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Parent E-Mails Need to Be a Part of Your Small Group

November 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’ve tried to be very intentional this year in sending out parent e-mails. I really want to make it a point to keep them in the loop and to partner with parents this year. Not that I haven’t done that in the past, but this year I want to be super intentional about it. In my e-mails I go over what the lesson was for this week, how the guys responded,  and what next’s week lesson will be about. It’s a good way to keep them posted on serve projects, and social events that we are doing as a group as well.

There are also some things I don’t put in my parent e-mails. I don’t list out the prayer requests. I want my guys to know that their small group is a place where they can open up about anything. I remember what it was like at 14, sometimes there’s things you’re not ready to talk to your parents about. I encourage them during group time to talk to their parents and to keep them in the loop about what’s going on in their lives, but I leave it up to them to talk about stuff that might be difficult at this point.

I make it clear to parents up front that unless I think their son is in danger of hurting himself or someone else that there are just some things that I need to keep between their son and me. Students won’t open up to you if they don’t trust you. As a small group leader I’m not here to replace a parent in a student’s life, I’m here to supplement them and to be one more resource for their student to have. I’ve got a great group of students and parents this year and they totally understand that.

If you’re doing parent e-mails there’s one more important thing you should include. Ask if there is anything you can do for them. Can you pray for them, their family, help them find another resource or ministry within your church that they might be in need of? Minister and serve the entire family not just the student.

Filed Under: Small Groups Tagged With: , , , ,

Introducing New Students into an Existing Group

October 1, 2012 by 1 Comment

Steven: At some point in your youth ministry, there will be a time when you have to assimilate a new student into an already-established group. For me, this was last year. We had a group of 9 that had grown extremely close over the past year, but when the new school year started we added one student. Here are a few things we kept in mind to make it a seamless transition:

  • Don’t talk about the past. This might seem a little extreme at first glance, but let me explain. The more you use lines like, “Remember that time when…?” and “How great was it when…?!” the more you’ll make the new guy realize he’s new. Try to focus as much as possible on the present and future. Talk about where the group currently is, and the hopes you have for where you want them to be.
  • Find a common denominator. It’s not always easy for students to pick up on similarities between themselves until it’s painfully obvious. Last year we were lucky enough that our new guy went to the same school as a bunch of our other students. He actually knew one of our guys from school, so they connected right away. This made for a really smooth transition into the group for him.
  • It’s not just awkward for the new guy. Chances are, your group may be a little uneasy about bringing in an “outsider” if they’re really well connected. Help them to see that they can’t be exclusive, and that everyone deserves an opportunity to be in a great youth group–even if it’s a little awkward at first.

Matt: Do what ever you can to help the new students transition into your group. Use this as an opportunity to remind everyone in the group about confidentiality and what is talked about in group, stays in the group. Here’s some other things to do:

  • Keep your lessons at a level everyone can understand. You may have students who’ve been Christians for a while and a new student might be new to this whole Christian thing. Keep your lessons interesting for both groups.
  • Build trust. Trust is huge in a small group and students who have been together for a while might have trouble at first with new students in the group. As a leader, you need to help build trust with everyone. One way to do that is to show them what trust looks like and make sure that you are someone students can trust with what’s going on in their lives.
  • Social nights. One way to build a strong group is to do fun outings every now and then. Something away from the normal routine of a Bible study night. When students get to  know each other and build friendships the group will grow stronger together.
Filed Under: Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,

NOW WHAT? The options you face after a trust has broken

September 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This week GenToGenYM has had an unplanned theme of “trust.” We’ve written a few posts on the topic, and it seems to be something that is so important going into a new school year. Following this theme, I ran across Matt McGill‘s blog post below. It’s about the options you have after a trust is broken on either end of a relationship. Check out a couple of options below, then head over to LoveGodLoveStudents.com for the rest.

Trust is a foundation for every significant relationship. When the trust falls a part, here are some options:

repair it and confront the issue head on. Once a trust has been broken, start a conversation. Lay out the issues, forgive and ask for forgiveness. Trust typically takes time to build, so it’s usually worth REbuilding.

repress it and pretend the breach never happened. This option isn’t as bad as it sounds. When a trust is first broken, perhaps it’s best to forgive without raising the issue. Perhaps change can happen without a confrontation. If the other person doesn’t fix things, this can quickly become a horrible approach.

Filed Under: Repost, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

Building Trust

September 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the most important things in a relationship to me is trust. Without it, you don’t know if the other person is being honest, you don’t know if their emotions are real… really, you don’t know a lot about the other person if you can’t trust them. With trust, strong relationships are formed. It’s possible to get real and authentic. It’s possible to truly connect.

I have spent a lot of time trying to build a reputation of being trustworthy. One of the biggest things I tell my students over and over again is that they can feel safe in talking to me about anything and it doesn’t leave the 2 of us. (There are certain cases when things have to be reported, but that’s another story). I want it known that I will be a vault of information, that way a student knows they have the freedom to be fully open. I think this is a biblical principle too:

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

Proverbs 11:13

Recently this issue of trust came up with a student. There was a mutual feeling that we couldn’t trust each other–me because I knew this student hadn’t been truthful about some things, and him because he felt like I might tell other people some stuff he needed to share. Once I explained to him how much I value trust (over about 45 minutes), he seemed to get it, and things just came spilling out.

We need to be people who are “trustworthy in spirit.” We need to live out our lives in a way that display this trustworthiness to the glory of God and the benefit of our students.

Filed Under: Counseling, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Big Brother or Big Sister to your Student Small Group

September 6, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Last school year I didn’t have a co-leader for my small group and there were times when I was stretched pretty thin trying to minister to all of them. Most of my group was familiar with Steven and he had come to my small group to teach a lesson and had come to a few of the high school events. I noticed that a few of the guys in my group reached out to him for advice, one of them told me he felt like Steven was the “big brother” to the group.

Over the course of the school year a couple of them would text Steven and ask to meet him for lunch to talk over some problems they were having. It was an awesome set-up; I was in no way bothered that they reached out to Steven. I know they felt comfortable coming to me with their problems, but there were a few issues that, because Steven was closer in age to them they felt more comfortable talking to him.

I made it clear to all of them that I had no problem with them going to Steven for advice or just someone to talk to and I let them know that although Steven and I are very good friends, whatever they talk to him about would be between them.

Last night I met with my old small group, they have all started college this week and one of the things we talked about was their “big brother”. I knew that Steven had an effect on them; I just didn’t realize how much of an impact he had made on them. I also realize that I could not have been as successful with my last group without having the help of their “big brother”. The best compliment one of them said to me was this, “Steven wants to be a youth pastor, but it’s like he already is.”

If you’re leading a small group alone, I would highly recommend you find someone who can be a big brother or big sister to your group. Here’s my suggestions of what to look for:

1. Find a college student with a HUGE heart for student ministry.

2. Find someone your group will feel comfortable with, and someone they will confide in.

3. Find someone who lives their life in a biblical way, someone with integrity who talks the talk and walks the walk. Someone who has the ability to refer students to scripture to help them through a situation.

4. Find someone who will keep confidential what your students talk to them about.

Filed Under: Cool stuff, Small Groups Tagged With: , , ,

Building Trust With Parents

August 1, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Yesterday I had an informal meeting time with my new small group guys, just some time for pizza and to get to know each other better. Half of them went to summer camp with me last week but the other half did not. I sent a text to them and an e-mail to parents explaining that I wanted to spend some time getting to know their son’s before we started the official small group in September. Yesterday I got an e-mail back from one of the parents asking me if I would mind telling her a little bit about myself, how long I’ve been a Christian, my background, how long I’ve been involved with student ministry, etc.

That’s when it dawned on me. These parents don’t know me; I hadn’t taken the time for them to get a comfort level with me. I was glad this parent e-mailed me, it was a reminder that I needed to take the time and let them get to know me, after all they are trusting me with their son! I normally do this in a parent letter at the beginning of the school year when small groups are starting out. Here’s the information I share with them:

1. My background, where I came from, where I was raised, how I became a Christian, my career, my family life, etc. Everything that is about me and who I am. I encourage them to contact our High School Ministry, our high school pastor and ask him questions about me and how I do ministry. I make sure they know our High School Ministry does a background check on all staff and volunteers who work with students.

2. I share my Facebook and Twitter page with them and this website. If you want to get to know how someone lives their life, often times Facebook and Twitter show a lot about you. I want them to look at this website, it’s an invitation to see into mine and Steven’s mind and how passionate we are about student ministry.

3. I give them my e-mail address and my cell number. I want them to know I’m here for them too, not just their student.

4. I let them know what I expect from them also. I’d like them to help their student commit to be at small group each week, and to attend church each week and to get involved and not just show up for small group.

These are small steps but they go a long way to building a comfort level with parents.

 

Filed Under: Volunteer ministry, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

GUEST POST: What my Small Group has done for me – Part 2

July 7, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Yesterday we ran part one of Erick Alvarez journey in his walk with God. Today we feature part two. Click here to read part one.

 I was considered by everyone in the small group. We shared life together. We made a Facebook group to keep each other posted, went to high school service together, hung out with each other during the week, and called/texted each other when there was a prayer request or struggle in our life. When I did something stupid, I was confronted about it. When I did something not stupid, I was given a high-five. And Hugs! We hugged a lot… The point is, I wasn’t left unnoticed

I was connected to my small group. We added a new member to our small group three weeks ago. He rolled into our small group from the outside, he’s new to church (hasn’t been to church in a long time), doesn’t really know what he thinks of God and as he saw the love between us, his hardened heart began to melt. The first thing he noticed was probably “those guys love each other”- I know that because he kept coming back. He had never seen relationships like ours but he wanted to know what it was all about.

 

I can’t imagine my life without those guys – they challenge, comfort, counsel and consider me through a Christ-based connection. After every meeting on Tuesday nights, I want to be more devoted to God– when I’m with them I sense that kind of encouragement. Best part about this is taking that love and acceptance into the internship I’m currently in. As a local PEACE intern I serve the community throughout the week. It’s a privilege and an awesome responsibility but it can get stressful. Having these dudes as friends makes my job much more motivating (especially when two of them show up at random times, another one interns with you, and your leader tells you he accidently set a small fire at your desk during the weekend!!!).

Tips for every small group leader/member that wants a purpose-driven small group:

  • The small group lesson should encompass what they need to hear not just what they want to hear
  • The small group should learn to bring their whole-self into a trusted relationship
  • The small group should intentionally make sacrifices to show love
  • The small group must apply The Cross to everything

 

 

Filed Under: Guest post, Small Groups Tagged With: , , , , ,

GUEST POST: What my Small Group has done for me – Part 1

July 6, 2012 by 1 Comment

Today our guest post comes from one of the students in Matt’s high school small group. Erick has an amazing story about how his faith has grown because of a small group. Erick is interning this year with the Membership Team At Saddleback Church. Here’s part one, check back tomorrow for part two.

 It’s funny, today we are more connected through different media like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram but we feel more disconnected! One purpose of a small group is to have people speak into our lives when life sucks and to listen when something cool happens in someone’s life. The second purpose of having a small group is to belong in God’s family. When I think of my small group, I think of the second purpose, the purpose that keeps us together.

From the moment I could walk I wanted someone to help me every time I fell. When I got older I stopped falling onto concrete and started falling into things that hurt more.  Lies, drugs, bad group of friends and porn. My friends wouldn’t pick up the phone when I was hurting-but they would text me to tempt me into making bad choices! In junior year of high school I asked myself, “are these people my friends, is this a friendship?”

 That summer of my junior year, I made real friends for the first time! I felt a connection to these guys, they were different from me but had the similar problems. I had met them at camp (High School Ministry Camp), but I latched on to them because our cabin leader suggested staying as a small group

I wasn’t alone anymore. When we talked about struggles, our small group leader (Matt Reynolds) turned to the Bible for answers. He didn’t try to solve our problems; he gave us the opportunity to trust God through them. What stood out to me about my small group leader was that he took the time to have a one-on-one conversation with me whenever I needed to talk.

Here’s what my small group did for me this year:

I was challenged to live a Christ-like lifestyle. Every small group lesson is applicable to my life. Jesus is the center of our discussions and of the lessons. Most importantly, our small group leader reflects Christ’s love! High school guys don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. My small group leader always listens, focuses and relates to my struggle

I was comforted by belonging to a body of Christ. Like in 1 Corinthians 12:12, my small group is “not made up of one part but of many”. My small group has a spectrum of personalities. We have guys that are incredibly funny, popular, great abs (Matt Regueiro) quiet guys, awkward reserved guys. Each of us contributes something to the group. How? Accountability partners. The unique talent(s) and spiritual gift(s) of each guy is put to use through keeping a friend accountable

I was counseled when I shared a struggle. Small group was a safe place to share my R rated struggles. My leader’s advice came from the Bible, his own experience, or a Pastor’s quote. It was said with love, truth and to the point. A lot of times confessing my struggle was an opportunity for another guy to confess his! To give you an idea, here are three main reasons why I could share my struggles: 1. I wasn’t going to be judged or interrogated 2. My small group leader didn’t interrupt or give an “opinion” 3. A simple rule was set when we began small group:   Whatever is shared in the small group, stays in the group

Check back tomorrow for part two!

Filed Under: Guest post, Small Groups Tagged With: , , , , ,

10 Thoughts for Guys: Finding a Christian Girlfriend – Part 2

May 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This is part two of a series for student ministry workers to share with guys in how to find a Christian girlfriend. Part one can be found here. 

6. If a girl constantly needs to know where you are and who you’re with and what you’re doing…that’s only going to get worse as the relationship progresses. If she is constantly texting you its a sign that she probably does not trust you.  If there is no trust you really don’t have a relationship in the first place. If a girl needs to be with you 24/7 you’re going to feel smothered really fast and the relationship will crash and burn. Been there done that, trust me on this one.

7. Okay this one is going to make me sound like a total prude so hear me out first. Do you and your girlfriend pray on dates? Like at the beginning or the end of a date? Try it! It makes the awkward time at the end of the date less awkward when the two of you are praying and not trying to figure out how far a good-bye kiss or hug is going to last, what to say, what to do, etc. It just slows things down.

8. Don’t find a girlfriend because you need someone to fix your problems and at the same time don’t think that you are going to fix her problems. Make sure you’re at a point in your life where you are ready for a relationship.

9. Don’t put the rest of your life on hold when you get a girlfriend and if she expects you to never spend time with your family or friends, move on!  This is not the girl for you. Girlfriends will come and go, real friends will always be there, don’t desert them for a girlfriend. If you do when the relationship ends you’ll find yourself all alone with no one to help you work out your hurt.

10. True Love Always Waits.  ‘Nuff said. Once you have sex you change the relationship forever. If she does not want or have respect for boundaries it’s time to move on.

Filed Under: Culture, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , ,

10 Thoughts for Guys: Finding a Christian Girlfriend – Part 1

May 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Lately I’ve seen tons of blog posts all over the student ministry blog world telling girls what to do and what not to do to find a Christian boyfriend. Over the next two days we’ll be sharing some advice for student ministry leaders to give to the guys in your small group or student ministry on how to find a Christian girlfriend. Today is part one, be sure and check back tomorrow for part two. 

1. Make sure she loves Jesus. Nothing will make a relationship more difficult than you being a Jesus lover and your girlfriend is not. Date someone who is putting Christ in the center of her life and you’re off on the right step to a healthy relationship.

2. Date a girl who dresses in a way that you would not be afraid for your mom or your grandmother to see her. Girls that wear short shorts and tight tops or tops that show off their boobs are not looking for Christian guys, they are looking for any guys. A girl who is modest in the way she dresses is telling the world that she does not count on looks or a good body to attract a guy. She relies on her personality and her love for God to shine through and attract the right guy.

3. And while we’re on the topic, guys, watch how you dress. No shirt at the pool or the beach is fine, but it can send the wrong message at other times. Girls are no different from guys, they’re gonna look at a guy with a nice body but again, remember the message you are sending. Same thing with skinny or tight jeans. Are you more worried about showing off your body than your mind and your personality and your love for God?  We should realize that we are far more worthy of God’s eternal love than the momentary attention you’ll receive through visual, lustful attraction.  We should look deeper for the true principle of attractiveness, which is to remain appealing to the Lord, first and foremost.

4. Public displays of affection, or PDA’s. Girls that are always clingy make me wonder if they really like their boyfriend or are they just showing him off and want to make sure that everyone knows they have a boyfriend. PDA’s can get out of hand quick and just make girls (and guys) look trashy. How would you behave if your parents were sitting right there in front of you…let that be your guide. Sitting in guys laps, especially when you are alone is just asking for trouble. Sitting alone in cars is just asking for trouble. Keep some room for Jesus between you and her. Sounds like we’re being a prude but we all know that guys can sometimes just be a bundle of hormones waiting for the right signal.

5. Set boundaries. Do this early in your relationship, don’t wait until it’s too late and you find yourself in a situation that can get out of hand quick. It also helps from getting into an awkward situation for either of you if you both know the boundaries. If a girl does not want to set boundaries, move on…she is not for you.

Check back tomorrow for Part Two!

Filed Under: Culture, Spriritual Life, Youth Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,
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