Steven: At some point in your career as a youth leader, you’re going to get the call or text. It’ll be from one of your students about some kind of difficulty or crisis they’re going through, and they’re seeking you out for help and advice. If you’ve never been through this before, it can seem like a nightmare. Every situation will look a little bit different and there’s no blanket recipe of steps to working through it. That being said, here is what I do most of the time in a situation like this:
- Let them know they’re not alone. This is usually one of my first steps. Students need to hear that the issue they’re going through isn’t unique to them. Most of the time they won’t arrive here on their own, so they need your voice to tell them. This will start to put them a little more at ease.
- Get details. Oftentimes you won’t get the full story in the initial conversation, phone call or text. Once you get a feel for what’s happening, get some details. Find out everything you need to know to fully assess the situation. Once you know details, it will make the advice-giving step much easier and more accurate to the student’s situation.
- Offer advice. If the situation is something you have some experience with, give them some pearls of wisdom. If you’ve been through the situation yourself, it might be appropriate to tell that to your student and say what you did to overcome it. If you don’t have any idea what to tell them, either point them in the direction of someone who will have good advice, or seek it out yourself and get back with the student later. If you need to choose the second option, don’t wait too long to get back to them.
- Pray with them. If it’s a conversation you’re having either on the phone or in person, don’t miss an opportunity to pray with the student before they leave. This can be super powerful and bonding for you as their leader, and it obviously acknowledges God in asking for his help.
Matt: When I get a text or a phone call from a student who is going through a difficult time, no matter what the problem I usually go through the same mental checklist of things to ask or tell them. Here’s what I do:
- I let them know I care and that I’m glad that they have trust in me to come to me with a problem. I let my guys know that if they have a serious issue that is troubling them, they can text or call me 24/7. I’ve yet to have any students abuse this, or call me at three in the morning about a trivial problem that could have waited until morning.
- Listen. Yep, just listen at first. Sometimes students just need someone to vent their frustration to. The second thing I listen for is God revealing to me the right words to say. I have never been at a loss for words, and I’ve always feared that time when a student has a problem and I don’t have a clue what to tell them. But it’s never happened. I pray and wait and listen and God has never failed me on giving me the right words to say.
- Pray. Pray for your student, and let them know you are keeping them in prayer and tell them to pray. If they don’t mind sharing with their small group, ask them to text the other guys in the group and ask for their prayers.
- They are not alone. Often times when students are going through a problem, they think they are the only ones who have ever dealt with this problem. When you know that others struggle with the same issues you have, it makes it easier to work out the problem.
- Follow up. Text or call them the next day or two and find out how things are going. Let them know you are still there for them. When they have confidence and trust in for small problems, they won’t hesitate to call you for the big stuff.
