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Notes from Tic Long’s Breakout at MSMC

November 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the greatest breakout sessions from the Middle School Ministry Campference was on leadership, led by Tic Long. Tic worked at Youth Specialties for 30 years, and he’s now the Executive Pastor at Journey Community Church in San Diego, CA. There are a lot of notes here, but hopefully someone will find them useful!

  • Random thoughts on leadership
    • Leadership isn’t Christian
      • “A leader takes whatever they’re given to the next level” -Colin Powell
      • Difference: Where (and for what purposes) and how you are leading people
    • Managing is not leading
      • You can be disastrously unorganized and still be a good leader
    • There are all types and kinds of leaders
      • There is no single type of leadership style
      • Pr 14.28 – a leader needs followers
      • You don’t become a good leader by copying someone else’s style..Do not copy…discover.
      • Lead in a style that resonates with who you are
      • Not everyone is a leader
    • Sometimes being a leader sucks
      • There is a dark side to leadership
      • 1 Pet 5.1
  • Temptations of leadership
    • Believing your effectiveness as a leader somehow affects God’s love for you
      • We end up believing a works-theology
      • In the church world, we often think of God as our “boss”
      • Sometimes we step back from God when we feel like we’ve let him down in ministry
    • Believing that if you are doing well as a leader you are doing well as a person
      • NEVER think, “God is lucky to have me on his team”
      • It’s not just about you–God is in the room doing stuff
    • Believing outcome is the most important outcome
      • Abusing people in the process never cuts it
      • How we move people matters – we need to do it in love and care
    • Believing your ideas about everything rock!
      • Surround yourself that are not impressed with what you do
      • Create an environment where the best idea always wins
      • Plan in advance what you want people to be thinking about. Then the quieter people are heard and the best idea wins.
    • Failing to recognize that most people are not honest with you
      • Often leaders are isolated this way
    • Failing to recognize the difference between real friends and situational relationships
      • There’s nothing wrong with situational relationships, just don’t confuse them for real friends
      • Real friendships do not have a power dynamic involved
    • Failing to recognize it’s not about you
      • In God’s sandbox, a lot of people get to play. Sometimes God takes us out of one so someone else can move in
      • Do I like being in the orchestra, or do I have to be first chair?
  • Task of leadership
    • Developing people and empowering behaviors
      • Are people moving on better equipped to serve the Kingdom?
      • Pr 16.10
    • Creating and carrying the culture
      • Practice what you intend to create. No hypocrites.
      • Pr 20.28
    • Deflecting praise and accepting blame
      • You don’t make anything great, your team does
    • Giving vision
      • Seeing what’s not there, but is possible
      • In people, we need to see what they’ll become
      • Practical way to develop this: don’t depend on only your insight
    • Willingness to change, destroy and fail
      • A good leader makes changes ahead of the curve
      • Also applicable to people
      • Pr 20.26
      • 3 steps:
        • What are my motivations?
        • Spend time in prayerful consideration
        • Wise counsel
    • Willingness to be prophetic
      • Even when it’s something you know people don’t want to hear
    • Willingness to maintain the big picture
      • Your team needs to think their area is the most important thing, but a leader needs to keep an eye out for the whole shabang
    • Mastering encouragement
      • People’s tanks need to be filled
      • One of the strongest leadership tools
    • Learning the art of discernment
      • Learn to discern, not decide
      • Allow the Holy Spirit to make decisions for the team
    • Fueling the fires of faith
      • in those you’re leading
      • Tie into the bigger movement of God in our community and church
Filed Under: Cool stuff, Leadership, Training Tagged With: , , , , ,

Evaluating your small group leadership

May 5, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Matt McGill has a great post on his blog from this week about self-evaluation. His team sent this out to all their leaders so they could reflect on what their ministry looks like and how they are living spiritually as a leader. A few of the questions are below, but head over to McGill’s blog to see the rest of the evaluation and go through some of the questions yourself.

Last week, we sent the following tool to our leaders to help them evaluate their personal ministry:

PERSONAL LEADERSHIP EVALUATION

It’s impossible to get better if we don’t evaluate! Here are a few questions to help you think about your ministry. I encourage you to take some time to reflect on each of the following:

  • Am I maintaining a passionate faith and living a lifestyle that is above reproach?
  • Who are the students with whom I’ve really made a strong connection?
  • Who isn’t showing up to my small group that should be? What kind of follow-up should I do this week?
Filed Under: Repost, Spriritual Life, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

You Can’t Feed Students If You’re Not Getting Fed

February 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the amazing things I have noticed about teenagers is how perceptive they are, when they want to be. I make this point because I think as a leader of a high school small group, I can’t preach to them about doing the right thing if I’m not doing it myself, they see right through you. I don’t want to get preachy here but you can’t teach and lead students about living Godly, biblical lives if you’re not doing it yourself.  When we decided to be involved in student ministry, either as a paid worker or a volunteer, we all made a committment to live our lives as examples to students and not just go by the “do as I say, not as I do” rule.

I could give many examples of living your life in a way that’s a great example to to students but one that really comes to mind is in your own daily Bible study. Teens know when you’re faking it. We can’t tell them how important a quiet time and daily Bible study is if we are not getting fed by the Word ourselves every day. Getting in the Word keeps you connected to God, it helps you stay true to your morals and values, it helps you with problems that come up in your life and also when students come to you with a problem. 

It’s like someone who has never run a marathon deciding that tomorrow they are going to run a marathon. You might make it for the first mile or so, if your lucky, but you’re going to fall out of the race pretty fast compared to those who are committed to running. Same thing applies here. If I’m getting fed from the Bible on a regular basis, its easy for me to turn to the Bible in times of need and also to refer students there. The Bible is God’s love letter to us and for lack of a better term, it’s an “owner’s manual” for life. The more you know the Bible, the more you’re able to use it in life applications.

Question:  Are you getting in the Word on a regular basis?

Filed Under: Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Teaching Students That God’s Love Is Unconditional

February 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night I got a text from one of my students asking for some advice. I love getting these texts because of the wide range of problems they are dealing with. Usually God gives me the answer and somehow it grows me at the same time. It’s usually either parent problems, girl problems or just advice on how to handle a situation. Whenever I get one of these I try to use scripture somewhere in my text back to them. I want them to get to the point where they not only seek out advice of friends and leaders but also from the Bible…what does God have to say about what they are going through.

Here’s the text I got last night:

“I have a job interview tomorrow and I know I need to pray about it, but I’ve made some bad decisions lately and it’s been a while since I’ve asked for forgiveness. I feel guilty asking for it now; it looks like I’m only asking for forgiveness because I need God to help me with this interview.”

I answered back and told him that here is the cool thing about God…He doesn’t care why you came back to him, he just cares that you came back. God’s love for us is unconditional. He doesn’t get mad at us but he does get sad and disappointed when we turn from Him. When you recognize that’s happened that’s when you turn back towards Him. Man gets spiteful and mad, God does not. Man will hold a grudge against us, God does not.

Here’s the last part of the advice I gave him: if you don’t get the job it’s not because God is getting back at you, it’s because this might not be the job for you at this time, and it does not serve God’s purpose for you. I reminded him of Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. –NLT

This was also a good reminder for me, and this makes a good lesson for students. Sometimes man’s love is conditional, God’s love is NEVER conditional.

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Where Is Steven This Week?

December 13, 2011 by 1 Comment

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT)

 

You will probably be reading more of my voice this week on this blog, but don’t worry Steven’s insight and blogs will be back next week. He has finals this week at Biola and he is a little preoccupied. This morning it dawned on me, this is one of the reasons to do ministry with someone else and not alone. Two are stronger than one, and it gives us coverage to insure that we are always posting new content for you to read.

 Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of excellent student ministry blogs out there that are written by just one person. But I think that’s where this website stands out. We offer different viewpoints from different generations and we are also able to handle those times when life hits you head on with other priorities and still keep our site current with new posts. We want to do all we can to help you make your student ministry a success.

 I was thinking today of a few years ago, I had walked into our worship center at Saddleback Church. While I was in there I kept hearing this strange noise. I looked around the room and I saw an older gentleman who was going row by row and sharpening all the pencils that were in the racks in front of the seats. These are used by people taking notes during the service. I went over to talk to him and he explained that one day during a service he got tired of trying to write with a dull pencil so since he was retired and a widower and had time on his hands he made this his ministry. That’s great! He found a way to remain useful and serve God even in his elderly years. Our Worship Center is a big building and it seats about 3,500 per service, so this was no small task he had taken on. The problem is when he died, no one was there to pick up the slack and for a while we went back to dull pencils again! (We fixed the problem, we now use pens) How great would that have been if he included some of his friends in that ministry, they could have helped him or at least been there with him all day on a Friday to keep him company and make the experience fun while he was serving God. And when the time came when he could no longer take on this ministry someone would have been there to keep it going. We’re not meant to go through stuff alone, including ministry.

 Think about your ministry. Could you do it better or reach more students if you had help?

P.S. Pray for Steven and his finals this week!

Filed Under: Spriritual Life, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

What to do when you feel God directing you

September 7, 2011 by Leave a Comment

As I’ve grown stronger in my faith and in my walk with God, I’ve learned to be able to know when God is leading me somewhere. I felt it when Steven and I came up with the idea of this blog and God continues to bless us in this endeavor. My adult small group meets on Sunday night and after everyone had left one of the guys in the group sent a text to Steven and I with an idea for us putting on a volunteer youth ministry mini training conference.

I read the text and thought, “Wow what a great idea.” The more I sat there thinking about it and later that night praying about it, I felt God was pushing me down this path. When you feel God directing you there are two options you can follow. One is to say, ”Okay God I’m not sure about this, but I am sure about you so I’ll follow.” Sometimes this can be uncomfortable, but that is when God stretches and grows us. The other option is to say, “Oh wow this is bad timing for me God, I’m not sure about this, I think I’ll fail, I don’t want to do this.”  (or twenty other excuses you can come up with)  

Now let me be the first to say that I don’t have all the answers in student ministry, but over the past few years I’m no slouch to dealing with problems and issues and helping students to grow in their relationship with God. Steven and I both have the spiritual gift of teaching and we should use that to help others in this game called student ministry. When I first started out as a volunteer with our high school ministry I would have loved to have some kind of training and discussion with other leaders in a mini conference format.

We’ll continue to keep you updated on the status of this volunteer youth ministry conference we’re putting together and details on how you can attend. I can’t wait to see how God is going to use us in this training conference, but I have a very strong feeling that he is directing us towards this goal.

If this sounds like something you might be interested in, click the “Contact Us” link above, or leave us a comment in the box below.

Filed Under: Training, Volunteer ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Five Tips For Starting The School Year Right

August 20, 2011 by 1 Comment

I read this article this week on YouthMinistry360.com blog. I thought this was a great article for youth ministry leaders and volunteers.  It’s from Jay Higham, who is the Director of Youth and Family Ministries at St. Paul’s Presbyterian Church in Somerset, PA. You can find more great stuff from Jay at his website here.

Starting the new school year off right is a wonderful thought.

What a great time to get rid of a few bad habits, start a few good ones, and pledge to do things a little better than the year before.

See . . . told you it was a wonderful thought! Here are five simple suggestions that I know I will be using this year. Maybe they will be helpful to you, too.

Commit To A Daily Quiet Time With God

Maybe you already set aside time in your daily schedule to spend time in God’s Word. Great! Keep it up! If you struggle to keep a daily quiet time schedule, don’t freak out. Many struggle with setting aside this time. But let me encourage you to really commit to making time each day to spend reading God’s Word, praying, and listening.

As those who lead youth, there really is no excuse for us not to be in God’s Word each day.

Eat Well

The older I get the more I find that I am in need of healthier eating habits. Long gone are the twenty-something years when I could eat whatever I wanted and burn it off while watching TV. Eating well is carefully choosing what we eat, and maybe more importantly, what we don’t eat. No crazy diet or weight loss plan. Just eat what is good for us. Moderation is important. We’re not challenging the 10th grade boys to a pizza eating contest.

We all know we feel better, and in fact are healthier when we choose to eat well. Our health is a huge part of being an effective youth worker. If you don’t feel good, it’s hard to be effective!

Get Out And Exercise

Working out is not my favorite thing. But if I make it through a couple days, working out begins to feel better. I have a little more energy. I’m a little more productive. And I feel healthier. Not to mention the reduced stress levels. Plus, next time you play killball, you can get back at that 11th grader who knocked you out because you had to stop and catch your breath.

And if that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is.

Create A Routine

Routines can be good when they help us establish good working habits. I find when I stick to a routine, I accomplish some of the little things that I may not always enjoy doing. For example, when I arrive at the office in the morning I set up my laptop, check email, check my calendar for the day, return any messages, check my favorite blogs, and develop my plan of attack. All of this happens within the first 90 minutes of the morning. Then, I move about my day!

Procrastinate Later

I can be a real procrastinator. In high school I was great at waiting till the last minute before tackling assignments. Even in ministry, I find there are a few tasks that I would just rather not do. That makes it that much easier to put them off. But I was given some very wise advice, many, many years ago. If I were to get into the habit of just doing what I disliked doing right away, I wouldn’t have to deal with the agony of knowing I still have to something that I really didn’t want to do. So don’t procrastinate! Attack those undesired tasks right out of the box and get them done.

It’s better to have a few minutes of “pain” instead of a couple hours of “torture” knowing you still have to get it done.

So, there you go, five simple ideas to help you start the new school and ministry year off right.

What tips would you add?

Filed Under: Repost, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

What To Do When Your Plans Change At The Last Minute

August 6, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Steven and I have written in the past about what we do when things don’t go exactly as we had planned them to. I saw this post today from Chris Wesley and it offers some good ideas as well.  The post is below but you can also check it out here.

What To Do When Things Have To Change Last Minute

No matter how many times I hit refresh on my browser there was no chance of the forecast improving.  Yesterday, my peers and I had to pull an audible with the 80 students in our work camp.  Thunderstorms forced us to cancel both our service component (working on a farm) and our fun component (swimming at the local quarry).
Needless to say students were bummed.  We never thought about developing a back up plan; however, we were able to rely on one another and our resources to create an indoor service component (make casseroles and hundres of PB&J sandwiches) and find a vendor (local bowling alley) to supply the fun.  In the end, everything worked out.
While there were moments of panic, we were able to get the job done, because we knew we could:
 How do you deal with unexpected change?
  • Stay Calm: Worst thing to do in a moment of change is lose your cool.  Recognize the emotions, the feelings and accept the change that’s about to take place.  Know that God is with you in every moment and if you rely on Him, He will guide you to take the right steps.
  • Rely On Resources: In times of panic we seem to forget what we already know.  Rely on what you know best, seek out the people you know and don’t worry about being original.  In times of quick changes, be simple and do what you know best.
  • Lean Into It: Don’t run, don’t hide and don’t deny.  It might be tempting to sit in denial, but all you are doing is creating confusion and chaos for those around you.  Leaning into a problem or obstacle, means taking a closer look at what you are facing.  Knowing what you are facing will help you overcome.

Whether it’s a sick volunteer, a broken piece of technology or a rainy day, things are going to happen that our in and out of our control.  It can feel like life is just happening, but don’t ignore the fact that God could be calling you to something bigger and greater.

Filed Under: Repost, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Don’t Try to do God’s Job for Him

July 27, 2011 by 2 Comments

As usual with Student Ministry – when you set out to teach on a subject to students – God also teaches you something at the same time. I learned a lesson at High School Camp two weeks ago that I wanted to share.

I had eleven guys in my cabin, eleven guys that I didn’t know. I know literally hundreds of students here at Saddleback Church and somehow our High School Ministry team managed to pick eleven students that I didn’t know. My first thought was “Thanks guys, this will be fun, I don’t even know any of these kids.” And then I remembered how God works and I remembered that God had picked these students to be in my group a long, long time ago and these were the ones He wanted me to have. And besides, I love a challenge.

Camp was amazing, the first couple of days I watched as ten of these guys were changing right before my eyes and growing closer to God and in their spirituality. One guy however, just didn’t seem interested no matter what I tried. By Wednesday I thought to myself, “Well ten out of eleven are going to come back different from they were when we got to camp and God is going to play a bigger role in their lives, that’s a good average.” I hadn’t written this one student off, I just didn’t think I was getting through to him and it still bothered me. Then on Thursday morning he came up to me and asked if he and I could talk. We spend about an hour and a half talking about his life, what was going on with him, his struggles, and also about how he felt God was moving in his life now.

I sat there listening to him and thought to myself, “Wow, I was ready to give up on him and devote my time to the other guys. Had I given up too soon?” No, I hadn’t but what I forgot was that I had done my job, and was trying to do God’s job also. I didn’t need to. God knew when this kid was going to be ready to talk. If I would have pushed him into the conversation we had I’m sure it would have gone differently.

Here’s the bottom line. Open yourself up and let God use you, and then let God do his job! He does it better than any of us ever could. His timing is perfect.

Filed Under: Summer Camp, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Is there a storm brewing in your Small Group?

July 14, 2011 by Leave a Comment

 

This morning I was watching a weather report and the reporter was talking about a big storm that was brewing in the mid-west. When they showed a satellite view you could see something big was happening. If you lived in that part of the country a weather report can warn you of a problem heading your way and you have some time to take action.

Sometimes as leaders, WE are the satellite view, we can see a problem in a small group or with an individual student starting to brew and how we handle that can be the difference between rain showers or a huge thunderstorm. If you see an issue starting between two members in your small group you can either ignore it and hope it goes away or you can sit the two students down and address the problem. I think you all will agree with me, it almost never just goes away on its own.

I have dealt with conflict between two students by sitting them both down in a room and I act as the moderator. I tell them what I have noticed and tell them that now is the time for us to correct this before the divide between them gets even bigger. This is also the biblical way of handing conflict. Once you get them talking you usually can just sit back and let the problem work itself out between them. If the students are not ready or willing to talk I ask open ended questions of them to get them talking.  I ask questions that can’t be answered with “yes” or “no”. These type of questions will stimulate the discussion. The key is to get them talking. Usually the problem is something tiny that got blown way out of proportion.

What if you see a problem with students who are not in your small group? If I know who their small group leader is I’ll take it to them and advise them of what I see. If it needs to be dealt with immediately, I’ll step in and do what I mentioned above, but when it’s over I’ll make sure and bring their leader up to speed with what happened so they can follow up and make sure the issue does not reappear.

Here’s the bottom line, just sitting back and doing nothing  almost never works. Problems are just allowed to gain momentum and can quickly snowball out of control. We also need to make leaders out of these students we have in our care, and showing them the best way to address conflict is one way we help pass leadership skills on to the next generation.

How do you address conflict with students?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,
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