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Your Biggest Role Sometimes Is To Encourage

April 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment

As a student ministry small group leader, sometimes your biggest job is to be an encourager. We all need a little encouragement from time to time but your teen years are a time when you need a little more validation in your life. It’s a time when little problems can seem huge and a time when students are still trying to figure out who they are.

I had a student in my group who ran for ASB Vice-President at his high school and unfortunately he lost the election. This was a huge loss to him. I wanted to remind him that it’s better to have tried and failed than it is to fail to try. I was proud that he put himself out there and tried! Also, losing an election for ASB does not mean he is any less the great guy that he is. Maybe God has a bigger plan for him and he needs to not be tied down to ASB Vice-President. I’ve found that most of the time when God won’t give us what we want it’s because He has a bigger better plan for us. We just don’t know it yet.

Here’s some tips to help encourage students:

  • Be real. Be honest. Sometimes you need to tell someone something they might not want to hear.
  • Let that student know they are loved. Not just now in their disappointment but all the time.
  • I try to find some scripture that has to do with their situation. I don’t want to overwhelm them with scripture but I want to use this as a time to remind them to turn to their Bibles in good times and when life does not go their way.
  • Everyone needs to feel wanted and needed. This is a good time to remind them that God wants them and loves them, no matter what, unconditionally.
  • Realize there is power in presence. Sometimes just being there is encouraging.
  • Follow up. Don’t just make this a one-time thing. Wait a few days and follow-up with a text or phone call.

How would you feel encouraged? What would you like someone to do for you when you need encouragement? Well, whatever that is to you, do it for someone else.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , ,

Vertical vs. Horizontal Relationships

December 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Steven: Many times in my ministry, I find myself being very narrow-focused. There are times when I spend a lot of time on one topic or a particular range of topics, and others are neglected in the process. One of these challenges is teaching on a vertical relationship versus the horizontal relationships we have.

In the church world, we tend to do a great job talking about our relationship with God (vertical), but we sometimes lose track of how important relationships are with our brothers and sisters in Christ (horizontal). In a small group setting, this is especially important. I want my group to want to support each other and have strong relationships. I’ve told them multiple times, “These 10 guys are now your brothers.” That’s the kind of bond I want them to share.

I often forget that we can’t really have vertical relationships without the horizontal as well. 1 John 4:21 says, “And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” With one comes the other. How are you teaching students to love the people around them?

Matt: When student small groups are done right, there is a huge feeling of community that builds up. I saw this happen last year with my small group. Even though they are now in college they are still leaning on each other and reaching out to each other when they need help or advice. One of the ways we show love to God is to love and serve each other. Accountability partners are a great way to show love and assist each other through tough times.

We also need to know what our spiritual gifts are and use them to help each other. As a small group leader, it’s our job to help students recognize those gifts and develop them so students are better equipped to be role models and leaders one day.

We can’t totally love God without also loving each other. Small groups are the place where true community is developed and where we can reach out to others to love and to be loved.

Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Switching Directions in the Middle of a Lesson

October 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last week a friend of mine asked me to speak to his high school small group. They are all seniors and I was asked to give my testimony and I put together a short lesson on putting your trust in God and not in yourself. I was half way through my talk when one of the guys asked a question and talked a little bit about his life and something he had gone through.

The more he talked the more I realized that in order to answer his question and talk about his situation I had to change-up what I was prepared to talk about. Although not completely off the topic of  trusting God, I changed what I was talking about and begin explaining to them something that in my own life had taken me a while to understand.

To say a complete “Yes” to Jesus means you have to say “No” to some other things.

That can be especially hard for students who have a daily barrage of peer pressure thrown at them. It means saying no to things that modern culture tries to tell us are okay. I told them that if you have said a complete and total “yes” to God then you have to say a complete and total “no” to alcohol and drugs and premarital sex just to name a few. It means setting and keeping boundaries in your life. If you’re going to call yourself a Christian that means you need to live your life that way, and not just for a couple of hours a week when you’re at church but all the time, even when no one is looking.  As leaders we need to model this for students.

I left feeling like my talk was a little big disjointed and all over the place because I had changed up the topic halfway through. Later in the week I saw my friend who leads that group and he thanked me and told me that I had set an awesome tone for their group for this year. A couple of the students in that group saw me on Saturday and told me that after I left some of the guys  had opened up about some stuff that needed to come out in the open and guys had asked for help from the others in the group.

I had planned to talk on one topic, but God knew I needed to talk on another topic. What I thought was awkward and disjointed turned out to be exactly what they needed to hear that night.  I love when God does stuff like that!

Filed Under: Small Groups, Spriritual Life, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Small Group Leader Roll Never Really Ends

October 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night was the “meet and greet” night for High School Ministry here at Saddleback Church and I got to meet some new guys in my small group. It was an awesome night and I really have some great students in this group and I’m excited for the new school year.

And then today I had lunch with a former student of mine from my last small group. Sitting and talking with him at lunch and going over some stuff in his life made me think about how we never really leave a student’s life, not if you’re doing small group right. I have a whole new batch of students that God has placed in my care and I’ll do my absolute best to walk along side them and help strengthen their walk with God, to be there for any problems that they open up and share and need help with, I’ll be at sporting events and school plays, and going out of my way to let them know that besides their parents they have another caring adult in their life they can depend on.

But, I’ll also keep the door open to my past students. Just because a student is no longer in your group does not mean that God wants you to end the teaching and role model and mentoring to that student.

I think it’s important to know the role you play in a student’s life as they mature.  My role now will be more of a mentor to past students and a couple have asked me if I would mentor them. I think it’s also important to note a couple of points here also.

  • I’m a single guy and I have time for this. If your married with kids, don’t sacrifice your family time and make them second. Being single, God expects a little more of me since I have the time.
  • If you decide to mentor former students, put it on them to arrange a time to meet and to follow through with this. It’s part of the growing up process and also, they have to want a mentor in their life, more than you want to mentor them.

The bottom line is when you sign on for Student Ministry remember that your job is not always done just because they graduated junior high and went to high school, or graduated high school and went to college.

Filed Under: Small Groups, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Recharged and Excited

October 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last night our Junior High Ministry had their “meet and greet” for the first night of small groups for this school year. I have several friends who lead junior high groups and as I walked through the meet and greet and talked to them I noticed one recurring theme. Everyone told me how “recharged” they were and “excited” to start the new year. I heard those words so many times it was either rehearsed by all of them or it was just the theme of the night. Then this morning, without me even saying anything to Steven about what I noticed last night I noticed a Facebook post he had on his page:

“The Life Group meet & greet tonight got me EVEN MORE excited for Life Group than I already was. Great group of guys this year. So thankful!” 

It’s great to start the year this way, but I always caution myself to keep that level of enthusiasm up. Remember we are all in this for the long haul. When your small group gets messy with problems and with Satan throwing spiritual warfare at you, remember the excitement you felt on this first night. Let this be one of those things that keep you going during the tough times.

This will be my third student small group that I’m leading and one thing I’ve found out through this process is that student small groups are not always just fun and exciting. If you’re doing a small group right then you have students opening up to you about their lives and things that need to change and those things are not always pleasant.

My advice to you new leaders is to keep this memory of the first night in mind, remember why you became a small group leader and keep pushing and plugging along during the tough times. The reward for students and for you is huge and so worth it.

My “meet and greet” for my new small group year is tonight and yes, I’ve very excited to meet my new students!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Small Groups, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Get Involved

September 19, 2012 by 1 Comment

I’m a firm believer that student small groups need to be highly relational. When I’m asked by new leaders how they can be successful one of the first things I tell them is this, “Don’t make your small group JUST a Tuesday night Bible study.” Text your students during the week. I try to find time to text each one at least once but usually twice a week. Even if it’s just a short, “Hey how ya doing” text. It means something to students when you reach out to them.

Get involved outside of small group with them. Do they play sports? Go to one of their events. Today I had a text from a parent of one of my new students letting me know he had a track meet today and would I like to come. It wasn’t hard for me to rearrange some things in my schedule and be there. It was awesome seeing the look on his face when saw me there and the big hug he gave me told me that I made a difference today.

Do you have talented kids in your group who are involved in drama and school plays? (yeah, that’s you Jared!) Get tickets and go to their play. Bring other small group students with you.

Make sure student’s parents know you would like to be involved in important events in their kid’s lives. Like most of you I have a super busy schedule most of the time, but with a little planning I can move things around to accommodate some additional time during the week for students. Spending additional time with students sends this big message to them;  it tells them you care. You’re interested in their lives and that you want to be a part of their lives and not just someone they see for a couple of hours a week at small group.

Relational ministry helps students in times of trouble, it gives them additional resources to reach out to. It helps you build the bond of trust with students and lets them see the “human” side of you and it keeps them from just seeing you as the Tuesday night Bible study leader.

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

How to Keep a Conversation with Teens

September 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the most asked questions I get asked by new student ministry volunteers is how do I start a conversation and then keep the conversation going with teens. Today I read a great post from Brian Berry with some great tips and examples. Here’ a bit of the article below, the rest you can find here.

 

 

Like many youth groups around the country, we’re launching our small groups this fall.  We also have made some changes based on learnings from the flow of groups last year.  As a result, we have decided that the first 10 weeks will be largely if not almost exclusively focused on getting to know our students.  Then in January, after the Christmas break, we’ll then build on those relationships and begin a process to dive more fully into the Scriptures together each week in a more “traditional Bible Study”.

But what this means in the short-term is that from late September through Christmas, we’ll be spending a lot of time (like an hour or so) pouring into the life of just one student in each small group each night.  Not like a hot seat where a small group grills one member with questions, but more like a moment where we say, “We really want to get to know you more… but for reals.  So tell us all about yourself.”

If the small group you lead is made up of outgoing bubbly teenage girls, well that might be all you need.  You’ll be lucky if you get them to stop talking 60 minutes later with that one intro.

But if you’re leading freshman guys, it’s gonna take some more work.

So in order to help, we put together a packet of stuff to keep a conversation going with a student.  Here’s 6 tips we’re using to train our leaders.

START YOUR SMALL GROUP EACH WEEK WITH A BUCKET TESTIMONY.  Pick an item (bucket, purse, backpack, suitcase, basket, etc) and have a different person each week come with 10 items inside.   As they pull each item out, they tell you why they put it in there and what it means to them.  As leaders, you do this first, choosing a wide range of items from serious to funny and set the tone.  Then have someone volunteer or choose a student who can do this next week.  Don’t forget to call and remind them in the days leading up to your next meeting so they don’t forget.

Click here for the rest.


 

 

Filed Under: Repost, Training, Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Words of encouragement-the gift that keeps on giving

May 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Sometimes we forget the influence we can have on others. The least little thing you say can be remembered by someone. My parents died over 30 years ago, but to this day I can still remember things they said to me during a difficult time, or as words of encouragement, or just funny sayings. Being from the south, they had a million little sayings. One of my dad’s sayings I can still hear to this day is, “That boy is educated way beyond his intelligence.”  That was usually aimed at politicians.

What’s my point in all of this? Well, when a student comes to you in a time of crisis, big or small, what you say to them will probably stay with them and be used again and again…if you say the right thing. Once you give advice that helps a student during a time of need, they will remember that in the future. I think that even if it does not have a significant impact on them at the time, they will hopefully, remember the advice you just gave them.

I had a real-life example of this recently. A few weeks ago during a tough time with a medical issue, when I was talking to Steven about feeling kind of down, he made a comment to me. “What would you tell the students in your small group if they were going through this situation?” My answer was, “I’d ask them are they going to worry or worship? Worry won’t fix anything; worship will bring peace of mind and help from God.”

Last night during some more bad news, I could hear Steven’s voice in my head…”“What would you tell the students in your small group if they were going through this situation?” So my way of dealing with last night’s news was to go have a quiet time, get in the Word, and talk to God. Within a short time I put the bad news behind me, shut off the light and sleep very well.

Little words can have a big impact on students!

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , ,

It’s never too early to start planning for fall

May 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Since it’s Monday, this would normally be a post that Steven and I would write together. Steven has finals this week so he’s taking some time to study. We’ll be back to our regular schedule next week.

This past week our junior high and high school ministries at Saddleback Church spent some time planning out the fall calendar. That might sound strange since it’s not even summer yet, but if you want to be effective and make sure that things don’t fall through the cracks you really need to plan for the future with enough time to fix any issues that might come up along the way. It made me start thinking about my new small group and what I want to do this fall. I’m going to have a new group and also a new co-leader, so here’s what I need to do before fall:

  • Spend some time with my new co-leader and establish with him what we want to accomplish with our new group and how we’re going to get there
  • I also am “mentoring” my new co-leader at the same time so I need to make sure I’m growing and stretching him at the same time
  • I want to spend some time with the former leaders of my new group so I can get to know some background on each of the new guys. And while this isn’t necessary, it sure gives you a head start with helping to grow students in their faith if you have a heads up on what life application lessons we need to go over.
  • I want to see where our High School Ministry is going this fall, what will be the weekend lessons, what do they want us to teach on.
  • I want to plan out some serve opportunities. That’s a huge way to help students grow their faith when you get them serving others.
  • I want to plan out some fun events with the new group. Those events help them bond with each other, and help bond you to them as well. It also lets them see you as a person, not just a leader. Nothing brings you down to their level faster than getting smacked in the side of the head with a dodgeball!

Question: Have you begun planning out your fall schedule for your student small group? Any good plans you want to share we’d love to hear them!

Filed Under: Mentoring, Small Groups, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Kicking the baby birds out of the nest

May 3, 2012 by 1 Comment

As the school year is rapidly coming to a close in a few weeks, I decided to try something different with my high school small group. I have all seniors and they will be moving on after summer camp this year and I want to have them prepared to be a young adult small group on their own in the fall. I’m trying to get them to be more reliant on each other.

After the lesson last night I started off the discussion with some questions and then had one of them keep the discussion going and I told them I needed to go take care of something and that I would be back in a few minutes and to continue on without me. I was out of the room but close enough to hear what was going on. They strayed a little bit from the topic a couple of times, but for the most part they stayed right on track and kept the discussion going.

After about fifteen minutes I came back into the room and we finished off the night with our normal praise and prayer request time. As hard as it is for me to move these guys on, I know it’s the right thing to do. I have a great group of young men and it’s been an amazing ride watching them grow in their faith and in their walk with God.

For the rest of this school year I’m going to keep slowly backing out and letting them run their group from start to finish. I’ll always be there for these guys and they know that, but it’s time to kick my baby birds out of the nest and get them ready for the next stage of life.

QUESTION: How are you preparing your students to move on, either to college if they are high school students or move on to high school if they are junior high students?

Filed Under: Small Groups, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,
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