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Finish The School Year Strong

May 14, 2013 by Leave a Comment

We’re coming up to the end of the school year and it’s tempting for students to want to slow down, to just finish the school year and be done. I think this applies to junior high and high school students and college students as well. There is a temptation as a small group leader to just coast your group to the finish line. So much is at stake here and I could list out about a million reasons why you don’t want to do that but the most important one is the message we are sending to students. The message that gets sent is this: I’m strong in my faith but there are times its okay to just slow down and take my faith for granted.

I want to finish the school year strong. I want to know that students in my group are making some major steps in their spiritual life and that they are continuing to grow. I don’t want them to think its okay to build this great relationship with Jesus during the school year and then during the summer I just kind of put Jesus in the background and I’ll get back to him in September. If you have eight graders about to make the transition to high school or high school seniors about to head off to college you really need to make sure you’re doing everything you can to transition them off to the next stage of their life. I’m going to blog more about that later this week but for today I wanted to list some things to help your students finish the school year:

  • Consider meeting over the summer. Traditionally student small groups stop meeting during the summer. People go on vacation, and there are a lot of distractions but I still meet during the summer. I know that not every student will be there each week but at least they have an option.
  • Keep in contact with them over the summer. Text them, have lunch with them; do a movie day or a beach day.
  • If you have students who are struggling in a particular area keep holding them accountable and make sure they are keeping in contact with their accountability partners. Keep encouraging them over the summer.
  • If your church has a summer camp, encourage your students to go. I can’t say enough about camp. This will be my fifth year as a camp leader and I’ve seen so many students have a life changing experience at camp. 
Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: ,

Students Who Disappear

May 6, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Saw this post from Justin Knowles, one of the guys on our high school ministry staff, last week. I think it’s probably something that you’ve either gone through yourself or will go through at some point in your ministry. Definitely one to keep in mind, and a great reminder to be praying for the students that have slipped through the cracks.

Check out the first part of Justin’s post, then head over to his blog for more.

It is in my nature to want to make student feel welcome. I want to invite them in. This last year there has been a few students who joined my small group, which is amazing. These students were invited by friends, they were coming consistently  they were engaging in conversation, they were “in”… then one day he was gone. The student disappeared. Just stopped coming. Gone. Not really, cause I still saw him via social media and such, but just not coming to group anymore. The others in the group still invited him to come, I pursued him. Nothing.

What do we do? What happens when students just stop showing up?

Filed Under: Repost, Small Groups, Youth Ministry

Last week was great… so, what happened this week?

May 2, 2013 by Leave a Comment

I seem to have discovered a pattern with my small group. Every once in a while, I’ll have a GREAT week with my group–they’ve opened up a ton, we’ve turned a new corner, decisions are made–I’m on a ministry high that week.

Then the next week totally falls flat.

This is a pattern that follows through almost every single time we have a great small group night. So, what the heck is causing it and how can I avoid it?

I think the biggest reason this happens is because there aren’t that many weeks that can be absolutely awesome. When one of those nights does happen, it stands so high above the rest that even if you compare a “good” night to it, the good night is going to be a letdown right after a great week.

Another reason could be that students recognize when a great week happens, so they don’t feel as much pressure to do the same thing the next week. They are the most critical factor in this whole process, so if they don’t participate as much, your next week isn’t going to be as awesome.

So how do we avoid the 2nd week letdown? I don’t know that it is completely avoidable. One of the things I had to do recently is go into the second week knowing that it probably wouldn’t be as great as the week before, and learn to accept that. Another thing is pray that the second week would be great despite an awesome week before. And last is prepare for the second week as if it will be as great as the week before.

What do you do to prepare for the week after an amazing week of ministry?

Filed Under: Encouragement, Small Groups, Youth Ministry

When Students Minister To Each Other

May 1, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. -Galatians 6:1-2  ESV

This week I had a student call me about an issue with one of the other guys in my high school small group. My first instinct was to jump in head first and start dealing with the problem. I began thinking of what I needed to say to this students and what scripture I was going to use, what I would say if he said this and what I would say if he said that. About 2 minutes into the thought process I stopped myself and said to the student who had called me, “Would you like to talk to him with me there? I’ll let you lead the conversation and help you what needs to be said, and although I’ll be there, this is all you.”

He quickly agreed and asked what I thought he should say, if he should tell him how upset he was over this whole situation. Every point he asked me about was a point I would have brought up if I was leading this conversation. I was both amazed and proud at the same time. I LOVE when students minister to each other. I love when they take ownership of a problem and want to help each other. At Saddleback Church we call our small groups, “Life Groups”. The whole idea is we’re doing life together, we are a support system. When students minister to each other we are truly doing life together.

If you think about it, student ministry is one occupation where one of our goals is almost to put ourselves out of business (at least until God puts the next group of students in your path). To get students to the point that they can minister to each other and to teach others should be a goal. That’s an excellent sign that students are growing in their faith and in their relationship with God.

UPDATE: Last night this conversation took place and it was amazing! The student doing the talking did great, he hit all the points about what was going on. The other student took this as constructive criticism and realized it was being done in love. It ended with hugs all around.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

The First Year is About Building Relationships

April 30, 2013 by Leave a Comment

“@broadandy: @Coachshef it takes a year to build solid relationships with a student. Think with the end in mind.”

This is a tweet I saw last week, and I could not agree more with what he said. The first year with a group of students is all about building relationships.

In junior high ministry, I only get 2 years with a group of students. They’re only a part of my ministry for 2 years, and those years fly by as it is. What I’ve learned is that if you can spend the entire first year building great relationships with students, it will set you up for HUGE success in the next year. Since I want my ministry to be as fruitful as possible, of course I’m going to invest in my students relationally during the first year.

Here’s how I’m doing it with my small group:

  • Making prayer requests a priority. Rather than getting through a small group lesson and squeezing prayer requests into the last 5 minutes, I’m doing prayer requests first. It’s more important for me to hear about your life than the discussion we might have tonight.
  • Taking students out to dinner. My co-leader and I take a guy out to dinner every week before our small group. This is to get to know them and for them to get to know us. It also gives them a chance to talk about anything they don’t feel comfortable discussing in a group.
  • Creating a communication culture. We call our small groups “Life Groups,” because we do life together. A huge part of that is communicating outside of group, primarily through texting. I’m trying to train my guys to make communication a priority.

Those are 3 simple things, but we have to be willing to sacrifice that “great lesson about the doctrine of sanctification” for relationship building, at least during the first year.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Making Small Group a Priority

April 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment

This post started out as a raging address to students (and parents) who don’t make coming to small group a priority in their lives. There are things like sports that get in the way and tend to win out over small group, and it’s frustrating

Then something happened.

I was humbled and amazed this week when one of my boys went from telling me on Monday that he wouldn’t be at group this week because he had a baseball game on Tuesday night (our small group night). The topic we were discussing was tremendously relevant to stuff in his life, so this was a huge letdown. Unfortunately in Orange County culture (and I’m sure we’re not alone in this), sports in JH and HS have become life-filling. This particular student has practice almost every day of the week and at least one game a week. It didn’t surprise me that he would choose baseball over small group because of our culture, but it definitely bummed me out.

Because of that, I did something I haven’t done before in 5 years of leading small groups: I asked him to miss a game. I emailed his mom telling her about how relevant this week would be to her son, and I asked if there was any way that he would be able to miss one game this season. She said she would talk to her son and her husband about it because she knew just how relevant this week would be.

Long story short, he made a decision to skip the game and come to group. I was SO proud because I know this was no small feat: he’s the star of the team, he loves baseball and he doesn’t want to let his coach down. I was amazed to see that he had thought it through and put small group ahead of baseball this week, and it ended up being an amazing week for him to come to small group.

Filed Under: Parent ministry, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Getting Students To Share Their Struggles

April 23, 2013 by Leave a Comment

When I have a student who is going through some tough times or is struggling with a particular issue I’m always happy to put in some extra time with him for some one-on-one discussions. Sometimes its something that they are just not ready to share with the entire small group at this time. I’ll let some time go by for him to work through some of his issue and then I start encouraging him to talk to others in the group. After all, that’s what small group is all about.

One of the misconceptions students have is that they are the only one dealing with a particular issue. Chances are there’s probably someone else in the group going through the same thing. Hearing another student talk about his struggle helps other students with the same issue to open up and work through the struggle as well.

I think there is also something that is therapeutic about talking to someone else about a problem you’re having. Sometimes it just plain helps to talk about it. If students are not ready to talk to the entire group at first, then  I encourage them to talk to their accountability partner or someone else in the group that they trust. Sharing our troubles and struggles with each other helps to build and gain trust in one another and makes your small group stronger.

A final thought: when students are struggling with an issue or a big problem in their life, remind them that God never wastes a hurt. Once they get past their current struggle, God will make them stronger and able to help someone else going through the same difficult time.

Filed Under: Counseling, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Rewarding Days Make The Unproductive Days Worth It

April 18, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Every now and then you have a day in student ministry when you know you just had a powerful positive effect on a student’s life. Those are the days that make what we do so rewarding. These are also the days we should remember when we have a day were you feel you’re just beating your head against the wall.

One of the things I need to remind myself is that what we do in student ministry, whether you’re a paid staff member at a church or a volunteer, is all on God’s timing. He knows just the right time for a student to really hear what you’re saying and for it to sink in. God knows when they are ready to hear and act on the advice or the lesson we’re teaching. Sometimes God’s timing and mine are on different schedules. I have to remind myself that his time table is the one that matters not mine.

I often judge how good my student small group was by a couple of things. First, how much discussion was there? I don’t want to be the one doing all of the talking. If you’re doing more than about 25% of the talking you’re preaching not teaching. Second, I judge how the night went based by the number of text messages I get from my group after the group is over. Last night I must have gotten them all thinking about some things because my cell phone lit up with text messages from my guys for about an hour. And while I love that they confide in me, I want them to bring it up to the small group too. I reinforce that they have a group of brothers that are there to help them, and probably most of them have the same struggles so your input will help others too.

I’m going to end this post by stealing a Twitter post from Steven today:

Youth ministry is often messy, sometimes heartbreaking, usually crazy, generally joyful, seldom easy, never boring, always fulfilling.

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Do I Say I Love Jesus but Deny Him with My Actions?

March 20, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Peter said to Him, “Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.”  Jesus said, “I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me.”” Luke 22:33-34  ESV

I was working on an Easter lesson for my high school life group today and while I was reading in Luke where Jesus tells the disciples  that one of them would betray Him and then predicts that Peter will have denied knowing him three times. Each of the disciples asking, “Could I be the one who betrays you, Lord?” I’m guessing all of them were probably wondering if it was them and questioning their own faith at that point.

I started to think to myself, “How true is my faith and my commitment to Jesus?” Do I say I love and follow Him but my actions show something else?

I think these are questions that we as Christians should ask ourselves from time to time. It’s good to have a reality check every now and then to make sure we are in step with what Jesus taught us.

I’m going to put these questions to my small group guys and ask what their actions are showing their friends and family, especially those who might not be believers. Do our actions that others see show a denial of Jesus in our lives? Are we saying one thing and doing another? What about our actions that no one sees, are those actions of a follower of Jesus?

I love these kind of questions with my group. These are usually the kind of questions that once one person starts talking it brings out a great discussion. It’s also the kind of question that might need to hang in the air in that awkward moment of silence before someone speaks up. Don’t rush that moment!

Filed Under: Small Groups, Spriritual Life Tagged With: , , ,

Starting with Silence

March 14, 2013 by Leave a Comment

This idea is definitely not something I thought of myself, but it is a great suggestion that I thought should be passed on to others.

Lately I’ve been starting my junior high small group with a few minutes of silence. We’ll give them their usual 20 minutes to do what they want to do–mess around, wrestle, play hide ‘n seek, whatever–but then it’s our time. We found that this 20 minutes sometimes gets them even more energized than when they got to group, so we needed something to bring them back down.

That’s where the silence comes in. Once everyone is in our meeting room, we start with a couple minutes of silence. Usually it’s just 3-4 minutes, but we expect all the guys to be completely silent, not being distracting or trying to make other guys laugh. It’s a time for them to be thinking about what God might want them to hear during group or to think about prayer requests they might have. We also encourage them to pray for the night.

Once this time is up, we let them know by either my co-leader or myself opening up (out loud) in prayer for the night and for the guys to get everything out of it that God wants them to get. So far this has been a really successful, simple thing to do to bring the guys to a place of seriousness and calmness.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,
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