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When Doubt Creeps In

February 4, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Matt: What do you do when a student tells you that he is not sure he believes in the Bible or in God? What would your response be? I’ve had this experience the past couple weeks and the first thing I did was pray. I asked God to give me the right words to say and to lead this student in a way that would be gently helping him come to his own conclusion. First off I asked him if something has happened in his life that has caused him to have doubts. Second I asked him if he was reading his Bible and having quiet times and trying to come closer to God. I explained that if we want a relationship to grow you have to work at it–it doesn’t just happen.

In this case I believe that something has occurred that is causing him to doubt and wonder why God has let him down. I had those same doubts shortly after both of my parents died within a short time of each other when I was a teenager. I gave him specific examples of how I came back to fully believing and committing my life to Christ. This is one of those times when how and what we are doing can be a huge example to a student.

Steven: Usually doubt isn’t something we deal with a lot in junior high. Quite honestly, I think it should be something more frequent for a junior higher–most of them are going through a transition from living on their parents’ faith (if they had one to begin with) to developing a faith of their own. That can be a rough time, so it seems like doubt would be more prevalent. Nevertheless, it seems to be more common in high school.

Either way, I think doubt is a good thing at the end of the day. If we’re honest, we’ve all struggled with some form of doubt, and my guess is that most of us have come out of that season stronger in our faith. There are a lot of questions one has to work through during a season of faith-doubt, and the journey to answer those questions can be a very helpful thing in the long run. To put it in a sentence: when a student is experiencing doubt, don’t discourage it, but walk through it with them. You can be a huge resource and source of encouragement in those troubling seasons.

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The Gift of Encouragement

August 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I saw this guest post on Josh Griffin’s website, Morethandodgeball.com and it really hit home with me. I like to be an encourager and Colton Harker really points out what we need to do. Here’s a tease below, go here to read the entire article.

 One of the things that the Lord has really put on my heart recently is encouragement. So far, I have realized two things about encouragement: 1) Encouragement is powerful – with just a few words, we are able to affirm, refuel, and inspire others, and 2) encouragement is a gift.  I am blown away by the fact that we have the ability to use our mouths to build each other up.  We can be used by the Lord to communicate His love to His children!  Crazy!

When we encourage others, we are glorifying the Lord.  We are appreciating the unique ways that He has gifted His creation.  We are celebrating the fact that He uses sinners to do incredible things for His Kingdom.  Because encouragement is so important, we need to make sure that we are practicing it in our lives! 

Click here to read more.

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Words of encouragement-the gift that keeps on giving

May 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Sometimes we forget the influence we can have on others. The least little thing you say can be remembered by someone. My parents died over 30 years ago, but to this day I can still remember things they said to me during a difficult time, or as words of encouragement, or just funny sayings. Being from the south, they had a million little sayings. One of my dad’s sayings I can still hear to this day is, “That boy is educated way beyond his intelligence.”  That was usually aimed at politicians.

What’s my point in all of this? Well, when a student comes to you in a time of crisis, big or small, what you say to them will probably stay with them and be used again and again…if you say the right thing. Once you give advice that helps a student during a time of need, they will remember that in the future. I think that even if it does not have a significant impact on them at the time, they will hopefully, remember the advice you just gave them.

I had a real-life example of this recently. A few weeks ago during a tough time with a medical issue, when I was talking to Steven about feeling kind of down, he made a comment to me. “What would you tell the students in your small group if they were going through this situation?” My answer was, “I’d ask them are they going to worry or worship? Worry won’t fix anything; worship will bring peace of mind and help from God.”

Last night during some more bad news, I could hear Steven’s voice in my head…”“What would you tell the students in your small group if they were going through this situation?” So my way of dealing with last night’s news was to go have a quiet time, get in the Word, and talk to God. Within a short time I put the bad news behind me, shut off the light and sleep very well.

Little words can have a big impact on students!

 

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The power of affirmation

May 15, 2012 by 1 Comment

Especially for a junior high or high school student, affirmation is vitally important. They live in a world where their every move is criticized, they’re constantly in fear of being judged and negativity reigns. Without pushing back against the negative, students may feel that they aren’t good enough or they don’t live up to people’s standards.

In student ministry, we should be making sure that our students are affirmed way more than they’re criticized. Encouragement is key, and it’s something we can do in little ways all over the place. A simple “That was a great thought!” or “You’re great at that!” goes a long way toward building a student up.

One way we’re being really intentional about affirming our students is taking a whole small group meeting time and doing affirmations. It will be our last “official” time together, so what better way to end the last two years. The week before, we’ll tell all the guys to be thinking about 2 things to affirm each guy in the group. The last week, we’ll just go around in a circle spending time building each other up and reflecting on how everyone has grown in the last 2 years. It’s a small thing that can have a great impact toward encouraging and building up students.

Question: What do you do to make sure your students are affirmed? Let us know here.

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When students stop communicating…with parents

April 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Yesterday Steven and I posted about how to deal with students who stop communicating with you. Tonight I had a phone call from a parent of one of my high school small group students and she felt her son had stopped communicating with her. She asked if I would reach out to him and try to help him with a situation he is dealing with.

I’m always willing to help parents out but I always make sure that I go over a few points with them first:

  • They are the authority in their student’s life, not me. I’m happy to help but I need to work WITH them, not IN PLACE OF them.
  • I don’t want to go against their wishes but sometimes I need to talk with a parent and get them to compromise a little bit in the beginning. Small steps early on will lead to big steps later.
  • I always offer to pray with the parents. This particular situation I’m helping this family out with now is affecting the whole family, not just the student in my small group.
  • In this case I’m going to need some help from Scripture to show this student that what he is doing wrong is pointed out in the Bible as not a way that Christians behave and represent themselves. Always arm yourself with Scripture before you delve into a problem with a student.
  • Have a list ready for a student. These are the things you are going to talk about and where your student needs to change. When you give them a piece of paper to look at and take with them it makes the problem real and gives them something physical to look at and to work on.
  • Pray! Pray! Pray! Don’t try to take on a students problems, especially one that is affecting an entire family, and try to fix everything yourself. Ask God to give you direction and the right words at the right time to work through a problem.

Everything we put in the post yesterday also applies to this situation. We didn’t intend for this to be a two-part post but that’s what’s happened in this case. I’ve learned to roll with what God hands to me!

 

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Helping the Wallflower Bloom

March 27, 2012 by 2 Comments

I have a student who is very quiet during our small group time. I think he has a lot to say, when he does make a comment it’s very well thought out and usually right on point. Sometimes after our small group time I’ll get into a text message session with him that will last 45 minutes, leaving me thinking, “wow I wish he would have brought up these points in small group tonight!”

But at the same time I also know that the wrong thing to do is put him on the spot or force him to participate in the group more than he does. The likely result from that would be to shut him down even further. So I have not pushed the point with him, but I also don’t let him slide, I’ll call on him from time to time to make sure I keep him involved in the group discussion. I know God is working in his life, it’s just going to take him some time to feel comfortable sharing.

Tonight I realized that time might be here. Tonight he text me and said that one of the guys in the group has been talking to him about opening up more and that he was going to really try to do that.

That told me that two things are happening here:

1. The guys in my group are watching out for each other. One of his peers in the group has come along side of him and talked to him about opening up more. I didn’t have to push the issue nor did I have to ask one of the guys in the group to do it for me. Love seeing God work in my small group and growing these guys.

2. This student now realizes that other guys care enough about him to talk to him about being comfortable enough to open up. I wish I could take the credit for this, but it’s totally God working in my small group.

Question: What ways do you use to get the wall flowers in your group to participate more? Leave your feedback here.

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Finding a way to talk about difficult subjects

March 13, 2012 by 2 Comments

Some topics are easier than others to talk about and some are just downright uncomfortable, especially for students. I’ve had circumstances where I’ve needed to have a conversation with a student regarding what I thought might be happening in his life. One was a situation with his parents, the other was a student who had a girlfriend and information had come to me that they were not really keeping a biblical relationship.

The family situation was easier to talk about for me but not for the student. He was not at a point where he was ready to talk about what was going on, or to hear some advice from me on how to straighten out some of the problems. My first thought was to just let it go at that time and hit him up in a week or so when he might be in a better place to hear what I had to say. I felt that was not the way God wanted the conversation to go that night so I decided that he at least was going to hear what I had to say. If he didn’t want to talk about it, fine… we could talk more later, but I told him what I wanted him to hear. It was the right decision. As soon as I was done talking he opened up and just let it all out. The next day I heard from his dad and found out that they had a great talk when he got home after small group.

The second situation was difficult for me for a couple of reasons. First, I knew my student would want to know how I knew what was going on between him and his girlfriend and I didn’t want to betray the confidence I had with the other student who had come to me. Second, I just knew this was not going to be easy to talk about (for him or for me). But I also knew it was a conversation I needed to have with him. To make a long story short, the relationship with his girlfriend soon ended and he later thanked me for caring enough to talk to him about what he was doing. He and I still talk all the time and now he is at a point where he understands the importance of boundaries in a relationship and how important it is to make God the center of the relationship.

Often times it’s not easy to have some of the conversations we need to have with students, but that’s the job we signed up for. I’m not just in this for the good times, but for the difficult times at well. God has trusted me with 13 students, and I have to do everything in my power to make sure I always go the extra mile for these guys. The other thing I have discovered is that after you have a difficult conversation with a student, it has a way of bringing the two of you closer and it makes your relationships with students very intentional.

Question: How do you handle tough subjects with your students? Let us know here.

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Teaching Students That God’s Love Is Unconditional

February 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night I got a text from one of my students asking for some advice. I love getting these texts because of the wide range of problems they are dealing with. Usually God gives me the answer and somehow it grows me at the same time. It’s usually either parent problems, girl problems or just advice on how to handle a situation. Whenever I get one of these I try to use scripture somewhere in my text back to them. I want them to get to the point where they not only seek out advice of friends and leaders but also from the Bible…what does God have to say about what they are going through.

Here’s the text I got last night:

“I have a job interview tomorrow and I know I need to pray about it, but I’ve made some bad decisions lately and it’s been a while since I’ve asked for forgiveness. I feel guilty asking for it now; it looks like I’m only asking for forgiveness because I need God to help me with this interview.”

I answered back and told him that here is the cool thing about God…He doesn’t care why you came back to him, he just cares that you came back. God’s love for us is unconditional. He doesn’t get mad at us but he does get sad and disappointed when we turn from Him. When you recognize that’s happened that’s when you turn back towards Him. Man gets spiteful and mad, God does not. Man will hold a grudge against us, God does not.

Here’s the last part of the advice I gave him: if you don’t get the job it’s not because God is getting back at you, it’s because this might not be the job for you at this time, and it does not serve God’s purpose for you. I reminded him of Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. –NLT

This was also a good reminder for me, and this makes a good lesson for students. Sometimes man’s love is conditional, God’s love is NEVER conditional.

 

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When You Feel Stuck

February 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Here’s a repost of an article from Benjer McVeigh, a student pastor at Washington Heights Church in Ogden, Utah. We’ve all felt like our ministry was stuck in neutral and not going anywhere. Here’s a tease of his post, you can find the entire post here. 

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Lately, I’ve felt…stuck. Stuck in ministry, that is. There’s no one thing that I can put my finger on that’s really, really broken in our student ministry. It’s just that I feel like we’re not making the impact we could be making, and that as a leader, I need to help our team figure out where we need to go next. The feeling is actually quite hard to articulate, and it’s something I’ve spent a lot of prayer and thought on lately. I’d be willing to bet that others have felt this way before, or may be feeling this way right now. Here are some things to do that are helpful when we feel “stuck” as leaders:

Ask: Why do I feel stuck? Do you feel stuck because you realize that there are hundreds or thousands of students in your community who don’t know Jesus, and you feel burdened to reach more of those students? Or do you feel stuck because your pride hurts from lower attendance numbers or slower growth? Sometimes we’re just longing for another shot of momentum to stroke our egos and feel important.

Pray: Obvious, yes. But worth mentioning, because if you’re like me, you’re a problem solver. I studied math in college, and I love solving problems. Many times, I approach my role as a leader the same way and continually try to puzzle things out. There’s nothing wrong with solving problems, but I often forget that it’s the Holy Spirit that leads, not me and my tiny little brain.

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Find the “Message Within a Message”

December 20, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Christmas is a great time to talk to students about their relationship with Jesus. I’m using it as my “message within a message” this week with my high school small group. Here’s how it’s going to look:

Christmas is a time for family. Christmas is a time to share. Christmas is a time for letting the people in our lives know how special they are to us. Christmas is a time when we forget about the wrongs that our family or friends have done, we set that all aside and just enjoy and love each other.

Translate that to a message within a message:

We are also a part of God’s family, not just at Christmas but all year-long. Being a part of God’s family means God will be there to provide and care for us. Maybe not always in the way we want, but in the way that God knows is best for us. When we share God with others it brings us closer to Him and when we share what we have with God it shows Him our trust. God doesn’t need our money but when we tithe we are showing that we trust God in our finances. We are special to God. All of us. When we have a special relationship with Jesus our lives are richer and fuller than we could have ever imagined. Jesus forgives and forgets our wrongs; He loves us and wants us to be with Him.

There you go, the “message within a message”. Four simple points, but all things that show Christmas is way more than gifts under a tree. You can probably come up with 100 different points like this when you put together a Christmas lesson for students. When I use this lesson with my students tonight, I want them to share what these points mean to them. I want to show them that when they have a true relationship with God, everyday is Christmas!

 

 

 

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