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Student Ministry Trophy Case

December 20, 2012 by 1 Comment

Our friend Dennis Beckner over at Volunteeryouthministry.com has talked about having things in your trophy case, things from your days in student ministry where a student took time to point out that you made a difference in their life. I understood the concept, but I don’t think I truly understood until today.

I got a text from a guy who was in my last high school small group asking if we could meet and talk  tonight. My first response was to think that something was wrong and he was coming by for advice. I admit, I’m tired tonight and have had a sinus headache for a couple of days and wasn’t looking forward to this. Well, long story short, he didn’t have a problem, he actually came by to wish me a Merry Christmas and give me a gift. He asked me to open the box and inside was a mug with all of the pictures of my last group and a card thanking me for helping to make them the Godly men that they are today. I’m not often speechless but I was tonight, and not ashamed to admit I had tears in my eyes. Such a small thing, but it was huge to me. And now I truly understand why Dennis recommended the whole “trophy case” idea.

You know those times when you think you’re not getting anywhere, like you’re not making a difference…all I need to do now is look at that mug I realize that if you let Him, God will use you. I may not have been totally fired up for my role in student ministry when this day started out, but I am now!

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

400th Post!

August 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This post you’re reading today is our 400th post on this blog. What started as a six-week guest post spot on our friend Dennis Beckner’s blog, volunteeryouthministry.com turned into us starting our own blog and 400 posts later we’re still going strong.

We’ve seen our reader numbers continue to rise, we’ve been picked up by other blogs and had our blogs reposted on some pretty awesome websites that we read every day, and we’ve been humbled and honored because of that. We have blog ideas come to us from all over the place and from our experiences. Before writing each blog, Steven and I pray that these words are God’s words and not ours, that we are just God’s mouthpiece. We also pray that God will put our blogs in front of other student ministry leaders who struggle with the same issues we do and need some ideas on the same problems we face. Each time we get a comment or an e-mail from someone we’re never met telling us how our blog has helped them, it just encourages us even more to keep going.

God has blessed us with the talents and gifts of student ministry and one day He will hold us accountable for what we did with these gifts. We LOVE the fact that we can help students grow in their faith and through some tough times in their lives but we also love that we can help other leaders and volunteers who face the same tough student issues that we do.

I am honored that I get to write this blog each week with Steven. I love his heart for students, his gift of wordsmithing, his sense of humor and his biblical knowledge. What started as a mentoring relationship has turned into an amazing friendship between us. I’m not ashamed to admit that our mentoring relationship probably resulted in me learning and growing just as much as he did if not more. It’s the reason I’m such a huge proponent of mentoring. It’s a win-win situation.

We have tons of ideas and blogs to come yet, and we thank all of you for reading this blog each day.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Retro Friday // The Bottom Line

November 25, 2011 by Leave a Comment

This is a post we did for volunteeryouthministry.com last year. This post marked our sixth month anniversary writing blogs and we took a minute to sum up what we had written about in the past. I remember thinking at the time that this was getting to the end of what we had to write about. I had no idea the plans God had for us and for our own website! Thanks again to Dennis Beckner for giving us our start! The original blog can be found here.

Phil. 4:13 – I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

This week marks the six month anniversary that we have been writing this blog. The time passed quickly to be honest, but when I look back there has been a lot we have learned in these past six months. We’d like to share a few of those lessons with you.

1. Student ministry takes three things: a heart for students, a willingness to be an example and a lot of prayer! There were times when I thought we would run out of things to write about, but I don’t think that is ever going to happen. God continues to place us in situations where we are learning and growing and we pass those on to you.

2. Pain is real. We both have had to deal with some messy situations with some of our students this year. Their pain is our pain, and it kills me when I think of some of the stuff that my small group guys have gone through. But I keep Phil. 4:13 in mind, and use it when I talk with students. I try to point out the lessons that God teaches us with each pain and trouble that we go through.

3. We grow as our students grow. I think I have grown more spiritually in the past year than I have at any time in my life. We learn as we teach, we grow closer to God as we show our students how awesome their life can be when they grow closer to God. When we love on our students, we realize how much God loves us.

4. We get blessed just as much if not more than our students. I call this the “dirty little secret” in student ministry. All of us choose student ministry because we have a heart for students and we want to help them, we want them to have a blessed life, and we want them to grow closer to God and find salvation in their lives. Truth is, God blesses us as we do that.

5. Keep growing, keep learning. Leaders are learners, when you stop learning you stop leading. I want to be able to answer the tough questions for my students. Learning more about the Bible and about God draws me closer to Him. My quiet time each day is vital to having a close relationship with God. There have been times when I have read a bible passage and that very day a student would come to me with a problem that would relate to scripture I just read. I call those times, “a total God thing”. God knew the situation I was going to be in, and he gave me the ammo to fight the battle before I even got on the battlefield.

6. When things get tough, you’re doing something right. The enemy loves to kick us down a peg when we start doing good things for God. If you experience spiritual warfare, you know you’re either getting close to a breakthrough, or the enemy doesn’t like where you’re going. The hardest, most discouraging times in youth ministry are times when I know I’m doing great things.

7. Our time isn’t our time. Even with all the time we put into this game we call “youth ministry,” we have to remember that we’re not living on our time. Just like everything else, God has given us the time we have and we need to keep in mind that things will happen on His schedule. We might want something really badly, but if it’s not the right time, it’s not going to happen.

Here’s the bottom line in student ministry...how many students will be in heaven one day because you took the time to volunteer your time and pass on what you have learned from generation to generation?

Filed Under: Retro Friday, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

GUEST POST: Generational Youth Ministry

October 21, 2011 by 2 Comments

Kevin, Kyle and Eric are 3 names that immediately come to mind when I think about generational youth ministry. I was their small group leader and they, in turn, went on to also serve in some capacity as youth workers. Kevin is an active junior high small group leader, Kyle served as a summer intern for our high school ministry, and Eric has been a camp counselor.

While that’s pretty cool, it’s also kind of sad that I’ve been in youth ministry since 1994 and can only count 3 students who have served in youth ministry. I learned something along the way that changed the way I work with students. If I hadn’t learned this, even those 3 probably would not have served in youth ministry.

The Bible is has amazing examples of mentoring skills; people raising others up for the work of God. Our mission as youth workers is about more than raising up a crop of believers. We need to raise up a crop of believers who serve. This takes more skill and intentional contact than teaching a weekly Bible study.

To raise up a crop of believing servants, youth workers must:

- Watch for potential: You can’t mentor every student. Look for the ones who are open to being molded, eager to serve, and are, on some level, dedicated to God. These students aren’t perfect, necessarily skilled or even popular. They are, however, full of potential, and almost select themselves – they’re not difficult to spot because they’re already exhibiting these characteristics

- Let students behind the scenes: Let them in on the decisions that need to be made, what you’re trying to accomplish, and how it will benefit the cause of Christ. Get their input and talk through options. This will teach students critical thinking while allowing them to take ownership in ministry

- Plant seeds of service: ”When you’re a small group Bible study leader…”, “When you’re a college student facing temptation and standing firm on your faith…”, “When you’re a parent and your teenager does that…” I speak seeds of service into my students’ lives frequently. I want them to see themselves as serving Christ in every area of their lives. Some of them, like Kevin, Kyle and Eric, will even translate that into serving students.

- Pass the torch: Currently, I’m working with a student who graduated from our ministry a few years ago. While he wasn’t in my small group, I’m still grooming him to be a small group leader. He served as my co-leader last year. We’ll spend one more year together, then he’ll be on his own. I’m passing the torch to him by doing all of the above with him. He’s rough around the edges, but we’ve made a lot of progress in the last year. He’s going to be a great youth worker.

At the beginning of summer, I happened upon an all nighter Kevin (former small group student) was throwing for his junior high small group. It was so great to see him loving on what amounted to my youth ministry grandkids. I had never met those students before that night, but they were very bonded with Kevin. It was an incredibly rewarding youth ministry experience to see him impacting another generation like I impacted him.

I started this post by saying it’s sad that I can only name 3 of my students who are in youth ministry. It took me a long time to learn the actions I mentioned in this post. The good news, if you’re a new youth worker, is you can learn these earlier than I did and see a return sooner of students becoming adults who minister to students.

The rewards of youth ministry aren’t always in words. Many times it’s in seeing the evidence that something you said or did is impacting others through former students. These are the best years of ministry.

Dennis Beckner is one of our dear fellow youth workers, director of The Landing at Saddleback Church, and all-around good guy. Be sure to show him a little love by following him on Twitter and checking out his blog.

Filed Under: Guest post, Mentoring, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Tips for counseling students

September 17, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Here’s a great post from our friend Dennis Beckner at Volunteeryouthministry.com  In this post Dennis gives tips for counseling students with their parents. Look for a guest post from Dennis coming soon to Gentogenym.com!

Here are a few tips for counseling your students with their parents:

- Don’t be available at a moment’s notice. If you can delay the appointment for at least a few hours after the explosive argument, they’ll have a chance to cool down and the session will be more productive

- Start the appointment with prayer. Prayer brings God into the conversation and reminds the counselees that they are Christians. That’s a little tongue in cheek. But, really, sometimes this will help the gloves not come off so much during your meeting.

- Begin with stories of what they like or appreciate about each other or a fond memory. Everybody has to share something. This accomplishes 3 things: 1. It softens everybody in the room, 2. It shows you are going to lead the meeting, 3. It sets a positive mood.

- Stay on point until the parents and student understand each other. Tackle one issue at a time. THIS IS ESSENTIAL!!! The tendency will be for the conversation to go down secondary paths not related to the current topic. You are in control of the meeting. When somebody (parent or child) takes the conversation down an unrelated bunny trail, it’s important that you pause and redirect the person back on track until a common understanding is reached. You’re not looking for buy in or agreement, you’re looking to help them understand each other. Good questions during this time are often, “How would you have handled that if you were the parent?” and “How would that have made you feel if you were the child?”

- Keep the conversation moving. The tendency will be for families to harp on a subject much longer than they need to. They’re pouring out their pain and it feels good. You’re leading the conversation so it’s your job to come to an understanding and move on to the next topic. Once understanding is met, announce, “Now that we have an understanding there, we’re going to put that on the shelf for now and not revisit it again in this session. What’s the next issue?”

- Summarize and suggest action steps. Repeat every issue discussed in the meeting as well as the understanding everybody came to on each topic. Give some ideas that could help them communicate better or be more considerate of each other.

- Close in prayer.

Filed Under: Counseling, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Retro Friday // Dealing With Denial

August 19, 2011 by Leave a Comment

 

Here’s another post from the  Generation to Generation series on VolunteerYouthMinistry.com, and of course a link to the original post.

 

“I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM; I CAN QUIT ANYTIME I WANT”

 

Helping a student deal with an addiction in their life can be difficult, but with prayer and spiritual guidance, and the right program you can help their recovery.

Matt: When we hear the word “addiction,” most of us think about a problem with alcohol or drugs, and while those are certainly issues that students deal with today, they are not the only addictions that teens deal with. Pornography and self-image addictions are affecting a lot of students today. It’s easy to get caught up in an addiction. You do something once or twice, and then three times, four times, and pretty soon you start adjusting your entire life so that you can indulge in your addiction. The fist step is admitting you have a problem, but as a student leader we should also keep an eye open when we think a student has an addiction they are ignoring. I look at students’ Facebook accounts and see who they hang around with, check their status, and their photos to see what they are doing when they are not at church.  Makes me feel like a creeper, but that’s how much I care about the guys that God has placed in my care (Yes, long before you made the decision to become a student ministry leader, God knew who he was going to place in your group!). I also know several students who have a pornography addiction, and have come forward to ask me for help.

At Saddleback Church, we have a program called “The Landing”  that is designed to help teens with hurts, habits and hang ups. It’s recovery designed for teenagers. If your church does not have a program like this, you should look into putting one into place. When a student takes me into their confidence about an addiction, I do two things. First, I let them know I’m there for them, I care, I love them and this does not change my opinion of them. Second, I keep their confidence. If teens don’t trust you they will not come to you for help, I cannot stress that enough. The next thing I do is try and talk them into attending our program. If they are reluctant at first, I try to get them to immediately find an accountability partner. I recently had two students come to my with pornography addictions. I now have them keeping each other accountable. They check either other’s computer and cell phone history, and also know that when they feel tempted they can call each other for help. And I let them know they can call me, anytime, for help. I also pray with them. Not just once, but several times and I remember them on my prayer list.

I also encourage them to replace the bad behavior with good behavior. Instead of spending an hour indulging in an addiction, what if you used that time at the gym, or in a quiet time, or any other activity they normally don’t have time for. Life is about choices, I want them to make good choices, not destructive ones.

Steven: As someone who works with junior high students, I used to be surprised by some of the hurts, habits, and hangups that even 12 and 13 year olds can be struggling with. I shouldn’t be that surprised, as that was only 7 years ago for me, but it seems like now students are having a harder time either expressing these issues to someone or dealing with them on their own. Therein lies the ultimate problem – students don’t typically bring things up unless they’re prodded, or they’ve gotten to a point where they recognize how bad the problem is and they know they need help. Either way, we need to be open and available to them as leaders.

 

The biggest thing I’ve encountered when dealing with students with habits, addictions, or other issues, is that they have the mentality of “I’m the only one with this problem.” I try to help them realize that there are probably other kids in our group that have the same issues they struggle with, and if possible, help those students minister to each other. Once a student knows he’s not alone with his problem, there is an instant feeling of relief. Last year I was talking to one of my students, and he asked if he could tell me something he hadn’t told anyone before because he was ashamed. I made sure to tell him that I would never judge him or love him any less because of anything he told me. Ever. He opened up to me in a big way that night, and when I told him that I had struggled with some of the same things he was describing, he told me that he felt so much more at ease and at peace with it.

The biggest part of ministering to students when they open up about a hurt, habit, or hangup is making sure you communicate well. You don’t want to throw them off or force them to clam up because you react in an off-putting way or don’t respond appropriately. About a year ago, Dennis posted a list of questions, comments, and tips for talking to students and helping them open up and share. I keep this bookmarked and open it up every now and then to keep myself refreshed, or I look at it when I know I’m going to have a one-on-one conversation with a student that may be facing an issue. These are all simple things you can do to keep yourself at the top of your game so that you can spread your love and advice from generation to generation.

Would you be able to recognize a student who has an addiction? Would you know where to turn for help?

Filed Under: Encouragement, Retro Friday, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

The Landing

August 11, 2011 by Leave a Comment

This week at Saddleback Church we’re hosting a huge conference for Celebrate Recovery, which is a Christ-centered program for recovery from hurts, habits, hangups or addictions. This program started at Saddleback Church 20 years ago and is now used in churches all over the world. Last year Celebrate Recovery added a new segment to their program called, “The Landing”. The Landing is for junior high and high school students who are going through some tough times in their life and have some hurts, habits or hang ups of their own that they need to work through.

Our friend from Volunteer Youth Ministry.com, Dennis Beckner runs the program here at Saddleback Church and it’s been an extremely successful program. Today I sat in on a break-out session that Dennis put on for the conference. As I listenened to Dennis talk, all I could think of were all the students that have been helped so far because of this program, and the many others that God will steer towards this program.  If your church does not have a program like The Landing for teens, I would highly recommend you look into one.  It can be an awesome way to not only help a student through a tough time in his or her life but also bring them to Christ at the same time. You can check out information on The Landing here or check out their Facebook page here.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Teaching Students How To Deal With Stress

July 30, 2011 by Leave a Comment

I found this post a couple of weeks ago by our friend Dennis Beckner over at volunteer youth ministry.com. It’s a great lesson on teaching students on how to deal with stress in their lives, and it’s a fun game to play while you’re teaching. The original post can be found here.

Tonight at The Landing, we played a trivia game to illustrate the stress in our lives brought on by things we won’t admit to. It worked out pretty well.

Supplies needed:
- Random props of various sizes (we had about 50 – ranging from a straw to a huge stuffed animal to cinder blocks)
- Easily crushed small plastic cups
- Trivia questions related to stress (random stuff I found in a Google search for “stress trivia”)

How to play:
- Ask questions based on the trivia you collect
- Whichever teams have the correct answer get to stack things on the cup of an opposing team
- When a cup is crushed, that team is out of the game
- The last team without a crushed cup wins

The application:
All of the props we’re using to crush cups represents stress in our lives. We all have stuff in our lives that brings stress. When we try to hide that stuff, the stress of hiding it adds to the stress of our secrets. However, when we admit our problems and get help, we’re better off.

Key verse: James 5:16 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so you may be healed…”

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Back to Basics: Worship

July 11, 2011 by 1 Comment

This is the second of three weeks in our “Back to Basics” series. Last week we talked about teaching your students to read the Bible, and this week we’re talking about worship. We’re going to be taking two different approaches to the topic of worship, so hang with us to get the two different views of what worship is.

Steven: One of the things I try to really emphasize to my students is that worship is so much more than just showing up to church on Sunday and singing along with the songs. A few weeks ago I did a lesson with my small group that I borrowed from Dennis Beckner (which he wrote up and you can read here) about living a life that isn’t just a subscription to God, it’s a sacrifice. Along with that comes the idea that everything you do should be in worship.

Going to school is worship if you put God first. Going to work is worship if you put God first. Doing homework is worship if you put God first.

It’s great to go to a worship service every week to engage with other believers in the act of worship through music and singing, but without the full act of worship throughout the rest of the week, you’ll miss out on what God really has to offer. It’s amazing to look around and see all that God has created – from the landscape, the plants, the trees, everything – and it is ignorant of us to not worship the Creator for all that He has given us.

We should even thank him for the things that we’re not completely fond of. I mentioned school above, and immediately that’s what came to mind. Some of the classes I have taken are definitely not my favorite and I can’t help but think, “Why the heck would I need to take World Civilizations if I’m never going to be a history teacher?” The attitude I had to adopt to get the most out of that class (and make sure I actually showed up) was that I’m taking this class for God. It might not be my favorite class, but I’m doing it for Him.

Worship is something we can take part in every single day. It doesn’t have to be in a formal way, but it does have to happen. Even if you just say a quick, 10-second prayer every once in a while for the things you experience, you’re honoring God by worshipping Him.

Matt: When I first thought about this topic I thought about when I watch our High School or Junior High services. I love seeing the students who really get into the singing, their hands held high or watching a group of them in the service hold hands during prayer. At the same time, I don’t like it when I see some of the leaders in the service who are talking to each other, not singing, have their cell phone out and are on Facebook or texting. What is the message that we send to students when we do that? The message is that being in worship is not important!

Students will emulate what they see us doing. We should be teaching them that worship is a frame of mind, it’s a way of setting everything else aside and devoting time to God in worship and praise of Him. When I attend worship I get there early. I want to have time to sit down and just clear my mind, have some prayer time with God before the service starts and ask him to calm my mind, open my mind and my heart to the message I’m about to hear. I’m also aware that often students who are in my small group will be in our main worship center with their parents. If I’m not participating in worship, what did I just show my students AND their parents? I want them to know I love God, and that attending AND participating in worship is a very necessary thing in growing in our relationship with God.

Here’s some ideas if you’re a leader or a volunteer in your church’s student ministry service:

  1. Find a student who is sitting alone and sit with them. They might be new to your church, nothing worse than being someplace and no one knows who you are. After the service introduce them to other students, find out what school they attend, try and find other students from that school, they might know that. All it takes is one connection and you can take a student from “visitor” to “regular attendee.”
  2. Sing the songs, if you’re a person who raises your hands when you sing, go for it. Let students know its okay to show emotion when they sign praise songs to God.
  3. Keep distractions to a minimum. Don’t keep getting up and going in and out of the service. Put your cell phone on vibrate or even better, turn it off if you can.
  4. If you’re a small group leader, encourage your group to attend a service together. This might not always be possible, but usually it works out. I love seeing all of my guys sitting together in the auditorium and just worshipping like crazy!
  5. After the service talk to students, ask what the message meant to them. On occasion I have seen students who get really affected by a message because it hit a little close to home with them. That’s a great time to get them to open up about a problem they are having.
  6. Have fun. Don’t make worship a stuffy, boring experience.
Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Congratulations to Dennis Beckner!

June 23, 2011 by 1 Comment

Congratulations to our dear friend, Dennis Beckner, who runs and writes VolunteerYouthMinistry.com. He runs a fantastic blog about being a volunteer youth worker, and as you can see from his tweet earlier today, his site is now the number 1 Google result for “youth group volunteer work.” So great! VYM is also where Dennis graciously hosted Matt and me for 6 months before we started GenToGenYM.

If you’re a volunteer youth worker and you haven’t checked it out, head over to VolunteerYouthMinistry.com right now!

Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,
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