eye out for the whole shabang
    • Mastering encouragement
      • People’s tanks need to be filled
      • One of the strongest leadership tools
    • Learning the art of discernment
      • Learn to discern, not decide
      • Allow the Holy Spirit to make decisions for the team
    • Fueling the fires of faith
      • in those you’re leading
      • Tie into the bigger movement of God in our community and church

Middle School Ministry Campference

Sunday I got back from an event I’d been really excited about for the past few months. The Middle School Ministry Campference is a conference for junior high youth workers, but it takes place at a camp. I love this from their website:

What’s great about Campference is that you get to enjoy all of the facilities and beauty of a great camp without being in charge. We’ve scheduled plenty of free time so you can use the zip line, guilt free.

This was the second year of the Campference hosted by The Youth Cartel, and it was a great time of seminars, large group sessions, worship and the best part–hanging out with other youth workers who LOVE junior high students! That was seriously the best part… talking to other people who share a passion for junior high students and ministering to them.

I was blown away the first night at dinner by how much I had in common with someone just because they work with junior highers. I guess it just goes to show that it takes a special breed of human to work with students that age, and we’re all so similar!

If you’re interested, you can check out tweets from the Campference here.

Marko has already announced that there will be another MSM Campference next year, so if you’re a junior high youth worker, don’t miss it!

Rainy Days Help us Appreciate Sunny Days or Why do we want to state the obvious?

It’s raining this morning in Southern California, something it doesn’t do very often but when it does, it’s usually the lead story on all the local news channels. I have no doubt that right at this moment we are probably on “Storm Watch 2012”. I looked at my Facebook feed a few minutes ago and counted 31 status updates letting me know it’s raining outside this morning.

Why is this something everyone feels they need to let everyone else know about? The first reason is what I said above, it doesn’t rain here all that often, so it’s a change from the norm. We always want to tell people about change. The second reason we want to tell everyone is because we think it’s something no one else knows. Apparently a lot of my friends didn’t realize I could just look out my window and discover it was raining, or that I would be driving 28 miles this morning on rain-soaked freeways that creep along at 20 miles per hour.

I look at rain this way. God gave us rainy days to help us appreciate the sunny days. If all we had were sunny days then after a while we just take that for granted. It’s the same thing with life. If all we had were good times and no problems then we would not appreciate all the gifts that God has given us. A little bump in the road makes us pause and think about all the other things we have to be thankful for. And just like that, I realized I had created a lesson on appreciating the little things in life for my small group guys.

Question: Do you use everyday life situations and events to create lessons for your students?

Watching Time Fly By

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. I start my brand new 7th grade Life Group (small group for jr. high), with 11 guys and one of my best friends as my co-leader. To say I’m excited would be a severe understatement.

I’ve learned a lot of things in the last 4 years of ministry, but there’s one thing that really caught my attention with my last group. Time flies by way too fast. It seemed like our 2 years together flew by as fast as a blink. I know this group will be the same, but I don’t want to miss out on recording the moments we have together.

This year I’m starting to photograph everything. I’ll take a group shot of our group tonight, and hopefully we can look back at the end of 2 years and see how everyone has grown. I’ll take individual shots of all the guys to put in my phone, not just for memories but also to remember names. I want to record everything we do together, so that when I look back at the time that has flown by, there is a tangible, visible memory attached to it all.

Question: What do you do to record memories as time passes by in your youth group?