You are here: Home / Archives for bonding

Taking a Night Off To Just Have Fun

May 22, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Big AirLast night we did a “fun night” with my high school small group guys. We went to a place called “Big Air”. It’s a trampoline park and there are a lot of things to do there. Trampoline jumping, trampoline dodge ball, trampoline basketball, etc. My guys had a blast. I think taking a night off every now and then to just have fun helps build a healthy student small group.

For me it was awesome to watch the bond between these guys grow. Last night I saw them just having a good time, laughing, throwing dodge balls at each other (and at me which seemed to be the highlight of their night, but I digress). I think these nights are so important for student small groups, probably for small groups in general. It gets you out of the routine, it’s a change. No Bible study, no sitting around and talking about the weeks problems, just a night to bond and have fun.

This morning I’m realizing that I’m not 18 years old anymore and I have sore muscles in places where I had forgotten I even had muscles. This morning I’m realizing the meaning of “serving means sacrificing”. I just wanted to stand under the hot water in the shower this morning and it let it relax my aching back. But it was so worth it and I’d do it again in a minute.

My co-leader Michael and I had a task this year of talking a group of nine guys who had been in a small group together and blending them together with seven other guys. Last night it was very apparent that they have blended into one big group. Our small group time has been pretty amazing lately and I’m watching guys grow in their faith and get stronger and stronger in their walk with God. I feel like even bigger things are coming for this group and I cannot wait to see the next level that God will take these guys to.

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Small Groups Tagged With: , , ,

Making The Most Of One-on-One Time With Students

May 7, 2013 by Leave a Comment

I had a chance last week for some good one-on-one time with one of the students in my High School Small Group. I had some things I wanted to talk to him about and it was also a chance to just spend some quality time with him. We went to a baseball game and it was a fun and productive evening.

The next day I thought about how I’ve learned over time how to use a night like this to the best advantage. When I was first starting out in student ministry, I would have used time on the drive to the stadium to have a conversation about some stuff going on with him. I more than likely would have forced the issue before he was ready to talk. I’ve learned to use a night like this for fun. Just some time to sit back and relax and let him see me as a human and not the guy teaching Bible lessons and telling him how he should live his life. As it turned out, he brought up the subject I wanted to talk with him about; I didn’t have to say anything.

We’ve written in the past about how valuable one-one-time can be with a student. Just remember to use that time wisely. I want students to look forward to that time instead of when I asked to spend some time with them, have them think, “Oh no, now what did I do?” During one-on-one time, be intentional. Don’t check e-mail and spend time answering and sending text messages. Don’t avoid the tough conversations but save it for the right time. If a student is not ready to talk don’t get discouraged, just wait for the time to be right. And more than anything have fun! Just be a kid for the night. Sometimes there is no better way to bond with a student than just having fun laughing and talking.

Filed Under: Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Vertical vs. Horizontal Relationships

December 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Steven: Many times in my ministry, I find myself being very narrow-focused. There are times when I spend a lot of time on one topic or a particular range of topics, and others are neglected in the process. One of these challenges is teaching on a vertical relationship versus the horizontal relationships we have.

In the church world, we tend to do a great job talking about our relationship with God (vertical), but we sometimes lose track of how important relationships are with our brothers and sisters in Christ (horizontal). In a small group setting, this is especially important. I want my group to want to support each other and have strong relationships. I’ve told them multiple times, “These 10 guys are now your brothers.” That’s the kind of bond I want them to share.

I often forget that we can’t really have vertical relationships without the horizontal as well. 1 John 4:21 says, “And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” With one comes the other. How are you teaching students to love the people around them?

Matt: When student small groups are done right, there is a huge feeling of community that builds up. I saw this happen last year with my small group. Even though they are now in college they are still leaning on each other and reaching out to each other when they need help or advice. One of the ways we show love to God is to love and serve each other. Accountability partners are a great way to show love and assist each other through tough times.

We also need to know what our spiritual gifts are and use them to help each other. As a small group leader, it’s our job to help students recognize those gifts and develop them so students are better equipped to be role models and leaders one day.

We can’t totally love God without also loving each other. Small groups are the place where true community is developed and where we can reach out to others to love and to be loved.

Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Going out with a bang

June 26, 2012 by 1 Comment

Four weeks from today, I’ll be saying goodbye to my second group of awesome 8th grade students. That day will be the last time we meet before we cut them loose to high school ministry and the amazing leaders they’ll have through their high school careers. Before we do that, we want to make sure to end things on a REALLY high note.

This Friday, my co-leader and I are taking the guys on a camping trip. It won’t be anything too fancy, but it will be some awesome time to solidify the bonds they’ve formed with each other over the past 2 years. We’re doing a quick, 24-hour trip to a local park that seems far away, but only takes about 20 minutes to get to from our church. It will be an awesome last event of the summer.

After the camping trip, we’ll meet with the guys 3 more times in a small group setting. I really want to make the most of these times together, but I also don’t want to do anything too heavy. Just enough stuff to keep them learning, but not too much as to overwhelm them during summer.

Question: What do you do to end your time with a youth group with a bang?

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Are Your Students Ministering To Each Other?

March 7, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I love when I see students in my small group ministering to each other. I’ve seen it after a group meeting when someone talked about a tough issue they are going through and I watch the others pray for and love on that student and let him know, “Hey, I’m here for you and I care”. I think that’s one of the signs of a healthy student small group. Today I saw a post on Facebook from one of my students to another one thanking him for being there for him. What makes it even better is that I know these two are accountability partners as well.

But I have to admit when I saw that today my first thought was, “What was he going through that he didn’t text or call me for some help?” Quickly it dawned on me if that happens all the time I’m not doing my job as a student small group leader. Part of our task is to teach them to minister to each other. When we see that happen it means we leaders have done our job! By nature I’m a fixer, I want to help everyone fix their problems but by teaching my student small group to minister to each other I am helping them fix their problems by being there for each other.

Don’t make that mistake yourself, in fact if you’re not teaching your students to be there for each other, to minister to each other, to be accountability partners then you should be. Teaching life application to scripture is important, but so is teaching students to just be there for each other. Remember, most of the time the real ministry happens outside of your small group time.

Question:  Are you teaching students to minister to each other or are you doing all the ministering?

 

Filed Under: Small Groups, Spriritual Life Tagged With: , , ,

GUEST POST: How can we go deeper with our group more quickly? – Part 2

January 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This is part 2 of Nathan Wells’s post from last week. If you haven’t read part 1 yet, head over there and then come right back!

When it goes deep

The guys naturally just began to group off and talk with one another. This was a great time for me and my co-leader to connect with them in some smaller settings. So we each sat in separate groupings that had formed throughout the night with some of the guys and hopped around, switching between groups every so often and seeking out individual conversations along the way. This is a great time to really have some serious and meaningful conversations with your students so don’t let it go to waste.

There is something magical that happens in the early hours of the morning (anywhere around midnight to 4am) where that wall and guard or mask that a student wears all the time crumbles before you. Bring up topics or maybe even some hard direct questions you’ve been worried or maybe to intimidated to bring up. If its really specific maybe try and have some one-to-one conversations throughout the night. You will see that they will actually answer the question and a conversation about it will ensue.

What about sleep?

You may or may not get any sleep that night but don’t complain about it. Remember the reason why you are having this Overnighter. It’s not for you, it is for your students. If you remember that throughout the night, it will be the most rewarding lack of sleep you ever gave up. By the end of it you and your students will have created so many memories and stories to share with one another and others. As a result, you will all be a lot closer and trusted then before you did this.

So be brave and go one night without sleep for God. It’s really not asking a lot and your students will remember how much you cared for a long time to come.

Nathan Wells, a dear friend of ours, is on the Tech Arts team at Saddleback Church and is also a high school small group leader. This is his second year in high school ministry, and he is doing great things with his group. Expect to read more from him in the future!

Filed Under: Guest post, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

GUEST POST: How can we go deeper with our group more quickly? – Part 1

January 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One way is to have a sleepover with the entire group.

First off, I have called this an Overnighter rather than a sleepover because very little, if any, sleep happens so just come to accept that reality.

Overnighters can be a great tool for ministry. It’s a way to spend more extended amounts of time with one another and deeper bonds can develop. During my past Overnighter we had them all bring food and snacks that they wanted to share with the group (this makes it way easier on you), my co-leader and I just supplied the pizza (it’s great to buy a ton of pizza because it lasts all night and they will eat it all night long).

Once we all were there we had Bible study together. This was like our regular weekly meeting format but we went a little more in depth this time and really broke things apart together. We started with this so that the night flowed from serious to fun. I was worried that some of it went over their heads and that they gave up based on the looks of some of their faces but I pressed on and kept it interesting. The cool thing was they got it. It started great conversations that lasted the night and even into the following weeks. I even have had some of my guys tell me afterwards how much they liked how we started the night with Bible study before we had the greatest time of our lives having fun.

But overnighters are suppose to be loaded with fun right?

Absolutely! That’s why we jumped directly into the events for the evening immediately after we finished Bible study. It’s best to do all the planned and more structured games and events for the night first because as the night progresses they will get more tired and so will you, so less people may participate in everything as the night goes on and that’s ok.

We had our Overnighter around Christmas this year so we did some “holiday games” to start off the night. We started with our white elephant gift exchange and this was hilarious. The rule was you couldn’t spend any money and to re-wrap something old you already had. I think someone ended up with used deodorant and another with a freezer ziploc bag of water. It was fun to see the creativity. Then we played the Twelve tastes of Christmas. Followed by capture the flag and then sardines (which is reverse hide and seek) this took us well into about 1am or 2am and by then it was video game time, movie watching and just hanging out.

Nathan Wells, a dear friend of ours, is on the Tech Arts team at Saddleback Church and is also a high school small group leader. This is his second year in high school ministry, and he is doing great things with his group. Expect to read more from him in the future!

Filed Under: Guest post, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

The “Overnighter”

December 27, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I’m writing this blog post at 2:00 in the morning, after two hours of hide and go seek, two hours of dodgeball and two hours of capture the flag. My high school small group guys asked if our group could do an overnighter in our student building this week since they are out for Christmas break. How could I say no?

These nights are excellent bonding nights for a small group. I have a new guy in my group who has only been with us for two weeks now. He may be new but an hour into this event tonight and you would not be able to pick him out of the crowd. These nights are huge for bringing a group together.

We’re about to head into some Jesus time and do a bible study at 2:30 in the morning. That’s another thing I love about this group, they want to have fun, and they all play hard, but they also want to know more about and grow more in God.

I can’t encourage you enough to plan this type of event for your group!

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Starting the Small Group Year on the Right Foot

October 3, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Matt: This week at Saddleback Church we start off student ministry small groups for this school year…and I am excited! I have a new group this year and I see a ton of possibilities with these guys. Here’s how I want to start this year:

1. I have written down a spiritual goal for each of the guys in my group. That’s one of the things I’ll be praying about for each one this year. I want them to pick something they want to work on this year as well.

2. I want to make sure and bond this group super close together so they know that they have friends to go to during troubled times and I want them to pick an accountability partner.

3. I want to make sure that each week my lessons will tie to high school ministry curriculum, but also that I address the specific problem areas that my guys are facing.

4. I want them to know I’m here for them, and that they can count on me. I want to be very intentional with each one of them this year.

5. I’ve dedicated a part of my quiet time every day towards praying for my guys, by name. If you’re not praying for your group you’re missing out on one the best tools you have that can help and support your group.

6. Last one is simple – I want these guys to know that they are loved.

Steven: I love the beginning of small group season. This year will look a little different for my group because we met during the summer, but this year I want to try a few different things for the start of the small group year.

The first is something I’ve done before, but not so close to the beginning of the year. I want to make sure these guys feel like a close-knit group, so we’re going to have a sleepover in our student building, The Refinery. This year we’re doing it only three days after the first night of small group. I’m hoping it will be a fun time and will remind the guys that they are meant to be more than just a small group, but brothers.

This next thing is a little new to our group. I really want to try to focus on intentional family ministry. For us, this means more of a focus on the parents of our small group guys. We’re going to try to set up a beginning of the year meeting with the parents to start off. I already send out a weekly email letting parents know what our group is up to, but I want to put more effort into it this year. I want to actually write some content that will help them partner with us in growing their sons’ faith.

Question: What do you do to make sure your small group year starts off right?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Retro Friday // Lighten Up!

September 23, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Here’s a post we did a few months ago for Volunteeryouthministry.com.  You can find the original post here.

 

Matt: I look forward to Wednesday nights when I meet with my high school small group guys. I want them to look forward to Wednesday night as well. One thing we need to remember is that small group needs to be fun for students. We have a serious time for Bible study, but we also take time each week to give each guy a chance to talk about his week, how things are going, and about his life in general. It usually just takes one guy to start talking about a tough time he is going through, or a problem and that usually opens up the rest of the group to talking about a problem that he is having. We spend time towards the end of the night on prayer requests. One thing we try to do is have fun each week, and set aside a day every now and then for just fellowship, and fun. Fellowship helps bond your group together. If you have students that don’t attend the same school, they might only see each other on small group night.

One important thing for leaders, on fun and fellowship night…be a kid!! Play dodge ball with them, play video games with them, whatever the game, join in! Participate, don’t just stand by and watch! Don’t bring your laptop and try to catch up on work from the office. This is a time for students and it shows your students that you were a kid once, that you’re not just some guy that wants to lead a Bible study, and it shows them you care. In short it helps bond you to them. With that bond comes trust, with trust comes the ability to open up to you and share what’s going on in their lives. And with that comes the opportunity to teach and show them how different their lives can be when they involve Jesus in every part of their life. When I’m having fun, playing some games or sport activity with my guys it also reminds me not to take myself too serious. Getting whacked in the head with a dodge ball helps keep you humble, trust me I know!

Steven: I’ll admit that I’m probably not the best person to be talking about this. So many times I find myself stressing over time restraints because we only have a set amount of time, and there’s so much Jesus I want to pump into my small group guys! I don’t want it to be wasted on useless games and un-constructive talking. The fact is, however, some of the best ministry moments happen when you’re not being intentionally Jesus-minded. The idea of simply showing your students that you’re a real person and not some Bible-thumping, never-stop-preaching small group leader is super important to making positive, trust-building relationships. THAT is where real ministry comes from.

 

One of the best things I ever did with my 7th grade group is a sleepover (actually a misnomer – there’s usually no sleep involved) in our student building at Saddleback Church. 13 students and 2 leaders got to take over the entire building that night for an amazing time of fellowship, bonding and a ton of laughing. The best part of it was God’s great timing. It happened to work out that we were able to plan the sleepover only two months after the group came together, but after that night, no one could’ve known that the group had only known each other for two months because everyone became so close. There’s just something about staying up all night, throwing dodge balls at each other, having NERF gun wars and playing hide and seek that grow a group together, and not one time did we have to mention Jesus. It just worked. In all honesty, it probably doesn’t take a sleepover to make your small group bond and be more fun. Start small, like a game of ultimate Frisbee in the park, and see where God takes it.

Filed Under: Retro Friday, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,