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Conversation starters

May 3, 2013 by Leave a Comment

At Saddleback Church it’s not uncommon that we have students that come with their parents who drop them off at our student building while the parents go up to the main Worship Center, or what I refer to as “big church”. Because of the size of our campus those two buildings are several acres apart. It’s easy for a student who is really not committed to church to skip a service and sit someplace until service is over and meet back up with their parents. Because of the size of our student building it’s sometimes easy to just blend in and not be seen. It’s one of the downfalls to a mega church. Often times these are students who don’t live close to the church so they don’t see another student that they might know from school or their neighborhood. These are the students I try to reach out to. I look for students sitting alone in a service or students sitting someplace in the student building trying to avoid the service.

Starting a conversation with a teenager can be a chore especially when it’s a teen that has been brought to a church service by their parents and they can think of a hundred other places they would rather be. I remember when I first was starting out volunteering in student ministry I was afraid I wouldn’t know what to say or I’d say the wrong thing. Now it just comes easy to me. Here’s what I do to start a conversation:

  • Pray. I ask God to help me be able to see a student who is trying to blend into the woodwork and to be able to start up a conversation with them.
  • Be yourself. Nothing is more creepy to a student than an adult trying to act cool…and you’re not. Just talk natural. Limit your use of these two words, “dude” and “totally”.
  • Tell them your name and THEN ask theirs. If you do it the other way around you come off like a creeper.
  • Keep current in stuff that teens keep current in their world. I’m not a big rap or hip hop fan but I know enough to know names, I know who the latest celebrity crushes are, what sport teams are in the lead and what the latest stupid thing that Justin Bieber has done.
  • Ask the right questions. Don’t just be superficial. If you ask how a student is doing and they say “okay” but you sense something is wrong ask “No, really how are you, can I help you with anything?”
  • If it’s a student new to your ministry try to hold back having them accept Jesus, get baptized and sign up for a mission trip all on their first visit to your church. Don’t rush it or you’ll scare them away.

 

Filed Under: Culture, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

When Students Minister To Each Other

May 1, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. -Galatians 6:1-2  ESV

This week I had a student call me about an issue with one of the other guys in my high school small group. My first instinct was to jump in head first and start dealing with the problem. I began thinking of what I needed to say to this students and what scripture I was going to use, what I would say if he said this and what I would say if he said that. About 2 minutes into the thought process I stopped myself and said to the student who had called me, “Would you like to talk to him with me there? I’ll let you lead the conversation and help you what needs to be said, and although I’ll be there, this is all you.”

He quickly agreed and asked what I thought he should say, if he should tell him how upset he was over this whole situation. Every point he asked me about was a point I would have brought up if I was leading this conversation. I was both amazed and proud at the same time. I LOVE when students minister to each other. I love when they take ownership of a problem and want to help each other. At Saddleback Church we call our small groups, “Life Groups”. The whole idea is we’re doing life together, we are a support system. When students minister to each other we are truly doing life together.

If you think about it, student ministry is one occupation where one of our goals is almost to put ourselves out of business (at least until God puts the next group of students in your path). To get students to the point that they can minister to each other and to teach others should be a goal. That’s an excellent sign that students are growing in their faith and in their relationship with God.

UPDATE: Last night this conversation took place and it was amazing! The student doing the talking did great, he hit all the points about what was going on. The other student took this as constructive criticism and realized it was being done in love. It ended with hugs all around.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Helping Students Reach Their Goals

December 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This past weekend our High School Ministry at Saddleback Church held our annual Winter Camp. I had five guys from my small group attend. I wasn’t able to be there but from what my co-leader has told me, all of them had a spiritual weekend and have pledged to make some changes in their lives. My co-leader, Michael and I discussed some things we need to do to help them stay on target to reach the goals that they set for themselves:

1.  I just blogged about this last week, but accountability partners are going to be a huge part of this. Everyone needs someone to help you though tough times and tempting times. This one is huge, we are going to plug this really hard this year with our group.

2. Help students to make their goals measurable and attainable. You can’t just set a goal of “I want to be closer to God”. How are you going to do that? What steps are you going to take? When a goal is measurable, it’s manageable and attainable.

3. Weekly follow-up. We need to make sure that we’re checking in with them outside of small group time. This way we make sure that we connect with them at least twice a week.

4. Make ourselves intentionally available to them. Text them, call them; meet them at weekly church service. We really need them to know we’re here for them.

5. Encourage students to talk to their parents about the commitments they have made. Parents can’t help students reach their goals if they don’t know about them.

6. We want our guys that went to camp to share with the rest of the small group. Small groups are where we talk about spiritual connections and growing closer in our walk with God. It’s another resource to help you reach your goal and it’s inspiration for those who didn’t go to camp to make some changes in their lives as well.

Question: How do you help your students reach their goals?

Filed Under: Spriritual Life, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Small Group Leader Roll Never Really Ends

October 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night was the “meet and greet” night for High School Ministry here at Saddleback Church and I got to meet some new guys in my small group. It was an awesome night and I really have some great students in this group and I’m excited for the new school year.

And then today I had lunch with a former student of mine from my last small group. Sitting and talking with him at lunch and going over some stuff in his life made me think about how we never really leave a student’s life, not if you’re doing small group right. I have a whole new batch of students that God has placed in my care and I’ll do my absolute best to walk along side them and help strengthen their walk with God, to be there for any problems that they open up and share and need help with, I’ll be at sporting events and school plays, and going out of my way to let them know that besides their parents they have another caring adult in their life they can depend on.

But, I’ll also keep the door open to my past students. Just because a student is no longer in your group does not mean that God wants you to end the teaching and role model and mentoring to that student.

I think it’s important to know the role you play in a student’s life as they mature.  My role now will be more of a mentor to past students and a couple have asked me if I would mentor them. I think it’s also important to note a couple of points here also.

  • I’m a single guy and I have time for this. If your married with kids, don’t sacrifice your family time and make them second. Being single, God expects a little more of me since I have the time.
  • If you decide to mentor former students, put it on them to arrange a time to meet and to follow through with this. It’s part of the growing up process and also, they have to want a mentor in their life, more than you want to mentor them.

The bottom line is when you sign on for Student Ministry remember that your job is not always done just because they graduated junior high and went to high school, or graduated high school and went to college.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Trusting God…Completely

September 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

“I beg you to lead a life worthy of your CALLING, for you have been CALLED by God!” -  Eph. 4:1 NLT

 On Monday we talked about being either  a “Timothy” or a “ Caleb” in your church. Yesterday Steven talked about letting God take your big decision and make it even bigger. It’s not a surprising post because of where Steven is in life, about to graduate from college and begin a career in student ministry and realizing that he needs to open his mind and his heart to where God wants to take him next.

I had figured that God had already used me for His purposes and found where I needed to be.  But after a lot of thought and prayerI realize that I’m limiting myself, I’ve placed myself in a box. Wrong, wrong, wrong!  Can I do a lot of good where I’m at? Absolutely! I’m working and volunteering at a huge mega-church, can I impact the lives of hundreds and even thousands of students?  Absolutely! Can I help change lives…absolutely…but can I do even more and make a greater impact? I think I can, but I won’t know unless I step out of my comfort zone and try…something that is very difficult for me to do and probably most of you as well.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  -Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

If you’re like me and you’re in your “Caleb years”, don’t think that change and big life decisions are just for those who are beginning a career path. The Bible never mentions retirement, God never meant for us to just sit back and not work for the Kingdom. I had an amazing 30 plus year career in law enforcement and then God brought me to Saddleback Church and student ministry and  never in my wildest imagination would have seen myself doing what I do now. But now as I stand here at a crossroads I realize that I need to leave my comfort zone and see what God has in store for me next, and at this point I have no idea what that even looks like.

Steven and I believe very much in the concept of this blog and we’ll continue to write and give advice and suggestions to our faithful readers and at the same time both of us realize that God has something even bigger in store for us. I’m going to believe in Jeremiah 29:11 and remember that God has a plan for me and I need to follow where He leads. I’m betting if you give this some thought you will realize the same thing in your life.

Question: Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone and make an impact for the Kingdom, or just play it safe where you’re at?

 

Filed Under: Spriritual Life Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Landing

August 7, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Steven is gone this week, he’s a cabin leader at Saddleback Church’s Junior High Summer Camp, keep him in your prayers. I’m sure next week you will be reading on this blog about his week. In the mean time you will be hearing a lot of my voice this week.

 This week at Saddleback Church we are hosting a yearly conference for our Celebrate Recovery ministry. Celebrate Recovery is a program developed here at Saddleback by Pastor John Baker. Celebrate Recovery is a biblically based program for overcoming addictions, hurts and hang ups. It has a huge success rate. There are thousands of churches all over the world who use this program and we generally have about 3,500 people attend this conference. It gives me a chance to talk to people from all over the country who have come to Saddleback for this conference.

About two years ago Celebrate Recovery launched a recovery program that is designed for teenagers called, “The Landing”. If your church is not using this program I would encourage you to look into bringing it to your church. I’ve talked with students here at Saddleback who attend our program and most if not all of them have had success with this recovery program when they have failed with others. I think the reason for success in this program is simple; it’s biblically based and brings God into the healing equation.

Programs like The Landing are great for students because they see they are not alone, that there are caring people who have been through struggles of their own and they are there to help them. It also shows them that they are not the only one who struggles with an addiction, a hurt or a hang up of some kind. I think often times teens think no one else is going through or has gone through what they are dealing with.

This is also a great serve opportunity for adults looking to volunteer at their church. It’s your opportunity to use a hurt in your life and help a student avoid the same pit falls.

 

 

Filed Under: Counseling, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

A reminder to myself

August 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I had to remind myself today that it was time for me to move on. I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do and I had every intention of doing it. I’m talking about my old high school small group that ended this past June. I say ended because I had a group of high school seniors who all graduated in June. I even wrote a blog about it being time to “kick the baby birds out of the nest.”

I have them all set up now as a young adult college group, I had them register the group with our college ministry, CRAVE at Saddleback Church so they can be an official group. They even have a leader that stepped up and agreed to do a lesson each week and send out e-mail reminders and keep track of prayer requests etc.

I saw a post on Facebook on Tuesday that they were going to be meeting on Thursday night. Without even thinking I posted a comment reminding all of them to be there and that I might stop by. Wrong! I wanted to stop by and see them because I miss them,  and to make sure everyone is doing okay, but it’s time for them to be their own group. My being there would be a distraction to Erick who is now leading and teaching the group and would have them looking to me for answers and advice instead of each other.

There is nothing wrong with popping in every now and then, but not now. Not when their new group is just starting. I had to put my emotions aside and realize this is what is best for them.  I’ll stop in and see them, but later after their group is established and they have INVITED me to stop by. In the meantime, I’ll keep them all in prayer. I have a new group of nine high school freshmen who need my time and my gifts now. Thanks God for the subtle slap in the face reminder I needed.

 

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Some More Thoughts About Mentoring

June 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

We’ve written before on this blog about the importance of mentoring in a student’s life. Unfortunately I think a lot of people assume that a mentor is an old gray-haired guy (or in my case a bald guy) who is at the end of his useful time on this earth and he is passing on his knowledge to a younger guy so that his lost craft or art does not die with him.

Mentoring is so much more than that. At Saddleback Church where Steven and I work, if you’re over 30 you are expected to mentor someone and if you’re under 30 you need to be mentored by someone. The concept is, “Every Paul needs Timothy and every Timothy needs a Paul.” I get that, and I totally agree with that. But here’s the problem with that- I think people in my age group who are mentoring someone don’t realize that they need a mentor as well.

Ironically one of the mentors in my life is younger than I am. Josh Griffin, our High School Pastor at Saddleback has taught me so much about relational student ministry and he has kept me on my toes and kept me always wanting to learn more. On the other side of this coin, if you’re younger and you have a mentor in your life that does not mean you can’t mentor someone younger than you. No matter where you are in life, you know more than someone and have life experience that can help someone else to grow.

Earlier this year I loved seeing Steven take on a mentoring relationship with one of the eighth grade guys in his junior high small group. (Click here to read Steven’s post.)This student will soon be moving on from Steven’s group but he is going to continue the mentoring process with this kid. Why? Because Steven saw a lot of himself at that age in this student and realized that he could help this student avoid some of the pitfalls that tripped him up when he got to high school.

This next school year I’m bringing on a co-leader to my high school small group and as part of the process he has asked me to be a mentor to him. Without hesitation I said, “Yes!” Well as I remember I practically yelled it, but I digress.

I could write all day about what I think about mentoring and its importance in everyone’s life but here’s the bottom line. Pass on what you know to the next generation. Learn from the previous generation, that’s the entire premise of our website. God wired us to always be learning and always be teaching.

 

Filed Under: Mentoring, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Summer plans for staying connected

May 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Matt: Some student small groups take the summer off. We do that at Saddleback Church but I want to continue to keep my group connected during the summer. Last summer, even though not every student was able to be there each week, I still had a weekly meeting. I simply told my students to be there when they could. I tried to keep the subject matter light and not do multi-week lessons. I didn’t want a student to miss a week and feel like when he returned he wouldn’t know what we were talking about so each week was a different lesson. Summer can be filled with distractions for students and for some they probably need their small group as much if not more during the summer as they do during the school year.

This year is a little different. I have high school seniors who will be moving on next year so we plan to meet over the summer but with the intent of them forming their own young adult small group. I’ve begun to decrease my involvement with the lesson and with the meeting each week so that they can become more reliant on each other for their group. My current group has some natural leaders and I want them to step up during this time. We’ve also planned some fun outings over the summer, a time to just get together and hang out with each other. I want to keep the unity they have formed with each others and not let it slow down over the summer. I also want them to realize the importance of a small group not just during their junior and senior high school years but for life. I want them to have a group of Christian brothers who will always be there for each other.

Steven: Staying connected this summer is going to be more important than ever for my small group boys. They are moving into a new season of ministry, from junior high to high school. This means they will be making a transition, and there is plenty of opportunity for some of the guys to drop off and not make the jump. To avoid this, we’re doing everything we can to make sure they stay connected with each other so they have a seamless transition.

  • We’re ending our “official” small group meeting time (which normally parallels the school year) with one of the guys’ favorite events–a sleepover in our student building. This will be the 4th time we’ve done it with this group, but we have a few extra things planned to cap off the year.
  • We’ll be meeting through the summer on our normal meeting day. Some of the guys have already started asking if we’ll be continuing after school ends, and we don’t see any reason to end it! If they want to keep meeting, we’re game. We’ll do this up until the guys leave for high school camp.
  • Because some of the guys in our group weren’t able to make it to the sleepover, we wanted to make sure they got to celebrate their time with us too. We’re taking a 24-hour trip to one of our local parks, which is something we’ve never done with them before. It’s close enough that we don’t have to drive far, but far enough away to feel like a total getaway.

This is just an example of some of the stuff we’ll be doing to keep our students connected. In this vital time, we want to give them as good a chance as possible so they start their time off right in high school.

Question: What are you doing to keep your students connected to each other over the summer? Let us know here.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Gospel-driven vs. need-based lesson planning

May 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Steven: Recently I’ve been battling a question in my head every week about the way we choose discussions and lessons for our junior high students. The way I usually work is I see a need, I figure out how to address it and I bring it to the group to talk about it. This need-based way of doing ministry is great in our context, but I often wonder if we’re taking the wrong approach. Granted, God is always at the center of the conversation, regardless of whether it’s need-based or Gospel-driven. The goal is always to draw students closer to God.

But what if, rather than always going right to need-based ministry, we start at the Gospel and use it to address the needs we see?

This is a tension that I’m feeling in a big way lately, and quite frankly I still don’t know how to reconcile it in my head. I’m clearly more comfortable with need-based ministry, because that’s my first instinct almost every time. If we ever do a Gospel-driven lesson (which does happen, just not as often), it is usually because it was planned in advance, very intentionally.

I suppose in reality this is more of a both/and rather than an either/or solution. You can’t really have one without the other; Gospel-driven lessons will lead to meeting the needs of your students, and need-based discussions should always be God-centered, which will emphasize the Gospel. The question is, where on the scale is the pendulum supposed to land?

I know I need to spend more time thinking about how to lead from a Gospel-driven perspective. Addressing needs is great, but it always needs to come back to the core of our faith, which revolves around the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Matt: I’m sure there is a way to do both, but I seem to be spending most of my time with my high school small group on need-based or life application lessons than I do on a message on the gospel. Don’t misunderstand me, on every need-based lesson I do I always tie it to Scripture, but to be honest I can’t remember the last time I did a message that was solely based on a gospel-driven Bible study.

This week I intend to do a gospel message. Our speaker for the High School Ministry at Saddleback Church this past weekend spoke on the Sermon on the Mount. I want to follow up his lesson and talk about the Beatitudes. I’ve intended to do more gospel-based lessons and dig into Scripture and the great commission and great commandment but it seemed that each time I did, something came up in our group and at mid-week I was changing the lesson.

We’ve written several times that you need to let God drive your small group and the lesson you have planned might not be the lesson your group needs to hear for that particular week. The last time I was going to do this lesson on the Beatitudes an issue with a student arose during our small group meeting and I felt God leading me to change my game plan. The night turned into a need-based, life application lesson with Scripture mixed in. It was definitely the right decision for that night.

Next year, I want to be more intentional on gospel-driven messages with my new group of incoming freshmen. I’m not going to kid myself, I know that won’t always be possible but I think I want to try and plan my year that way. My goal will be one week each month to teach a gospel-driven message.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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